It has long been debated what exactly love is, but I have come to the conclusion that a large percentage of what we feel as love must be our decision to trust someone with our most vulnerable parts.
Not just a physical trust, in lovemaking and sex, but the vulnerability of opening up our metaphorical hearts and the outpouring of our real selves. The self you show to no-one else, the ugly, worried, paranoid, aggressive, irrational and illogical, domineering or alternatively weak self that anyone else would find unbearable. Delivering the worst version of yourself to a person and knowing that instead of judgement you will find solace and comfort, acceptance and cuddles.
I know that with him I can be the complete worst version of myself, I feel free to show that side and know that I won’t be judged or rejected, he’ll still love me. Not just an underlying love but a shown love, in words and actions every day. Just like he can be as much of a mess as he likes, in the sanctuary of our space, and I will be there and comfort him and hold him and stroke him. It’s ok to fall apart sometimes, it’s comforting to know you’re safe to do so without reservation or reproach.
Other elements of trust creep into the love equation; knowing someone will do what they promise, when they promise. Knowing that what someone says is how things are, not drawn through a filter to protect feelings or facts utterly changed for whatever reason in the other person’s head. Clear communication without motive or selfish aspect. Just talking freely and trusting each other, respecting each other enough to do so.
No matter how much of a sobbing wreck I am, a depressed ball of emo or a ranty, spiky bitch from hell, I know he will still be there. Why? Because he’s still there for me now, after these years we’ve been together.
I love you; you put up with my bitching and whining, no matter how irrational. You calmly listen to my outpourings and sit with me, holding me as I lurch from anger to weeping and all the emotional layers in between. You know how much emotional baggage I have and don’t judge me for it, you know my weaknesses and jealousies and don’t use them for personal motive or emotional gain.
In love, we trust. We must trust because what is the alternative? Without trust you cannot love, it’s the cornerstone of a relationship. When you find someone deserving of your trust, you won’t know it yet. It takes time, tears and tantrums. Only that experience will deliver the security of knowledge that here you have a person you can thoroughly love, for the rest of your life.
– Cara Sutra