How Do I Find The Right Domme Or Mistress?

How Do I Find The Right Domme Or Mistress?

Wondering how you find the right Domme or Mistress for you? Here’s some helpful advice I have to a kinky reader.

Hi Cara,

I have been looking to get into the BDSM scene by Serving a mistress. How do I find a mistress that would be right for me? There are loads on different sites but as a complete novice I need some help.



How Do I Find The Right Domme Or Mistress? How Do I Find The Right Domme Or Mistress?
Answer to: How Do I Find The Right Domme Or Mistress?


Hi Simon, thanks for your question!

How Do I Find The Right Domme Or Mistress?Firstly, I would advise that you always refer to Mistress with a capital M. This shows respect for her title and place in authority above you.

Secondly, it really depends what you would like to get out of the M/s (Mistress/submissive- or slave) relationship. If you are a session style submissive you may be best approaching a Professional Domme, who will negotiate what you require out of a Domination session and will charge a fee for her time spent with you.

If you are looking more for a Lifestyle relationship, this tends to be more difficult. As a Lifestyle Domme myself, I am incredibly choosy when it comes to accepting new submissives or slaves – and there are literally thousands out there just like you, wishing for the chance.

The advice I can give you is this. Be respectful at all times. Don’t make a mockery of her, her lifestyle or particular wishes. If the Domme you approach requires a gift or an initial tribute to let her know you are serious – do it! It is her way of weeding you out from the ones who are timewasters, out just for kicks, to get a reaction or for wank fodder.

Make sure your messages to a Domme are spelled correctly. Poor spelling, grammar and punctuation is such a turn off. This is your only method of communication with her for now, make it the best you can do.

Do everything she requires. I would advise you approach Dommes who have built up a profile in the scene, as then you know you are wanting to submit to a responsible, experienced Mistress.

If she asks for proof of tasks by photograph, provide it. If on Twitter, load an avatar – even if you want to remain anonymous. It doesn’t have to be your face, it can be a generic fetish image or one you like. Don’t make it a picture of your cock, seriously, it’s NOT impressive and will probably just end up with you getting blocked from the outset.

Above all, make this about her pleasure, her desires and her needs. Be intelligent and imaginative. The answer to, ‘What can you do for Me?’ is NOT EVER ‘Whatever you wish Mistress.’ She could have told you that herself! Think about your skills, things you can provide for her amusement, her interest. Ask her whether she would like website work done, or if she requires a domestic slave. Chances are, answers including ‘I can lick your pussy’ or ‘I want you to sit on my face’ will not meet with success.

Don’t make your Twitter feed, message stream or other just  plea after plea to every and any Mistress that you can find. It’s boring and shows that all you are thinking about is you, not her, whoever she may be.

Do your research. Find a Mistress you actually want to serve, then make the proper effort. Be an amusing, interesting, intelligent person in your own right. She’s more likely to want to know more about you.

Arrogance and vanity is a no-no. The length of your cock, your bedroom prowess and stamina and how tall you are really isn’t going to impress. Trust me. You’ll get shot down from the start.

I hope this has helped you and wish you the best of luck.

Cara Sutra Signature

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