BDSM & FemDom Advice: Lifestyle versus Professional Domination

The difference between Lifestyle and Professional Domination

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Β£250 per hour. That’s what a Professional Dominatrix can demand in exchange for her time and services. Yes, some women get paid in exchange for Domination. Why do some charge but others do not? Are there any other differences between paying for Domination by the hour and “getting it for free”?

A Dominant woman will usually have a good idea from the outset which category she falls into; whether she is a Professional Dominatrix or a Lifestyle Domme. As all things in FemDom are the woman’s prerogative, she may of course change her outlook as she chooses during the course of her Dominant life.

To give a brief overview of the term definitions: Professional Domination refers to power exchange sessions and Domination in exchange for remuneration, whereas Lifestyle Domination is a reference to those who dominate as an aspect of their personality and during life in general; to those who submit and consent, of course.

A submissive will often have a preference for either Professional or Lifestyle Domination. For the submissive who would like nothing more than planned in advance Domination sessions and to continue their life beyond those sessions without being Dominated, Professional Domination is ideal.

Professional Dominants are easy to find through Mistress directories online. Sessions are booked and paid for in advance, then carried out at a location decided by the Dominant woman.

There is a world of difference between a talented Dominant who is financially recompensed for her time and talents, and a sex worker who chooses to incorporate bondage and corporal punishment into the services she offers. Too many people make the mistake of assuming that the two are one and the same.

Professional Dommes are not prostitutes. Any remuneration is for her Domination skills and expertise, not for sexual contact or sex acts. Sexual contact will not be a part of any session with any Professional Dominatrix worth her salt.

Lifestyle Mistresses and Dommes are incredibly sought after but as many submissives report, difficult to impress. As the Lifestyle Domme chooses her submissive based on the qualities she sees in him or her, rather than after a negotiated or set fee, it can prove challenging for a submissive to prove their worth to a Lifestyle Domme and be accepted into her service.

That is not to say that Lifestyle Domination equals “getting it for free”. The nature of FemDom shows that submissives would do well to recognise the value of their Mistress and show their appreciation of her time once accepted into her service. Not merely through obedience and submission, but regular gifts should at least be offered. If nothing else, it’s good manners and part of BDSM scene etiquette.

In reality, Professional and Lifestyle Domination are not at odds with each other, nor is one better than the other. They are simply different. In fact, the issue should really be, Lifestyle or Professional Domination, rather than versus.

Knowing whether you are a Professional or Lifestyle Mistress, or a submissive drawn to Professional or Lifestyle Domination, comes down to a number of factors. These include your understanding of and attitude to your own kink as well as your personal life circumstances.

For instance, you may be a woman with no desire to manage a submissive outside of a set session, or a submissive who cannot commit time beyond a session to serve a Mistress on a more day to day basis. Professional Domination would suit both of these cases.

In order to reduce the chance of psychological, emotional and sometimes even physical hurt, it is important to determine your orientation and Domination needs as early in your kink journey as possible. Investing time and emotion into a Dominant/submissive bond which does not combine the right facets for one or both people involved is a painful event which can potentially take years to heal.

Thoughtlessly experimenting with D/s relationships is no less hurtful than toying with a person’s emotions in vanilla relationships. Ensuring you are both on the same page will mean you’re doing your best to guard against any loss of interest, feeling neglected, getting hurt or hurting someone who is investing time and emotion in you.

Considering your life circumstances as well as your Domination or submission needs will help you determine which style of FemDom fits your life best. This applies to both the Dominant woman and the submissive.

A clearly defined orientation will enable you and your D/s partner to feel entirely fulfilled on the path of BDSM discovery, confident you have made the right decision.

 

– Cara Sutra

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