What to Do When You’re No Longer Attracted to Your Partner

Many thanks to Brenda Barron of Loving Sex DVDs (Alexander Institute) shop & website for this guest post.

This is an informative and interesting article discussing one of the lesser discussed areas of sexuality and relationships. I hope you enjoy it and find it as thought provoking as I have done.

You can also find an exclusive Loving Sex DVDs special offer in my related post right here.

– Cara Sutra

 What to Do When You’re No Longer Attracted to Your Partner

couple no longer attracted to each other

Have you noticed a change in the dynamics of your relationship with your partner? If so, perhaps you are no longer as attracted to your partner and you are trying to put your finger on why. You want to do everything you can to make it work, but it is difficult without being able to identify the reason. Sometimes the reasons are so subtle that a lot of self-reflection and objectivity is needed to discover it so the proper steps can be taken to spice things up again.

Discovering the Reason for Loss of Attraction

Perhaps something has changed within you or something has changed within your partner. Many times, something has changed in both. Perhaps one or both of you have been stressed out at work or you both have experienced a traumatic life event. Maybe your partner is ill and feeling unlike themselves. When a person doesn’t feel well, they typically do not feel right about anything else.

Then again, the two of you may not be a good fit anymore. Unfortunately, this is a reality that affects a lot of couples and it is one that is highly emotional and confusing. The good news is that this is something that couples have come back from, leading to even stronger relationships.

But first you have to identify the exact reason so the two of you can work on it, so here is what you can do:

  • Sit down with your partner in a quiet place
  • Be honest about your feelings and observations regarding the relationship
  • Let your partner be honest and do not get upset
  • Let your partner know that you acknowledge and respect his or her feelings

When the two of you are able to be honest about how you feel, it is much easier to identify what has happened so that ways to fix the relationship can be discussed.

Relationship-Saving Solutions

Although you may have lost the attraction that you once had, communication and working together can rekindle the relationship. The two of you can see sides of each other that you may have never seen before and that can spark a new type of attraction even if you don’t feel like you fit well anymore.

– If boredom is the reason, that’s relatively easy to fix. Try something new! Put on costumes, have sex in a public place, or indulge in a little bondage. You might discover things about your sexual selves you never knew before, no matter how long you’ve been together up until this point.

– If the reason identified is illness, there are ways to accommodate this. If there are activities that your partner enjoys doing and they are capable, make sure the two of you do things together. If the illness affects things in the bedroom, listen to your partner and do what makes him or her feel comfortable and able.

– If stress is the reason, spicing up your love life can relieve stress, but stress tends to make people not want to even get close to the idea of sex. If you are not accustomed to letting your partner vent, it is time to do so. By letting him get what’s bothering him off of his chest and giving him the understanding he needs, he will feel closer to you and this can ultimately lead to a better sex life. This can take time, but the two of you can work out a remedy to the situation that is causing the stress. Sometimes, eliminating the source or changing a routine can bring a person back to themselves.

– If the issue is a life-changing event that was traumatic and it has involved one or both of you, go through it together rather than on your own. Open up that dialog you need and listen to each other as you express your feelings and frustrations.

By simply listening and acting as one instead of separate entities, you will be lighting the candles, role playing, buying sexy lingerie, and enjoying one another again. The difference between now and the past is that the two of you have become better connected and this will positively influence your sex life and every area of your relationship.

When a Relationship Can’t Be Saved

If the issue is a complete loss of attraction, understand that this sometimes happens in relationships and it’s okay. Some people fall out of love and lust. When you’ve gone through all of the above steps and still don’t feel connected, it may be time to mutually agree to move on. Approaching this as adults is your best bet for a smooth transition from coupledom to being single again.


For more information about rekindling the romance, establishing communication, and making sex fun again, visit Loving Sex to browse a wide selection of sexual education DVDs sure to put the spark back in your relationship.


– Brenda Barron


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