Talking Dirty – How, Why and What’s the big deal?

Talking Dirty

“You’re a filthy little slut.”

Your reaction to that statement will reveal your experience of and attitude to the somewhat mysterious activity, “talking dirty”.

Just what is talking dirty?
Why do people like it?
How do you talk dirty?
Where do you go for tips and advice?

Talking dirty is the art (yes, it really is an art) of heightening the arousal during foreplay and sex with a lover, by the use of suggestive talk; a sexually explicit narrative and what would normally be considered rude names in everyday conversation with your partner.

The combination of words you wouldn’t normally hear your beloved partner or your lover say, as well as vocalised descriptions usually reserved for the likes of steamy, erotic novels, provokes a surge of arousal which complements the physical sensations happening at the same time.

Having sex in silence isn’t always the most natural feeling. Sex is the physical connection between you and your partner, showing your love and/or lust for them in that moment. Adding spoken words into the mix can ramp up the passion immeasurably. Telling your partner what you want them to do and making them feel like a wanton slut, a corrupted princess or a dominated bitch-boy (the choice is yours) stokes the flames of that fiery passion and brings your sexual activity into a whole new dimension of mutual enjoyment.

So how do you go about talking dirty? Many people find it difficult to overcome shyness in this regard. Despite engaging in erotic foreplay with a partner and having sexual intercourse with them, for some reason putting words to your sexual desires is much more difficult than simply pouncing each other.

One mode of research that can help is reading erotic fiction. Sexy stories and fantasies in print can expand your sex vocabulary and kick-start your imagination. We’ve all heard about Fifty Shades of Grey, but erotic literature by no means ends there – nor did it start there! Erotica has been in production for years, filling the bedside drawers of many sexually adventurous women and couples to provide bedtime reading and set a highly erotic tone.

An alternative and much underestimated route to a better understanding of talking dirty are cheap phone sex lines such as Whatever your opinion of them, these phone sex hotlines lead to people who are paid for their dirty talking skills. Why not give it a go? Either call one of these sexy phone lines yourself and take notes about the conversation, or sit down together as a couple and see where the phone sex chat takes you. Some of these phone sex lines are surprisingly cheap and well worth the investment, for the tips and tricks you pick up along the way.

Communication outside of the bedroom with your partner about sexual fantasies often garners more useful information than attempting to discover these important facets while you’re in flagrante delicto. Physical stimulation interferes with the uncovering of deeply rooted fantasies and desires, so approaching these sensitive yet important areas of your relationship are best done while you can both think clearly.

Discuss the phrases that appeal to you most. For her, these could be names such as bitch, slut, whore, harlot, jezebel; while for him, terms such as tiger, bitch-boy, sex slave, Captain, stud, boss… even Christian Grey could be worked into the fantasy you’re sharing.

For those who wish to journey down a less mainstream and vanilla sex life, you could introduce power exchange titles into Dominance and submission roleplay. Titles such as Mistress, Ma’am, Miss, Goddess and Queen are popular for a Dominant woman, while for a Dominant man, Sir, Master and Daddy are the most often used names. The partner taking the submissive role may be called such things as subby, slut, bitch, puppy, kitten and other phrases showing their inferior position.

Once you have your fantasy and roles clearly defined in your mind, it will be much easier to move forwards with talking dirty once you’re in bed together. Take it at a pace that feels most comfortable. It may be that on the first couple of occasions you try out a new title for your partner, or simply whisper into their ear a description of what you’d like them to do to you.

Blindfolds are fantastic accessories in the bedroom.  Their use is not limited to heightening physical stimulation when sight is removed, they can also help ease the self consciousness associated with sharing your dirty thoughts aloud. When you can’t see your partner, you may be more inclined to say what’s really on your mind, without feeling embarrassed or judged for it.

The simplest phrases can have a bigger impact on your partner than you think. Just summoning the courage to tell your partner directly how you feel, what you want or using a sexy name to describe them can be all it takes to gain their admiration and push their buttons.

Try it for yourself. Enhance your sex life in a positive way by introducing the art of talking dirty – sex will never be the same again!

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