Loving Bondage Doesn’t Make Me Any Less Of A Dominant Woman

Loving Bondage Doesn’t Make Me Any Less Of A Dominant Woman

By Cara Sutra

You say you love bondage. Call yourself a Mistress? What a joke!” This is just one of many comments directed my way when a certain group of people in the BDSM scene discover that I love bondage. It’s hardly as if I’m keeping it a secret. I’m quite proud, actually; proud that I’m not allowing myself to be restricted by a label. I love the irony in that statement. Loving bondage really doesn’t make me any less of a dominant woman. Dommes can love being tied up too.

Loving Bondage Doesn’t Make Me Any Less Of A Dominant Woman

For me, bondage is an activity I simply enjoy. There’s no submission involved, and the one fastening the buckles or crafting a rope harness isn’t dominating me. When I am bound and restrained for a time, it’s because I either clearly want it, or at times, because I’ve demanded that it happen.

What the majority describe as submission, for me as a Dominant woman, is simply sexual enjoyment. My sex life comprises of roleplay and name calling and hair pulling and biting and spitting and scratching and pain and being pinned down and struggling and getting vicious and rape fantasy. That’s the way it is. I am not the sort who is satisfied with peg-in-hole sex, after lights out, once a week on a Friday night, strictly after 10pm, only whilst married, and preferably using a condom to contain the mess. It’s not me.

I want sex which is hot, raw, messy, brutal, real, taboo, edgy, different and leaves me with welts for weeks.

Even as a Dominant woman, I want bondage I can struggle in and thrash against violently, while he pins me down with his weight and his hand around my throat as I can’t draw a breath to make a sound and he growls what a wanton fuck-slut I am in my ear as his full length thrusts into me.

While this is happening, I don’t view myself as submitting, or being a submissive. In the past I have allowed myself to be swayed by other people’s opinions about bondage and violent sex, that if you’re the one restrained and fucked hard then you must be the submissive party. Wrong. While to those perhaps new to the BDSM scene it could be easily mistaken for submission, I view submission as a mental state which is shown through various physical activities. The main sign of submission is the mental attitude. Plus, wanting and needing to lose control.

Loving Bondage Doesn’t Make Me Any Less Of A Dominant WomanAt no time during my sexual life do I want to actually lose control. Yeah ok, I love the simulation of losing control: flailing around, kicking out during a night chock full of orgasms or getting wild with abandon on the bed, in the bath or behind the petunias in the back garden (big thing in Britain, believe me). I don’t feel particularly moved to ‘submit’ to my partner in any other area of life, either. I don’t get off on him commanding me to go out in public without knickers on (although if I suggested it then it wouldn’t be so bad), and if he demanded that I make him a sandwich I’d probably ask if he’d lost the use of his arms – and if he wanted to.

When we get to bed, just as in other areas of life, I know what I want. As a Dominant woman I have no problems with assertively asking and then usually getting it. I’m not always a bossy, demanding bitch, but when I am I try to be appealing with it. (Yeah, I know… it doesn’t always work.)

My other kink posts discuss my other fetishes and sexual interests in more detail, which are perhaps even more confusing to the masses than a Mistress who loves bondage. I even indulge in Daddy/little girl play with my partner. What’s more, I do this and get him to put me in bondage while my cucked live-in male slave watches.

Mind blown? Good. My work here is done.

I’ve tried to imagine life as a submissive, pondered over whether my love of bondage and sexual roleplay means that I am a submissive woman. I’ve come to the conclusion, after many years – and having my stomach turned at various suggestions and scenes, YKINMK – that I am NOT in any way a submissive. I’m just a Dominant woman with a high sex drive, an overactive imagination and who wants to grab life by the balls and wring every ounce of enjoyment out of it.

And what’s wrong with that?

 

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