Wicked Wednesday: Coming Together
What thoughts and mental images does the word ‘together‘ conjure up for you?
Together. Coming together…
That elusive syncronised orgasm, so often proclaimed as ‘the way sex is and is meant to be’ in erotica and porn. Is it the only right way? Is it possible? Have you ever come together, with your partner?
I must admit, it’s a difficult one to achieve for me. For us. The friction he receives during penetrative sex is such that he builds to his orgasm while I need to concentrate on other forms of stimulation at the same time as he’s fucking me hard. It’s all really rather distracting. I don’t orgasm through penetration alone, so often I will use a sex toy on my clitoris, although there is the infrequent occasion where I will have an anal sex toy inserted while he’s inside my vagina.
We have done it though. Not sex, I mean obviously we’ve done that. We’ve managed the rare sexual treasure that is a syncronised mutual orgasm. It adds to the closeness, somehow… we’re both lost in that moment, not just cascading over that stimulation waterfall separately but together. Having pleasured each other and ourselves to that point, feasted from each others’ bodies and got the timing just magically right, it’s bliss to orgasm at the same time.
It’s not a requirement for great sex though. When we don’t orgasm together I don’t feel like I have missed out on anything; in fact we both recognise that it does usually take longer for me to achieve orgasm. Blame all the damn sex toys if you like. Perhaps I just have a rebellious body, which, to be honest, is highly likely considering how stubbornly it hangs on to cellulite.
More spanking required.
There are ways in which we can make an ‘in-sync’ orgasm more likely, although never guaranteed. Building up the mental foreplay before hand, when he’s teasing scenes in my mind of what is to come – or even things that we know are not to reach reality but to remain our shared fantasy, and that’s ok. More than ok. A sexy secret we snack upon in private moments.
Then comes the physical foreplay. Yeah it’s talked about SO much – there’s a reason for that. Quickies have their place but I believe that a synced orgasm rarely occurs during quickies. In my experience, anyway. They’re hot – but if a mutual climax is what you’re after then you need to ensure you’re both in the same place before he gets inside. Or as close to the same place (mentally and physically) as you can manage.
It all depends on how much you know each other and what makes each of you ‘tick’. What gets you going. Although candles and massage oils have their place, sensual physical exploration of each other relaxes me more than brings me to the point where I know I will climax hard and fast when sex happens. I am more likely to come to orgasm quicker and therefore be more likely to be able to control when and how I do… if he ties me up, spanks me and uses ‘dirty talk’ before fucking me. Telling me what he’s going to do to his filthy little girl, that I’m all just for Daddy and that there’s nothing I can do to stop him, he’s going to fuck me anyway, nothing I can do about it. No choice. Tied up and no way out, no escape. Just a little fucktoy, a ragdoll for him to use and abuse at will.
That sort of thing.
As I say not guaranteed but it would be naive to think that a mutual orgasm just ‘happens’. When we come together it’s because we’ve both worked for it and there isn’t a 100% proof way to ensure it happens even then. Just makes it more likely for us.
Have you ever approached sex with coming together in mind, or do you just wait for it to happen? Perhaps mutual climax isn’t on your agenda at all and it’s just as and when it all happens. I’d be interested in hearing your viewpoints, so please leave me a comment.
– Cara Sutra