Stampy Pants Rant: Watch batteries in sex toys

Official Stampy Pants RantBloody cell aka watch batteries in sex toys! No!

So you’re excitedly looking forward to a nifty little vibrator that promises a whole new world of power, sensation and kick-ass orgasms.

THEN you find out it takes 3 x LR44 (or whateverthefuck other hoity-toity name you want to give a tiny disc cell watch battery thing).

DISAPPOINTMENT.

So much disappointment, that it requires an emo song from my Ireland-inhabiting youth as a soundtrack.

Yes indeed.

Please, sex toy manufacturers – make sex toys that take decent batteries.

Batteries that give awesome (or as close as possible) power.

Batteries that are easy to insert.

Batteries that don’t reach pretty damn scary temperatures not even half way to orgasm.

Batteries that don’t randomly explode if they are too cheap or too old. Yes, this really happens (gun shots going off in the office in previous days are a testament to this. I’m amazed I don’t have a bloody heart condition from the regular shocks.)

In fact, just batteries, full stop. Not tiny discs of crappy cheap metal tat!

If both the Rocks Off RO-80 bullet vibe and the Lovehoney/Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet vibe are both powered by N batteries WHY ISN’T YOUR DAMN SEX TOY?

I know you want to keep costs down, I really do. We all know that we’d love a £10 rechargeable bullet vibrator but it just isn’t possible with manufacturing and material costs.

But if a bullet vibe has to be battery powered, it should be with safe batteries that we can all get our hands on. And I don’t just mean being able to source them, but also – get our hands on with enough steady grip to insert them the right bloody way round in the battery compartment without them flipping over and bouncing out.

That’s if they manage to power the damn sex toy in the first place. I am looking at you, Doc Johnson, with your incredibly disappointing Reflections Glass Bullet Vibrator. Other culprits include Nass Toys and Cal Exotics who have a large amount of products that require LR 44 batteries. Not even always bullet vibrators – so be careful before you buy your next sex toy!

In summary: Please, no more watch batteries. Thank you.

 

 

More Stampy Pants Rants soon!

 

 

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