Gender Bending, Queerness, the Masculine Feminine Divide and Why I am Definitely a Woman

A self-study of sexuality, gender and personal attraction


The ‘masculine’ prompt for Molly’s Sinful Sunday this month started me thinking, which is always a worrying sign. Run now. While commenting on the resulting Sinful Sunday entries for the first Sunday of May, I noticed that there were several women who felt that not only did they have a masculine side but that they were happily taking steps to embrace this masculine side and find out more about it. Discovering how this side can be used to reach new and different levels of arousal during masturbation and sex.

I don’t know whether you will think me wrong here, and I sincerely hope not in this modern ‘enlightened’ age of acceptance and sex positive vibes. I don’t think I have a masculine side. At all. Perhaps on a physiological, biological level, there is some part of me that is masculine, in the chromosomes and genetics of the situation. But in my psychology and mentality, I don’t feel masculine at all and I don’t have any particular attraction towards gender bending for me personally.

I love the fact that so many are discovering this trait about themselves and I am happy that people feel so comfortable to be whatever they are that not only can they make this journey of discovery but also talk pretty openly about it on the internet and amongst sex-positive friends. I am definitely not against any kind of gender queerness, non-traditional traits, differing sexualities or asexuality, polyamory or pansexuality. Whatever your label, that’s cool with me and I won’t judge. You know, unless you’re some non-consensual sexual attacker or something, which is not cool and you should have bits of you ripped off and fed to dogs.

Am I ‘weird’ to only feel a feminine side? Perhaps I am just afraid to feel a masculine side because I don’t want to seem ‘like a boy’? But I look into myself and I can just feel… woman. Girlness. It’s the same with my Domination. As a Domme I don’t have the same associations that some others do, in that their Domination needs to echo a traditionally ‘male’ viewpoint of affairs. I don’t ‘need’ to make a sub suck my cock, and wearing a strap-on isn’t about becoming a man or feeling like I can’t be Dominant unless I look like/act like a man. Sex and Domination isn’t cock-oriented for me, and I can quite happily live the rest of my sex-filled life without a penis involved in anything. Is this linked to the fact that I identify mostly as a lesbian, albeit one who is in love with a man? Perhaps.

I’m definitely a bisexual, Dominant woman. I’m mono in each gender, although that’s 100% sure on the man side and only about 90% sure on the female side of things. That means I can have a full relationship with a person of each gender. That’s where I’m at right now. But throughout my years of self-exploration both physically and psychologically, at no time have I ever thought to experiment with my gender. It’s not because I thought it was wrong so I stayed away – if that was the case I would not have delved into BDSM identities, polyamory, open relationships, taboo sexual practices and bisexuality – it’s just that it never raised it’s head (tee-hee) as something of interest to me. I don’t want to be a man (not that those who feel a masculine side do, either) and I don’t feel any traits of being a boy or boyishness or wanting to ‘pack a cock’ or strap down my breasts or anything like that.

In my bisexuality, where I personally identify as a straight woman when it comes to men and a ‘lipstick lesbian’ when it comes to women, I find the person attractive in their own right, whatever they choose as their physical appearance. I would prefer a woman to display the traditional feminine characteristics of breasts, waist, hips, pussy over packed cock and a trad girly appearance such as non-shaved head and just the usual girl things like make up and dresses and heels that you’ll probably sigh and shake your head over how shallow and appearance oriented I am. Sorry. My ‘type’ of woman is a very traditional looking one, not the traditional ‘bulldog dyke’ which I know is a terrible phrase and insulting but which still conjures up an image that you’ll know what I mean and won’t have a particular person in mind, just a ‘look’. I think it’s because I already have the ‘man’ or ‘masculine’ side of things catered to, with an actual man. For my man things in life I have a man, and even when I didn’t have a man, I didn’t seek those things from a woman I was with.

If I were with a woman who wanted to explore this newly discovered part of herself then I would be supportive and enthused and all for it. The person I am in love and/or lust with is more important to me as a person than their outer shell. I wouldn’t want to stifle someone’s happiness just for the vain, superficial purposes of wanting a certain ‘type’ in life and bed.

I do find ‘gender-bending’ hot, in that a woman can wear a man’s shirt or a pinstripe suit (oh god, that’s a hot image) and be a sexy woman in a man’s clothes. This is probably because I’m one of Them There Perverts and anything different like that I can find hotness in. Same goes for gas mask and lingerie photos, a male sub in a puppy outfit, predicament bondage and food sex. Alternative to the ‘accepted norm’ images and presentations that tweak a little bit of your society-conditioned mind and forces it to imagine something other. But in those images where a woman wears a man’s clothes, she’s still ‘a feminine’ in herself and there will usually be the feminine lacy lingerie (almost typed ‘lazy lingerie’, I like this! I am all for lazy lingerie) peeking out at me from some part of the photo, masturbating the lesbian part of my mind.

I haven’t sensed any inkling of masculinity in myself yet and I don’t feel any sproutings of inclination that way either. If I did, I would definitely get this bit of myself out and play with it. Possibly even take pictures. 😉

How do you feel about gender play and exploring and changing the traditional viewpoints of gender?



– Cara Sutra


  1. I once thought I would never be a “packing lesbian”. However, I have changed. In a good way too and now I have a packing dildo. I still wouldn’t call myself a packing lesbian, basically because I hate labels for people. I’m just me going along with something that makes me feel good about myself. Hopefully, I can lose the fear of wearing it outside of my house at some point.

    I’m a woman which I’m perfectly content with and wouldn’t ever want to change. I don’t believe I have much of a feminine side at all and I feel like the packer lets me connect with a different part of me I haven’t been able to before.

  2. […] Gender Bending, Queerness, the Masculine Feminine Divide and Why I am Definitely a Woman […]

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