Fetish Friday: Owning a slave from a Mistress’ point of view

Mistress tells it like it is…

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There doesn’t seem to be much written on the subject of how a Mistress really feels about owning submissives or slaves. On a very superficial level, the stereotype is that the male submissive is weak and needy, the Mistress is strong, superior and a cold, hard faced Woman who streams commands down upon her doting submissive and who punishes him, while clad in something suitably shiny, on a daily basis in her very own dungeon.

If you think about it reasonably, you’ll soon figure that this isn’t the case for most Mistress/slave relationships. Not all of us are privileged to have our own dungeons, and personally, I don’t beat my slave(s) every day. I don’t feel like it, for one thing, and for another, they don’t often deserve such a reward. Nor do I feel like pouring myself into latex on a daily basis, or wearing 6 inch heel thigh boots every day of my life.

That’s without even touching upon the requirements of normal, daily life: kids, family, work, everything.

I am a Lifestyle Mistress and I am Dominant by nature. I am not paid per hour, although yes, I have been pro-Domme in the past. However I have found great relief in separating my income into paid writing work, and Dominating simply because I want to – not because some (usually ungrateful, disrespectful and overly fantasising) man decides to ‘hire me’ for an hour or two, no matter what the price is.

My Domination has become a lot happier and fruitful since making the decision, some years ago, to stop trying to be what I think I should be as a Mistress, or in BDSM, and start being who I actually am. Just because I don’t necessarily Dominate or own my submissives in the same way as “Uber Mistress X from Perfect BDSM Land”, doesn’t make me any less Dominant or less of a Mistress. All I strive to do is to meet both my needs and the needs of any submissive that I feel deserves their needs seen to, and whose interests meet with mine in a mutually gratifying way.

Over time, I have found that my interests peak and wane, just as they do with anything. I am easily bored and constantly moving between many different interests, despite being Dominant at heart. This means I may decide to barely interact with my slave(s) for weeks at a time, then come back to them when I feel ready to. This makes the phases where I do feel playful and interested in dressing up in my fetish wear, and punishing a submissive, even more intense and creative. The imagination needs time to rest and refresh, it’s not natural to carry on with simply one thing in life and expect it to come out as your best work every single day.

This isn’t to say these are the only times I Dominate my slave(s) either. I enjoy being served just as much when I am in PJs and slippers, being brought anything I need from a beverage to groceries, or being accompanied on shopping trips and having my slave carry all the shopping, or being wined and dined by the lucky slave in a lovely restaurant, just as much as playing the stereotypical but enjoyable role wielding an implement in a D/s session. Of course I do love the kink aspects of D/s, in particular, long term male chastity, male humiliation, foot worship and suchlike. I definitely do NOT have sexual contact with any submissives or slaves.

Nowadays, I go easy on myself, which is to say that I don’t make demands of myself from a Mistress point of view. I also stick to my own high standards and interact only with submissives who are respectful and who I deem worthy of my time and attention, which is undoubtedly much sought after, looking at my mailboxes.

Being a Mistress, I have the luxury of picking and choosing who I interact with and who I choose to carry on talking to and even meet. I want the submissive to feel privileged that I am spending my time with and on them, and for them to act accordingly, with respect and in time, devotion.

I don’t respond well to demands from submissives, whether this is rudely demanding to have their fetishes catered to, or for me to wear a certain material, or outfit, or shoes. Don’t bother messaging me asking how much it costs to have me do such and such a thing with such and such an implement, at this time, in this place. I don’t Dominate for you; I Dominate where, when and how I want to. My favourite messages are those which don’t request anything, not even a reply. Ironically, and probably due in part to my cruel Mistress nature, I tend to never reply to those begging to hear back, but always reply to those stating they don’t expect to hear from me, but simply wanted to express their thoughts and feelings.

My time is my own – not yours, not anyone else’s. How I choose to spend my time can be influenced, sure, in part. The better behaved, the more arousing and creative the submission, the more I will want to interact. I am not doing all the work myself; I am here to be served, not to serve you. Harassing a Mistress for attention and for her to ‘please Dominate me now ‘ is unlikely to get any response at all, and definitely not a pleasant one, if and when it does happen.

I don’t actually ask a lot from submissives and slaves who want to serve me. Imagination, total submission and to do absolutely everything I ask, without question. Not a lot really, is it?


Find my Mistress / FemDom website here

– Cara Sutra


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