BDSM & FemDom Advice: What being a Mistress Really Means

What Does It Mean to be a BDSM Domme or Mistress?

sardax

The Mistress is NOW. No Ordinary Woman. You may have heard of a BDSM Mistress, but what does this term truly mean? What qualities and facets does it encapsulate? Why are Mistresses so highly valued and sought after?

Don’t make the mistake that many do: a Mistress is very different to a Dominatrix or a session Domme. Unlike ladies who Dominate or Top for a session, a Mistress owns her property over the long term and the power exchange is not necessarily limited to the dungeon environment.

The element of sexual contact will of course be down to the individual preference of the Mistress, however being in the fortunate position of having a Mistress is very different from coupling with a vanilla partner or lover. Even if there should be any sexual contact, a Mistress will always retain the control element. The submissive partner is always owned by her.

Following long established FemDom traditions, there are basic elements of Mistress etiquette that keep the sisterhood strong, alive, powerful and respected. SSC and/or RACK form the basis of all Dominant and submissive interaction in the BDSM scene, to protect both sides and keep activity and players safe. SSC stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual, while the slightly different elements of RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

Consent is the main requirement of all BDSM activity. Consent must be given from both sides and safety precautions to this effect are placed by way of a safeword or the BDSM universally acknowledged traffic lights system. Red means stop, amber means stop to discuss and green is the reassurance that everything is proceeding nicely, thanks.

In my opinion, a Mistress keeps Dominance in mind in her everyday life. Not just Dominance over the submissives and slaves she may own, but also in control of her own affairs. After all, how can one expect a submissive to give you respect when you cannot even keep your own life in order? Having common courtesy and remaining sincere and honest will see your Dominant and respect-worthy nature shining through.

It just isn’t done for a Mistress to chase submissives. A Mistress is a superior woman and is approached by polite, well mannered submissives. If they aren’t polite and don’t show the gratitude required to even remain in a Mistress’ presence, they are at best ignored and otherwise dismissed from her presence, whether in real life or in a cyber context. A Mistress should tolerate only what she will allow and not a millimetre further.

A Mistress has standards and expectations and then sticks to them. No means no. There will not be acceptance or tolerance of anything less than what the Mistress deems perfect for her particular desires. This sets the feminine standard. Choice is, after all, the woman’s perogative.

I believe that the great artist Sardax beautifully captures the ideal elements of a Mistress through his exquisite FemDom artwork. The traditional traits of Female Dominance are hereby seen: psychological understanding of a submissive’s needs, tempered with an alluring cruel streak of elegant manipulation. There is a strong sense of kindness and sympathy that exudes beneath the perceived cold and harsh exterior of a Mistress. Without this, how would a Mistress be able to so finely adapt their innate creativity to keep a submissive tethered for as long as they wish, whether physically or psychologically?

Tying in with the fact that a submissive or slave is bound to serve the Mistress comes the important fact that a Mistress needs to be trust worthy at all times. The importance of this is all too often under-estimated. The submissive is entrusting a great many things to their Mistress; their private desires, their time, their body and their emotions. It is a very important fact of my personal Domination that I never lie to my submissives. They must always know that I speak the truth.

That is not to say that words cannot be twisted, truths cannot be omitted, their perceptions played with for your mutual sadistic and masochistic enjoyment. Such is the way of FemDom. Sometimes it is what you don’t say, which has the greatest impact of all. The choice of words, the meaningful pauses, the tangible and delicious realisation.

Psychological Dominance is the main aspect which sets a Mistress apart from a Dominatrix. Although other Dominant women may of course choose to incorporate psychological dominance into their power exchange relationships and scenes, a Mistress means much more than merely stalking around in thigh boots, wearing shiny fetishwear and wielding a flogger menacingly. She may of course choose to do this anyway, if that is her wish. It is a complete lifestyle, a personality trait, a different consciousness.

To be a Mistress is one of the hardest, most responsible positions in the world, yet can be the most fulfilling and most liberating. A Mistress is the reed that dances to her own rhythm, yet never breaks.

– Cara Sutra

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