How To Become A Dominant In The Bedroom
Learn how you could become a Dominant in the bedroom
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the latest way to inject some sizzle into your sex life is with a generous dollop of kink. Ok, not the latest way. But although fetish, kink and BDSM have been practised for centuries, it is certainly enjoying plenty of the limelight right now, thanks to the 50 Shades of Grey saga.
Just what is Dominance and submission? Why are they sexy? Is this whole thing something that ‘normal’ couples get up to in the privacy of their bedrooms, decorated like a red room of pain or otherwise?
Dominance is the act of control over your partner or lover (the distinction clear that it may be someone with whom you have sexual relations or not) for sexual or psychological, mutual and consensual, pleasure. Submission is the act of submitting your mind and body to your partner or lover (again, someone you may or may not have sex with) for your mutual enjoyment; physically, mentally or both. There’s nothing wrong or strange about these practices, they are perhaps at a different place on the sexuality spectrum than you are used to dabbling; that’s not to say they on a different spectrum entirely.
In all cases, communication is of the utmost importance. Make sure you take things slowly and at all times be sure that your partner is happy with the way things are going. Avoid mouth gags until such time that you can be sure of another action meaning ‘stop’, than a spoken safeword.
A spoken safeword is a word you would not normally say in a given situation (such as ‘giraffe’, ‘orange’, ‘lemmings’ etc), that means ‘stop what’s happening right now’. ‘Stop’ or ‘no’ doesn’t always mean those exact things in the context of Dominance and submission, or even during sex and acting out sexual fantasies!
“Being Dominant” encompasses a lot more than merely slapping some handcuffs on your chosen ‘submissive’ and flailing around with a flogger, enjoying the sound of your own berating voice. Here, however, we will be looking at what may be your first foray into the world of Dominance over your partner – in a mutually enjoyable and completely consensual way, of course.
Becoming The Dominant Man
If your partner wants you to become more Dominant in the bedroom, you may wish to try out bondage. There are many bedroom bondage kits available, such as the First Time Fantasy Bondage Kit and even ones to affix to your mattress, making bondage easy and available any time you like, such as a Bed Bindings Restraint Bondage Kit.
Once you have your partner bound with cuffs to their wrists and ankles, you can explore other tantalising methods to arouse them, such as inserting some teasing, vaginal jiggle balls (also known as Kegel Balls or Ben Wa Balls). You could also use a simple Lady Finger Vibrator or Mini Vibrator to stimulate erogenous zones such as nipples, vulva, perineum and inner thighs until they are writhing in pleasurable submission to you.
Shop all mini vibrators here.
Embracing The Domme In You
If he wishes you to become the bedroom Dominatrix, what better way than to bind him using some bondage restraints, then dim his vision with a Satin Love Mask. This will have the added bonus of helping you retain your confidence during the roleplay session too.
Some light spanking may be required – but if want to save your hand why not grab an Oval Paddle. Paddles are easy to use and fantastic for warming up their soft buttocks ready for the more intense impact play of a crop such as a Metal Tipped Riding Crop.
Many men fantasise about having a strap on sex set used on them, but many couples don’t know where to start. The Fetish Fantasy First Timers Strap On Dildo Set has been designed especially for beginners to strap ons, with a small size dildo shaped for the most comfortable anal entry for him, even if it’s his first anal sex toy outing. Don’t forget the water based lubricant!
Enjoying The Kink
Once you have discovered a bit more about each others’ kinks and desires of a Dominance and submission nature, you can enjoy delving a bit further into kink every time. Taking things at a pace you are both comfortable with, keep the lines of communication open and research the different ways in which you can exert Dominance or show your submission to pleasure your partner, for example by reading articles like this one online or by purchasing one of the many books on the subject.
When you are the one in control, even if it is just for a temporary time during bedroom roleplay, you take responsibility for your partner’s enjoyment and their physical safety, especially if you include bondage. Make sure they are always able to communicate with you in some way, if they need to. If you are uncertain of their emotional comfort at any time, don’t be afraid to stop what you’re doing and check with them.
No matter how erotic the session seems to you, or how electric the atmosphere, it isn’t worth never being able to dabble again because your partner feels unable to trust that you will care for them adequately throughout the session. Afterwards, make sure you give lots of what is known as ‘aftercare’. Cuddles, reassurance and if wanted, a discussion about what took place. Submission is a very emotional experience and requires a lot of trust in you as the Dominant partner, so respect should be given where it is due.
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