YKINMK: Your Kink is Not My Kink

YKINMK – Your Kink is Not My Kink

By Cara Sutra

Whether you are new to the world of kink or a seasoned fetish scene practitioner, you will at some point come across the acronym YKINMK. What does it stand for and what does it really mean?

When online, the YKINMK acronym is commonly thrown about on chat boards, fetish forums and social networks while discussing fetish topics. Face to face, the actual phrase is more likely to be said: “your kink is not my kink.”

YKINMK - Your Kink is Not My KinkIt’s really another way of saying, you have my respect as a fellow kinkster, someone in the fetish scene, however the particular kink or fetish which you refer to or which you practice doesn’t float my personal boat. I am not saying it is wrong for you to do it, but I don’t get aroused by that myself.

This view or ideology would be one that would be well suited to more general matters in all walks of life. How about, YLINML (your life is not my life), YSINMB (your sexuality is not my business) or even ALAYNHA (as long as you’re not hurting anyone). Non-consensually, obviously.

I may be making light-hearted remarks here but I do think there is a more serious undertone to this message. Why should the open mindedness and accepting attitude of the YKINMK message be limited purely to the Fetish world? Surely if adopted by the world at large, many societal and cultural issues would abate.

I am not a Christian by any means, I don’t even believe in god, being the bearded old man in the sky who made all of us and now for some reason has left us to suffer the cruelties of this world alone. No, I can’t see it. If you do, good luck to you and your happiness.

But the premise of the Golden Rule which is meant to be one of the founding factors of Christianity is seen in the YKINMK attitude.

Do unto others as you would like them to do to you.

I don’t mean physical actions in this case, so don’t worry – I am not preaching that you should only flog your submissive if you want it done to you!

What I do mean is that we should be happy to give out an attitude of understanding and acceptance of others’ kinks and fetishes as we would wish them to be respectful and accepting of our own.

Not even limited to kinks and fetishes, but sexuality, relationships, lifestyle preferences and choices as well as much more.

I’m not naive, I very much doubt that this ideal and happy event will ever spread through the world to unite everyone in a lifestyle of freedom and acceptance. But I am proud to be part of the Fetish scene which has at its core such an accepting message of respect for people’s preferences and beliefs, especially in a circle so ironically condemned by the major part of society.

It seems to be especially despised and banned by those within Christianity and religion itself – something who should actually abide by its own Golden Rule instead of inciting hatred amongst their followers and causing anything from societal uproar to fully fledged warfare due to centuries old narrow minded opinions.

Whatever your own views on the Fetish scene – from those who enjoy soft handcuffs in the bedroom to those who visit Fetish clubs and events and love the more extreme kinks – I would invite you to ask yourself these questions.

  • Can you say you adhere to any principle similar to YKINMK in your own life?
  • Should you really judge others who engage in consensual acts with other open minded adults and who actually don’t pressurise you to agree or join in at all?

Whatever your lifestyle, sexual or other preferences in life, I believe that the essence of YKINMK is surely one to keep foremost in your mind.


Have your own thoughts on this subject? Please leave a comment below!

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  1. Hi, is YKINMK not too far from the very well known phrases ‘each to their own ‘ and ‘live and let live’ that have been going for years?

  2. Agree wholeheartedly – the ‘live and let live’ attitude is one we could all do to remember, not just in relation to sex but in relation to everything. I get frustrated with the idea that we’re all similar, and that those with unique fetishes or tastes are somehow freakish and unusual – to be ‘tolerated’ rather than welcomed. We’re all different, and odd in our own special ways, and the more variety there is in life, the more interesting life is.

  3. Couldn’t agree more with your words and its the sentiment that we adore at our BDSM club, everyone is so accepting, interested and respectful. There is many fetishes that occur that aren’t for me or YSL but we share the enthusiasm they have for adventure, expression and the quest for pleasure however derived (within moral boundaries)

    Great post x

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