Guest Post: The alternative sex toy review files – Ethernet Cable

gotn-aviThis guest post was kindly provided by Girl on the Net. Girl on the Net is a filthy sex blogger, angry feminist and fan of getting drunk then frotting willing gentlemen on the night bus. If you want more of this kind of filth, visit her sex blog or buy her book: Girl on the Net: my not so shameful sex secrets, which will be released towards the end of May.


*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Non-sex toy reviews: Ethernet cable


I fucking love nerds. Computer nerds in particular. With their quick fingers tapping away and making incomprehensible code appear in a black box on screen and their knowledge of things I could only dream of understanding. To my mind, the only thing better than a nerd is a nerd sitting naked from the waist down playing idly with his dick while he runs a test suite.

I also love fucking nerds. Which means that, when one of my favourite, nerdiest guys mentioned casually in a text message that if I didn’t behave he’d have to restrain me with CAT-5 cable, I was so aroused I nearly slid off my chair.

CAT-5 cable has three primary purposes:

  1. to make internet go from one place to another
  2. to tie up dirty girls who have misbehaved
  3. to whip dirty girls who have misbehaved

I know little about the first, but I’ll walk you through the second two.

Tying someone with cable is filthy hot, in a way that tying someone with anything is. But the added bonus with cable is that it’s something you wouldn’t normally use – the unusual nature makes it sexier, because it’s usually done on a whim. In this case, it happened in my bedroom, where I like to keep a selection of wires and assorted paraphenalia strewn around the floor just in case someone takes it upon themselves to use it as a fuck toy.

Plastic cable hurts – it’s tight and it sticks to your skin. When you’re tied, you feel restrained in a more solid way than you do with rope, because you can’t shift your position against the bonds very well – plastic rubs at your wrists and ankles and feels tighter the more you move. Being held down and fucked while the skin on my wrists is screaming in agony is a delicious sensation.

Is there anything more delicious? Well yes, there is.

I don’t like being whipped – the thin, stinging sensation of the cane is too intense for me, and I prefer the hefty thud of a flogger. I like floggers and belts partly because of the deep ‘thwack’ sound they make, and partly because, with a flogger at any rate, a guy who is beating me can really put his back into it. Delicate taps with the cane will have me wailing for the punishment to stop, but with a thick implement I can relax into it, enjoying each sturdy whack like it’s a thrust from the guy’s cock.

CAT-5 cable (or, indeed, any internet-transmitting wire) can either whip or thwack, depending on how you hold it. The beauty of the cable is that you can coil it around and around your hand, creating a punishment tool exactly as thick as you like – adding or removing coils to create just the right sensation of pain. And for me it just so happens that if you coil it so you have a curve of about 7 or 8 wires thick, it hits just the right sweet spot.


As a toy with which to beat someone, I can barely fault it. Just be a bit careful that you don’t catch your partner with one of the plastic plugs on the end. Marks will be deducted from it as a tying implement, though. This is for boring health and safety reasons: if you need to get out of it in a hurry, only seriously strong scissors or a pair of wire cutters will do.



Please share your thoughts!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.