I usually find it very easy to make a firm decision. I am quite a black or white thinker, and this approach to the world makes things easy in some respects, although with age and experience I have learned to become more flexible with regards to most things. It’s not really that I need to rigidly hold on to whatever decision I make, or choice in life – it’s more that I feel an immediate pull towards one thing or the other, when there’s any options. Even if the choice which immediately appeals is BOTH.
My relationships over the last few years have gone through various stages. I had my first child with my ex-bf, now over 8 years ago. coming up to 4 years ago I made the decision to leave him. His abuse and hurt and alcoholism had gone far enough. In any case, I’d fallen in love again. Not just one, but two people. Well, why not? The decision was made, it was easy; this new life appealed and felt good. The old life was horrible and filled with hurt, anger, physical breaks and bruises. I decided to walk out.
One of the poly relationships I was in over the last three years ended last year, and I decided that it was a good thing. In fact I discovered it was a good thing, throughout the course of the whole breakup. Revelations about matters leading way back, even to the start of the relationships finally came out of the woodwork, and I guess their substance abuse and characteristic selfishness didn’t help. We could take it no longer, the last straw being plans secreted away and money stolen. We decided it was over. We, being the man and I.
So now, after decisions, I am once more in a mono-relationship with a man. It certainly doesn’t mean I am straight, and for that matter, neither is he. We’re free agents in our own gender, as it were, and if the occasion should arise… well who knows what our decisions would be. I certainly hope that we are each others’ audience to enjoy the consequences of said decisions.
Apart from my lovelife, there have been other past decisions made to affect the present. I decided to leave my full time employment when I got pregnant with my current (and ever-continuing!) man’s child, back in February 2012. Since then I decided that I couldn’t simply leave the keyboard entirely, the sex writer in me needs to express via creations on the web. So I continued my site and brand projects and here we are. I’m working for myself, 9-5 (ok, perhaps longer hours than I should be, in reality), having also decided to resign another job in between. Sometimes you’ve got to look at what you’re doing, what the alternative is, and what’s best for you.
Other decisions are just fun. Like deciding to misuse sex toys, in a safe way, obviously. More a perverted way really. What better comparison of the We Vibe 3 and We Vibe 4, for instance, then using one after then other then both at the same time? If you imagine the ‘necking down a bottle’ trick with two straws bent over the bottle rim, you’re on the right track.
Or possibly the time when he wanted to see if a Hitachi wand head would actually fit inside me? After all, I’d taken most of his fist. We decided to compare the two sensations.
Decisions to have anal sex at work, after hours, on cctv. Forcefully bending me over his desk, flipping up my short skirt and ripping my tights for access. Pulling aside my thong and using a lube coated finger (yes, he had lube on his desk) smeared across my hole to help guide him inside quickly.
Deciding to wear a new glass butt plug to work all day without anyone but him knowing.
Yes, some decisions are fun. Have you made any important, serious or sexy decisions lately?
– Cara Sutra