Swiss Navy Massage Cream and Swiss Navy Masturbation Cream Review
By Cara Sutra
No, it’s not a conspiracy… Simply the same formulation sold in different ways to appeal to possibly different people, genders, uses. The ingredients are the same for each.
You’ll notice that they’re labelled as ‘creams’ rather than lubes – there’s a good reason for this. Simply that the formulation really is a cream rather than anything resembling the drizzly transparent stuff you get in a typical squeeze tube or pump dispenser of the sex lube variety.
These sachets were given to me by UberKinky when I visited recently. Hopefully you’ll remember than I spent the day at their HQ in heavenly (!) Hull – and had quite the adventure, including a dildo war with Mistress Vikki. I was loaded with goodies as I left the offices, including a bag of Swiss Navy Massage Cream sachets and Swiss Navy Masturbation Cream sachets to do with as I thought best.
Oddly enough, my thoughts didn’t turn to inserting them anywhere.
You can find some Pleasure Panel reviews for the Swiss Navy Massage Cream and Masturbation Cream on the site already, but I wanted to give them a try too.
The sachets are fairly easy to open – twist the top off and squeeze out the contents. I like the fact that as they’re a cream formulation the contents don’t drip out everywhere, you need to actively squeeze the sachets to dispense the cream. The hole left at the top of the sachet once you’ve twisted off the top is quite small, but not so small as to make dispensing difficult. Just small enough so that you could have fun decorating your or your partner’s body with designs or even spell out words if you want. Or, if you’ve fallen out, spell out a choice phrase on their pillow. The possibilities are (almost) endless.
As for using this as a lube, well… I don’t. It’s a cream (I may have said this) so for me it’s just too thick so be suitable for vaginal or clitoral pleasure during sex or masturbation with or without sex toys. I can’t comment on whether the ‘masturbation cream’ would be good for penile masturbation, it does seem more of a moisturising cream rather than a friction removing, slippery liquid.
Speaking of moisturising cream, this formulation is brilliant. For just that. Moisturising. I found if I put it on dry skin areas or used it as a body lotion just out of the shower my skin felt much softer and more supple. This is probably due to the mineral oil and coconut oil elements. Think cocoa butter consistency and uses.
As a lube – this formulation isn’t great for me. As a foreplay toy, massage cream and especially as a dry skin balm? Excellent.
I’ll rate the formulation 7/10 as it does have parabens in sadly – and it does nothing for me if I use it vaginally or clitorally. But then, it’s labelled as a cream not a lube (I’ve definitely mentioned that fact).
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