How To Tell Your Partner About Your Secret Sex Fantasy
By Cara Sutra
Are you ashamed about any of your sexual fantasies? Would you be daring enough to take the necessary steps to make any of your sexual fantasies a reality? It can be a challenge even considering how to tell your partner about your secret sex fantasy.
If you’re single, the chances are that you enjoy many sexual fantasies that aid your masturbation sessions. These could remain prevalent in the safe confines of your mind or they could be inspired and assisted by the erotic media you find in the likes of erotic books, printed sex guides, websites, adult films and porn or visiting adult clubs.
For those in relationships, you have a choice to make about your sexual fantasies. They can either be kept to yourself, for your mind and enjoyment only, or you may choose to share your fantasies with your partner. You might want to share your fantasies with your lover simply to enjoy the related discussion about them, to involve elements of the fantasy into foreplay and roleplay. On the other hand, you may wish to make that fantasy become a full reality, with their knowledge and consent.
Depending on what that fantasy is, and how confident you are, you may find it incredibly difficult to speak out loud about your fantasy. Many people do. Within the unspoken territory of our minds, fantasies are able to become as wild and adventurous as our imaginations allow, often with ideas and scenes that we’d be unsure about finding sexy and erotic if it were to become reality.
Even though you’d be sharing the fantasy with your partner, the person you have a regular sex life with and are closest to, expressing something so private and intimate vocally can understandably be a challenge even for the most sexually confident and most articulate person. How do you tell your partner about your secret sex fantasy?
Let’s take a look at some of the most common fantasies. See if you recognise any of the following:
Top sexual fantasies for men
Threesome – this is the top secret sex fantasy for a man. Usually comprising of their partner with another woman involved, two’s company but three could be a party.
Sex with a lapdancer or prostitute – this falls into the category of having sex with a stranger, someone who isn’t their partner, as well as combining in the assumed power of paying for sexual services or sex.
Sex in the car, or BJ while driving – there is the thrill of being caught, the danger involved and having sex in an unusual location.
Voyeurism – Many men harbour fantasies about watching her strip, masturbate or have sex. It could also include burlesque dances, private lap dances and roleplay in this regard.
Ageplay – Most often with reference to a younger woman, with a few fantasising about the older, more experienced woman too. Whether this gets as in depth as Daddy/little girl play, or full on cougar, is down to the individual.
Outdoor sex – Having sex somewhere other than the bedroom is a huge turn on. So is the possibility of being caught, or getting into trouble.
Being dominated/taking a strap on – One you may not have previously considered. There are some men who would love to relinquish control in the bedroom (and maybe even beyond the bedroom) and submit to a Dominant woman. This could lead to enjoying strap on sex and the associated Fetish and BDSM control roleplay.
A partner who plays dress up – Most men would love to see their partner in some hot, sexy lingerie, but dressing up can also include costumes and fantasy clothing too. Dressing up as a secretary, nurse, schoolgirl, french maid or nun will appeal to his male, visual nature and turn him on immensely. Shopping for sexy costumes together is part of the fun.
Top sexual fantasies for women
Bicurious fantasies – Many women are intrigued by sexual acts with another woman, even if they’re not sure whether they’re bisexual or not. This doesn’t mean they will be up for a threesome, they may fantasise about sexual intimacy with another woman, whether their partner is involved or not!
Being watched having sex – Unknown eyes looking at her in her most intimate moments, whether during sex with her partner or masturbation, can be an incredibly arousing thought. This can be made semi-reality by making your own sex tapes or sexy pictures.
Sex with a stranger – Sex with someone you don’t even know the name of sounds almost intoxicatingly arousing. The pure need for sex, regardless of whether you know the person or not, leads to a psychological pleasure release unlike any other.
Exhibitionism – Whether full sex in public, sex on a stage or performing in a strip club or show, there are a lot of women who get hot at the thought of exhibiting themselves physically for the pleasure of onlookers.
Rape-play – this is an often misunderstood fantasy and one which leads to feelings of confusion, and sometimes shame. As the ‘rape’ would be a consensual and roleplayed ‘forced sex’, the woman is able to enjoy feeling vulnerable and taken sexually, with the pretence of it being regardless of her wishes.
Roleplay – Roleplay and dressing up can include one of many roles, from common to niche fantasies. There are the traditional schoolgirl & headmaster, secretary & boss, naughty nurse and patient (or Doctor) as well as French Maid and rebellious nun. There are many costumes available to help these become reality.
Being Dominated – If your partner hasn’t had any experience of a kinky sex life or any knowledge of BDSM, it can be challenging to explain this need. Many women wish to give up control in the bedroom (and not just because of 50 Shades of Grey!), whether mentally submitting to their partner’s every wish, or being physically bound with handcuffs and bondage equipment, or disciplined by a sexy spanking session.
Double penetration – Often the woman will feel quite greedy for having this secret sex fantasy. Double penetration is where she has both her vagina and anal area sexually penetrated at once. Although the fantasy usually involves two men, this can be recreated in reality using many sex toys specifically designed to create a double penetration experience.
How To Tell Them
So how do you go about communicating your particular secret sex fantasy to your partner? First of all get straight in your own head what you hope to achieve by letting your partner into this private area of your mind. Do you want them to help you make it a reality (as far as you decide), or do you just want them ‘in on the secret’ so they can blend aspects of the fantasy into your shared sexy discussions, foreplay and sex sessions?
Once you have a clear idea of your needs and expectations, you’ll have a better starting point on how to tell your partner about your secret sex fantasy. You might want to subtly drop hints, by leaving magazines open by the bedside about the related topic, buying books about the fantasy or choosing to watch a film together which touches upon the subject.
If you are able to talk out loud about your secret sex fantasy, do so out of the bedroom, where they won’t feel any immediate pressure, and any activity can be thought about before jumping into the physical side of things. Find it hard to talk aloud? Go back to early methods of communication when flirting was rampant. Texting them your thoughts or discussing them over an instant messenger such as MSN is often much easier than face to face. You also can’t interrupt each other, and you get more of a chance to think about how you word things.
Once you’ve opened up to your partner about the sexy secret scenes inside your head that really ‘get you off’ you can enjoy not only a better sex life together but a stronger, more close knit relationship. Your partner will enjoy feeling trusted enough to be let in on these most private thoughts, motivating them to help you be as fulfilled, sexually and emotionally, as possible.
This post is sponsored and contains affiliate links