…And Protecting Myself From Hurt
After asking today what I should blog about next, the first part of this blog post’s title came about, for some mysterious reason. Well yes it might seem I’ve been on a bit of a world domination spree lately. Ok, not just lately I admit, it’s in my blood, my nature, my character. I wasn’t always this way. I used to be a doormat when I was younger, but times change us and any knocks or bad experiences just callous the heart and make us harder. I have had my share of those, more than my fair share, in fact.
However in the words of beautiful Pink:
“I wouldn’t trade the pain for what I’ve learned…”
Better to be harsh, embittered, hard, domineering and cynical than a naive, gullible, soppy, blase, innocent doormat? Well perhaps not for everyone, but this is my armour and I’d rather keep it on, thank you.
My protection is to be ruthless, cut-throat and vicious at times. Attack is the best form of defence after all. I can appear heartless, vindictive and ice cold, as anyone who has been on the receiving end of one of my ranting tirades will agree.
It is an awful way to view the world, perhaps, in some people’s opinion. Why not be optimistic, expect the best from people, put faith in humanity? I would so love to be like that but we are only the sum of our experiences, and mine have taught me to be careful, very careful in dealing with the world and its people. I would rather expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised than put my faith in people or things just to yet again be let down.
There are only so many times you can be let down and your heart cut entirely into pieces before you lose the ability to just trust blindly. Once bitten twice shy, hell hath no fury.. all these sayings have an element of truth and reflect parts of the human psyche.
These days I use the fact that I look fairly innocent (I like to think, anyway) to my advantage. I don’t think I look old and embittered, not as much as I feel at times anyway! I have come close to death several times and now I view life with different eyes. it is here to be lived. This is my life. I will live it. Those impeding on my life with anything affecting the root core of who and what I am, in a negative way, will find themselves amputated from my life.
You would think all of the above makes me a very vulnerable, fragile person with a frail shell of confidence. But in fact, it now comes to a point where I am strong inside. The strength that comes from accepting weakness, accepting limitations and accepting the fact I have emotional insecurities, problems in my psyche and mental imbalances that make me ‘abnormal’, whatever the hell normal is meant to be.
I don’t have time for people’s petty jealousies, cattiness, bitchiness, trying to drag me down. I laugh at the last one. I have been to the very pit of my own personal hellish abyss, you really think mere words will hurt me? You cannot say anything I have not heard a million times before, and probably phrased more articulately, come to that.
I have a sense of personal freedom now. Happiness from accepting unhappiness.
You know what world? I’m me. Accept me as I am, insanity, distrust, contradictions, hyposcrisy and all. I am here to live my life, the way I want to live it, and noone can stop me.
We all have this one chance to live our short lives, why should we let other people dictate to us how it is done, when they get their own chance of life anyway?
Step out with confidence, bluff or not. Appear eager to live. Head up, shoulders back, have a passion for life and what YOU want to achieve, without anyone telling you.
Believe in yourself and you can achieve world domination.