Does using sex toys mean your partner isn’t good enough?

Picture the scene: You get home at the end of the day, and not seeing your boyfriend downstairs, you head to the bedroom.

You walk in, and… he’s there.

Making love to her.

His new Jenna Jameson Fleshlight.

How would you feel? Would it affect you?

Many women are put out by the thought of their partner using a male masturbator or other sex toys to achieve orgasm, even if they know their partner regularly masturbates without their assistance. It’s the same for many men; the thought of their female partner using a rabbit vibrator or vibrating sex toy to reach orgasm during masturbation is one they struggle to accept. Even if they don’t admit such insecurities aloud, and least of all to their partner.

Caught using a sex toy or vibrators

You might have sensed this coming; I am going to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about. Easier said than felt, I know. Even though the rational side of us is aware that sex toys are non-cognitive objects manufactured with the sole purpose of physical stimulation, the human condition dictates that where there is potential for relationship insecurity, it will creep in somehow.

If you are finding your partner’s use of sex toys during masturbation difficult to accept, there are a few ways you can both lessen the emotional impact, without one or both having to give up using their favourite masturbators, vibrators and dildos.

Put yourself in their shoes

Think about the reasons they’re using sex toys. Their attitude towards masturbation perhaps differs from your own, so a long, honest discussion about this would help you to understand their point of view.

Your partner may have difficulty achieving orgasm through the traditional, manual or sexually penetrative methods. With regards to women in particular, most women don’t orgasm through penetration alone, they require some additional stimulation such as manipulation or vibration to the clitoris.

The physical release of orgasm helps to release endorphins, the body’s natural happy chemical. So if your partner enjoys frequent masturbation, the chances are they will be more relaxed and happy in the relationship in general.

Understand your own concerns

If you’re finding it difficult to accept the fact that your partner uses sex toys, you need to look at your own attitudes towards masturbation and find out what exactly is causing you anxiety. Are you insecure in your relationship? If so, it’s not really their masturbation which is to blame. Take steps to build trust with your partner through regular chats together, building up a close bond through spending time together and understanding each other’s needs and desires.

Get involved with using sex toys

Using sex toys doesn’t necessarily have to be a solo activity. Many couples enjoy bringing sex toys to their sexual sessions together. There is a wide variety of sex toys available for couples now, from clitoral stimulating bullets to slip between you during sex, to sex toys you wear internally, externally or both at the same time to provide the perfect penetrative sex accessory. In this way you can both experiment with the stimulation you enjoy and who knows? In time you may both reach that often elusive synchronised climax, although of course this is not a pre-requisite of great sex!

Dare to talk about it

Don’t be afraid to talk about sex toys. They’re not the enemy; in fact just the opposite is true. Sex toys have been made to bring pleasure to people, singles or those in relationships.

Educate yourself

Read up on sex toy reviews online and see what works for other people. Although this isn’t a 100% guaranteed endorsement of what will work for you, adult product reviews will give you honest feedback from real people, not a company perspective.

There are also many guides out there on the internet and through printed media in sex toy shops, to help advise you on the best use of rabbit vibrators, dildos, anal sex toys, prostate massagers, strap on harnesses and much more.

Shop for sex toys together

Researching sex toys and shopping for them together can actually be a form of foreplay. Sitting in front of the computer and picking out sex toys you think your partner would enjoy, or something new to try together is sure to lead to arousal.

If you’re feeling brave, you could step out together into the high street and peruse the shelves of your local sex toy shop. Throughout these activities you’re both learning more about what  turns the other on, maybe even easing the way to confess long hidden fantasies to each other.

Find a sex shop you can trust

Barbara Kelly Sex Toys ShopWith the thousands of online sex toy shops vying for your custom, as well as more sex toy shops springing up in the high street every day, it can be difficult to know where best to shop for your next sexy purchase. Where can you buy the lowest priced vibrators? Will this company send your vibes and dildos in discreet packaging? How can you be sure an adult company is genuine and professional?

A sex toy company which gives you not only a wealth of sexy products to shop through but also has years of experience delighting their thousands of customers, is Barbara Kelly. Granted, you have plenty of choice when it comes to  buying your next vibrator, but there are several reasons why Barbara Kelly is an informed choice when it comes to selecting the best adult or sex toys website for your shopping.

Barbara Kelly has been sending sex toys and other adult gifts to their customers for over 10 years now. There’s well over 3,000 items for sale on the website, which are at the lowest possible prices, made possible by the frequent amount of sales Barbara Kelly fulfils on a daily basis and therefore the best prices they can deliver on selling such a large amount. Barbara Kelly have their own 3,000 square foot warehouse based in Chester, UK. All of these facts add up to the main attraction: here is a sex toy company you can trust in and rely upon to deliver not only good quality, cheap sex toys but also fast, discreet deliveries and ongoing, professional customer service.

Shop at and enjoy the new world of sexually stimulating adventures that sex toys can bring to your relationship and sex life.

– Cara Sutra


  1. weve both “caught” each other masturbating, when he’s found me getting myself off, he waits to see what I want him to do… go away, watch or join me in the fun !! i knew i met the right man, when, after we’d just had sex, i’d already had several orgasms, i rolled off him, and reached a vibe in the nightstand drawer. he had a slightly “confused” look on his face, i told him, “i’m not fucking done yet” the more i toyed myself, the harder he got, and was soon “back in the game”

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