Coming Together

Wicked Wednesday: Coming Together

naked couple in bed 69 sex

Come together
right now
over me

What thoughts and mental images does the word ‘together‘ conjure up for you?

Together. Coming together…

That elusive syncronised orgasm, so often proclaimed as ‘the way sex is and is meant to be’ in erotica and porn. Is it the only right way? Is it possible? Have you ever come together, with your partner?

I must admit, it’s a difficult one to achieve for me. For us. The friction he receives during penetrative sex is such that he builds to his orgasm while I need to concentrate on other forms of stimulation at the same time as he’s fucking me hard. It’s all really rather distracting. I don’t orgasm through penetration alone, so often I will use a sex toy on my clitoris, although there is the infrequent occasion where I will have an anal sex toy inserted while he’s inside my vagina.

We have done it though. Not sex, I mean obviously we’ve done that. We’ve managed the rare sexual treasure that is a syncronised mutual orgasm. It adds to the closeness, somehow… we’re both lost in that moment, not just cascading over that stimulation waterfall separately but together. Having pleasured each other and ourselves to that point, feasted from each others’ bodies and got the timing just magically right, it’s bliss to orgasm at the same time.

It’s not a requirement for great sex though. When we don’t orgasm together I don’t feel like I have missed out on anything; in fact we both recognise that it does usually take longer for me to achieve orgasm. Blame all the damn sex toys if you like. Perhaps I just have a rebellious body, which, to be honest, is highly likely considering how stubbornly it hangs on to cellulite.

More spanking required.

There are ways in which we can make an ‘in-sync’ orgasm more likely, although never guaranteed. Building up the mental foreplay before hand, when he’s teasing scenes in my mind of what is to come – or even things that we know are not to reach reality but to remain our shared fantasy, and that’s ok. More than ok. A sexy secret we snack upon in private moments.

Then comes the physical foreplay. Yeah it’s talked about SO much – there’s a reason for that. Quickies have their place but I believe that a synced orgasm rarely occurs during quickies. In my experience, anyway. They’re hot – but if a mutual climax is what you’re after then you need to ensure you’re both in the same place before he gets inside. Or as close to the same place (mentally and physically) as you can manage.

It all depends on how much you know each other and what makes each of you ‘tick’. What gets you going. Although candles and massage oils have their place, sensual physical exploration of each other relaxes me more than brings me to the point where I know I will climax hard and fast when sex happens. I am more likely to come to orgasm quicker and therefore be more likely to be able to control when and how I do… if he ties me up, spanks me and uses ‘dirty talk’ before fucking me. Telling me what he’s going to do to his filthy little girl, that I’m all just for Daddy and that there’s nothing I can do to stop him, he’s going to fuck me anyway, nothing I can do about it. No choice. Tied up and no way out, no escape. Just a little fucktoy, a ragdoll for him to use and abuse at will.

That sort of thing.

As I say not guaranteed but it would be naive to think that a mutual orgasm just ‘happens’. When we come together it’s because we’ve both worked for it and there isn’t a 100% proof way to ensure it happens even then. Just makes it more likely for us.

Have you ever approached sex with coming together in mind, or do you just wait for it to happen? Perhaps mutual climax isn’t on your agenda at all and it’s just as and when it all happens. I’d be interested in hearing your viewpoints, so please leave me a comment.

wicked wednesday blog meme erotica and sex blogs

Read  my other entries for Wicked Wednesday here as well as more of my own erotica and sex advice posts too.

– Cara Sutra


  1. I have heard and sung with that song for years- never dawned on me what that really said. Wow!! There is a way to cum together too- it takes work- and practice, but it can- and does for us – happen quite frequently that we can cum together- and it is all the more explosive because the ecstasy is timed just right

  2. My fiance and I don’t typically reach orgasm at the same time for essentially the same reasons you mentioned in this post. It takes me much longer to get there, and once he’s inside me, we don’t have the time I need before he climaxes. If there’s enough foreplay or if I’m mostly there before we start having sex, then it could happen. We’ve been able to reach orgasm at the same time before, but it takes a lot of communication with him holding off until I’m ready, which is obviously difficult, so the timing usually isn’t there. I would definitely agree with you that not reaching orgasm at the same time doesn’t take anything away from the experience. It’s very cool when it happens, but it’s not something we actively try for all the time.

  3. My Husband and I have had some mutual orgasms, but like you, we really have to work for it. We cannot go in and decide we are going to come together. It just doesn’t work like that.

    Coming together is nice, but it doesn’t make the sex and all the other orgasm less enjoyable if we don’t have an orgasm together.

    Rebel xox

  4. Thank you for all the comments! Glad it’s not just me/us then. Yep, can try to put a lot of mental work in beforehand and kinda get myself a lot of the way towards an orgasm – then it makes it more likely. Not that it’s the goal of sex together, but if it happens it’s nice.
    Thanks for commenting, really makes me happy 🙂
    – Cara xxx

  5. Omg I would love to orgasm full stop ! My meds (fluoxetine) make it EXTREMELY hard to orgasm the only way is using a wand on full but even that doesn’t always work 🙁 last time was 2 weeks ago but have gone up to 6 months without an O before x

  6. My husband has amazing control and can often wait until I’ve come to fully let go himself. Doesn’t happen all the time though, and I wouldn’t expect it to. It’s just as hot when he can’t hold back! Plus sometimes I actually like finishing off with a toy while he kisses and caresses me half-dozy beside me. It’s like having your cake AND eating it B-|

  7. I’m with the majority of you that say “mutual orgasms…we really have to work for it.” We used to be able to, he had such control and I didn’t take so long to orgasm. Any more, the older we have gotten it really takes hard work. Lately, he & have been out of sync and are trying to find our way back.
    Btw, great take on “together”

  8. Maybe once a year we will have a “synchronised” orgasm. It’s rare.

    I enjoy (well we both do!) lots and lots of foreplay, so she will always orgasm lots then, and by the time we come to sex, she may climax at least once again, as I don’t come easily at all (well not from penile stimulation!) but to time it spot on is just luck of the draw! A few times, her orgasm has tipped me past the point of no return before.

    However, if you read erotica, synchronised orgasms are “the norm!” Shame.

  9. Beautiful take on “together”. Silverdrop has an incredible sensitive G spot and usually orgasms from penetrative sex (anal or vaginal). We’re lucky in that we often have our orgasms together. If not, there is our extensive collection of sex toys.

  10. Gorgeous picture, lovely writing – and yes, one of my favourite songs. It’s one of those rare occurrences, but always fun to try for!

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