What is Prostate Stimulation? Is Prostate Play Gay?

What is Prostate Stimulation?

…is it gay?

Q: “Hi I’m curious about prostate stimulation. I’m completely straight, so is it gay? Or how can you do it to make it feel good? Thank you.”

A: There’s nothing gay about enjoying prostate or anal stimulation as a straight man.

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Your prostate gland lives around 3-4 inches inside your bottom on the wall nearest to your penis. Its function is to produce the bulk of fluid found in ejaculate. If you’re able to reach it with your finger, you’ll notice it feels like a squishy and firm raised bump with a texture and size similar to a walnut.

The likelihood is that at some point in your life you’re going to have a prostate exam to check you’re in good health. In lieu of this rather clinical and sterile process, it isn’t a bad shout to familiarise yourself with the sensation of your prostate being touched. It’s likely to be a lot more fun if your first experience isn’t with a Doc’s gloved finger.

There are a lot of reasons men experiment with anal play and contrary to belief, it isn’t the preserve of gay men. The first and foremost reason is that it just feels good.

There are plenty of sensitive nerve endings inside your ass that respond very well indeed to a good stroke. Anal play can also escalate erotic response, bringing both men and women to orgasm quicker. If you’re in doubt about the sexual preference connotations, take a look at the act of pegging, it pertains to a woman’s use of a strap-on to penetrate a man anally and it’s not a particularly niche sex act.
What is Prostate Stimulation - Hella Rude-1Trying pegging as your first foray into prostate stimulation is likely to be more than a little intimidating. Most men start with either their experimentation solo using either their finger or a simple beginner’s anal sex toy like a butt plug. Anal sex toys are often the best choice as they’re designed for purpose and are completely smooth, whereas fingernails have a habit of being a little scratchy. Regardless of how you choose to play, make sure you use plenty of lubricant and don’t rush things. I’d recommend either a silicone lubricant or an anal-specific sex lube.

If you decide to take a hands-on (or finger-in) approach, make sure you give yourself a quick manicure before hand. Cut your nails short and file down any rough edges with an emery board. It also goes without saying that you’ll want to pop to the bathroom around a half hour beforehand. For those who are ultra squeamish, an anal douche doesn’t go amiss.
What is Prostate Stimulation - Hella Rude-2Regardless of whether you choose to use your finger or a sex toy, the process is exactly the same. You’ll want to be sexually aroused first, so regular masturbation, foreplay, oral or sex is a good prelude.

Just like you wouldn’t normally try to reach orgasm before an erection, you wouldn’t try to put something in your bottom before being turned on.

Apply lubricant to both your finger/toy and your rosebud and start with a gentle external massage of the sphincter and perineum. Placing increased pressure on your opening will help to relax it but make sure you use a light touch and follow your body’s cues for progress, paying attention to any pain you experience and withdrawing accordingly. When your body is ready, penetration is a relaxed and easy process that doesn’t hurt.

You’ll know that you’ve reached your prostate when you locate that tell-tell bump with your fi
What is Prostate Stimulation - Hella Rude-3nger or you’ve fully inserted your toy. As a guideline, you’ll want a butt plug that’s 4 inches in length to make sure you hit the right spot.

If using your finger, lightly trace circles over the surface of the prostate to arouse it and slowly build up pressure and speed. Using too much pressure too soon can feel uncomfortable or make you need to pee and that isn’t so sexy.  Using a toy means you can enjoy hands-free stimulation. Try rocking and grinding your hips to nudge the tip of the toy against the prostate, increasing pressure by grinding harder and at steeper angles.

It is possible for men to achieve orgasm just through prostate stimulation but it takes a lot of practice to perfect the technique and is usually somewhat of a long route to climax, despite what American Pie would have us think. The act of bringing yourself to climax solely with prostate stimulation is called ‘milking the prostate’.

Most men tend to come close to orgasm but remain on the brink, so it’s common for men to maintain their technique while rhythmically stroking the penis to finish the job.

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If you try either the finger or toy technique and find your curiosity is rewarded, the next step is to invest in a specifically-designed prostate massager. These anal sex toys are made for purpose with curvaceous shafts and unique angles that are chosen to offer the best contact with your prostate gland. They tend to be bigger in size than beginner’s anal sex toys so it’s worth getting yourself accustomed to more fingers or a reasonably-sized butt plug before you buy your first prostate stimulator.
Prostate massagers also come with vibrating and e-stim abilities, giving your stimulation style a serious upgrade.


– Hella Rude


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  1. Great article as always Cara. I have one question which might sound stupid – men have their prostate which makes ass play enjoyable. What is it that makes it pleasurable for women? Is it actually pleasurable to put a finger or tongue in a woman’s ass. Thanks, M

    • There’s many nerves in that area for whichever gender, and the sensitive nature of the lining makes every slight touch that much more noticeable. Even without prostate play on a man (the prostate is located rather deep inside) ass play can be sensational, and likewise on a woman anal pleasure can be extremely addictive whether that’s anal sex, anal sex toys, rimming etc.

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