Post-confession: Turning that outed fantasy into reality


Congratulations, you did it! You read advice articles on the web, you planted subtle hints in conversations, then you bit the bullet and told them all about your hidden fantasies over a dinner you specially prepared.

That’s the hard part done with, right?

Although there are lots of articles written about broaching the subject of your fantasies with your partner, there is little to no information about what to do afterwards. Taking the next step after communicating your secret desires to your partner can be just as nerve-racking as telling them about it in the first place. Let’s take a look at the best way to move forwards with your fantasy realisation.

First, you will need to be clear in your own mind about whether your fantasies are to remain as that, just fantasies; or whether you would like to make them a reality. This is an important decision to make, because making a fantasy real can alter your sex life and relationship in ways you hadn’t expected. That’s not to say these changes will necessarily be negative; it might just be that your chosen fantasy becomes a permanent feature in your sex life from here on in.

Should you decide that you do want to live out your dream, you need to sit down and talk to your partner again. Yes, even more communication! Examine how they feel about your fantasy, to begin with. Then talk about the possibility about making it actually happen. What are their feelings about that?

If you’re fortunate enough to have a partner who is agreeable to helping you realise your fantasy, you then need to work out what exactly is needed in order to make it happen.


Even though you’ve decided to make your dream real, it can be easy to allocate the actual happening to the ‘someday’ box in your mind. Busy lives, work and family commitments can all conspire to keep the fantasy from being realised. Be assertive and plan when the action will happen, even if this means sitting down with your partner, a calendar and a marker pen.


It could be that your chosen fantasy requires more than the often humble surroundings of the family home or your cosy bedroom. Do you need anonymity? Book a hotel in a different town. Do you require any special furniture? There are many adult themed hotels as well as play spaces like dungeons available for short term hire. Find them through searching the internet or signing up to adult chat and kinky dating communities.


Does your fantasy require buying some sex toys or restraints? You can buy low priced sex toys online in complete discretion and from trustworthy, reputable companies. Selling not only the classic vibrators and dildos but also top quality bondage sex toys and other fetish gear, you’re sure to find what you need for your specific sexual adventure at a price that suits your budget.

Dressing up in the right clothes can be the cherry on the cake of your fantasy-come-true. Sexy roleplay costumes are incredibly popular with couples wishing to spice up their foreplay and sex sessions. You don’t have to brave the high streets for erotic roleplay outfits either; find what you want online and have your perfect sexy roleplay outfit delivered discreetly to your doorstep from a trust-worthy sex toy shop.

Other people

Including another person (or people) in a sexual liaison is a common fantasy. Threesomes, foursomes or moresomes can be complex to arrange, and require patience and (yes, even more) communication to get right. Adult dating sites as well as sex chat forums offer ample opportunity to meet like-minded people, ranging from casual sex enthusiasts to lifestyle swingers and polyamorous partners.

It is wise to find out as much as you can about a potential ‘play partner’ before you meet up for anything sexual. This includes meeting in a friendly, safe environment so you can all get to  know each other in a place free from sexual overtones or pressure to perform.

Adding another person to a sexual session or to a relationship may be a top fantasy for both men and women, but it is also a fantasy which needs to be given serious consideration before becoming a reality. Sex with another person outside your relationship can’t be undone, so you need to be certain that you and your partner will be able to deal with the consequential thoughts and emotions not only during the session but also after the event.


Knowledge is power, so to help keep you in control of developments, it’s wise to research all the information you can find about your specific fantasy before you begin. This is particularly true for activities such as Shibari bondage, prostate massage, CBT, urethral sounding as well as many of the niche fetishes and BDSM related activities.

You will be able to find a wealth of information online about pretty much any fantasy subject or fetish. As well as the renowned Rule 34, it’s fair to say that if you have questions of a sexual nature, chances are that someone else has asked the same questions before you.

In the event that you don’t find the answers you need, join an adult forum online. These close knit but friendly and open communities allow you to make contact with others who may have the experience you can benefit from, while retaining any anonymity you require.


There should never be any obligation felt to make your fantasy a reality, nor do you have to keep any played out fantasy as a regular part of your sex life, if you don’t want. This should be a combination of fun and understanding; both of these are equally important if you are to experience success. You should regularly check that your partner is comfortable with the way things are going, and take any suggestions or requests they may have seriously.

So why not stop dreaming it, and start living it? The realisation of your fantasies could be closer than you think. Once you’ve communicated your desires to your partner, enjoy planning how to bring them to life together. What better way to reaffirm the intimate bond that you already share?


– Cara Sutra

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