A female body confidence story
Back when I was a teenager I often wondered just what was normal for ‘down there’. On one occasion, my girlfriends and I were messing around during the usual teen explorations and adventures in self discovery. One of them exclaimed, “what the hell is THAT hanging out of your vagina?!” which is where my issues started.
What WAS that?
An experience like this affected my sexual confidence and sex life before it had even had the chance to begin. Boys came and went, but never did I allow a man to look ‘down there’.
Any intimate activities would be completely controlled by me; I would guide their hand or penis in a way to stop them touching that THING and them running for the hills.
However, things got serious when I met my wonderful fiancé Bill in 2010. I was still so shy during intimate moments that he only ever saw it once. That’s when we took a shower together. He never said anything but I was convinced he was horrified.
Then in 2012 I fell pregnant with my little girl. Pregnancy just made it 100% worse. Everything swelled up and my fiancé even asked me on one occasion if my lips had grown in size. I almost died from shame.
The birth was the final straw. My baby was 9lbs 8oz who tore me to pieces. My labia were just shredded to bits and they had to be sewn back together and stitched back on. As a result they now looked bigger and more mangled than ever. I felt so depressed.
Consequently as I retreated into my shell, I refused to have sex with my fiancé. I couldn’t even bear the thought of him coming near me anymore. This obviously took its toll on our relationship.
I finally plucked up the courage to start seeking help for my lack of confidence and depression one year later. I spoke to my grandmother, as we’d always been very close and I knew she’d listen. She said she had noticed my unhappiness.
After speaking with her I had built enough courage to get this important issue sorted once and for all. I found a surgeon I felt comfortable talking to and we discussed the problems.
I was grateful that the surgeon went through everything in detail with me, explaining about pre-ops, the actual surgery and the expected end results.
Feeling confident about the information provided and the reassuring discussion with the surgeon, I booked and paid for what I needed upfront and there was nothing left but to wait until the surgery. I was so excited.
The day finally dawned and next thing, I was being prepared for the general anaesthetic. I don’t remember anything after that until I woke up in recovery! I immediately looked and cried tears of joy and happiness. I’d had a ‘Barbie’ style and could not have been happier.
Now, I am 9 days post-op and finally have the confidence and courage to show my fiancé the most intimate part of me. He is so proud of me and I am absolutely delighted at the results. The whole procedure only took 45 minutes!
Recovery is painful, but it’s worth every second. What really helped was having the full and complete support of my fiancé, Bill. Before the surgery, we talked in depth about the procedure and my feelings and he reassured me that he didn’t care what I looked like. He loved me regardless.
Therefore, the surgery was carried out because I wanted it; I needed it. This was done for me, and only me. There’s just nothing worse than being repulsed by your own reflection.
Thankfully, I don’t have that problem anymore!