Perlesque Selene Massager Review

By Pleasure Panel reviewer Beating Around The Bush

When I first opened the Perlesque Selene Massager (available from perlesque.com) I was honestly blown away. That, I assure you, is really saying something. I’ve unboxed more than my fair share of sex toys so I’m really not that easily pleased anymore.

It came inside a really minimal but super chic, grey, square box. Total Scandi vibes. On the top of the box there is a small rose gold metallic Perlesque logo, which looks like the infinity symbol. And on one side is the brand name, the product name – Selene – and the tagline ‘always a pleasure’. It’s so stylish and actually really beautifully-made packaging. The box is sturdy and feels really high quality as it’s almost embossed with a microscopic honeycomb-type pattern.

For anyone wanting to protect their modesty, and not alert any prying eyes to what’s inside, the box really does tell no tales. It wouldn’t look out of place on your coffee table, either.

Inside the box is a large, what I would call ‘brushed linen’ bag. Also sporting the rose gold Perlesque logo, it’s drawstring and made from lovely material. It’s always a little treat when your new toy comes with it’s very own bag, right? So fancy!

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Underneath the bag was the actual toy – which I must admit on first inspection reminded me of the Death Star… in a good way. The Perlesque Selene Massager is all grey and the shape of a squashed sphere. It was immediately visually appealing to me. I have tiny hands and it fits perfectly in my palm – handy considering it’s a palm massager eh?

The massager has a nice weight to it, which indicates high quality and good manufacturing in my book. Touch-wise, it’s very smooth while being hard and clearly durable.

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As always, after inspecting the toy and rubbing it against my cheek (the best way to test how something feels!), I took out the instruction leaflet that came included in the box.

This, unfortunately, is totally useless. Oh it looks lovely, of course. But the information contained within is absolutely rubbish. It’s not a toy-specific leaflet, so folds out with a description of each toy in the Perlesque range. Therefore, 99 per cent of the info is completely irrelevant.

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Under the Selene heading, it simply reads: ‘The Selene is best used for external stimulation, with 6 settings controlled by the large control at the top of the product. Batteries can be easily inserted by pulling the top and bottom sections apart.’

Then it states there are 6 settings and that the toy requires 2x AAA batteries. Luckily, these are included. One thousand plus points for the Perlesque Selene Massager for that fact alone. Don’t you just hate it when you unbox a toy and want to get using it right away only to find it didn’t come with batteries? That is the actual worst.

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So, as instructed, I took the Perlesque Selene Massager in my palm and pushed the control at the top of the product. The control is great, it pushes downwards and into the main body of the toy which is a really smooth design point. After holding it down for about three seconds, the massager starts vibrating.

The first vibration setting is not a total disappointment like with most toys. I find they usually start off pretty small but the Selene’s lowest setting is quite strong. If you hold it around the edges, on the pointier sides then the vibrations are even stronger. I did quickly realise however, that when the Selene is flat in your palm the sensations are quite weak.

I played my way through the six settings – the first three are of increasing strength and the next three are vibe patterns. Kind of the bog standards but good nonetheless.

Just as I was getting ready to give it a go, I had a thought. ‘It says “palm massager”, I said to myself. “Does that mean I’m meant to actually massage myself/someone else with it? Or is it actually for external stimulation?”’

For any Selene or palm massager aficionados out there, this might seem like a really dumb question. But it dawned on me that it wasn’t remotely obvious what I was meant to be doing with it.

Not wanting to resort to an internet search, and telling myself I am a strong independent woman who should be able to work it out, I started playing with it.

It did feel nice held directly on my vulva, but it wasn’t anything mind-blowing really. While before I’d thought it was great that it fitted perfectly in my hand, when trying to move it around and over your clitoris the shape makes it a bit difficult to do that. And once it was targeting vibes directly to my clitoris, I found it didn’t feel that strong, even after holding it every possible which way.

Honestly, I gave up after that. I felt dejected. It had looked so beautiful and snazzy in the box and I kind of felt like an idiot for not knowing what to do with it.

For two weeks it lay unused on my bedside table. Pretty much every night I’d look at it and think how I really should use it so I could write this review. But I just didn’t have the motivation. Usually, with a new toy, I have to immediately rip it from its packaging and try it out. Unfortunately I didn’t feel that for the Perlesque Selene Massager.

Finally, I forced myself to give it another go. And this time I gave in and searched the Perlesque website for some kind of clue as to what to do with it. Although I must add that if it isn’t clear from the moment you open the box, then I think the company have failed.

The website didn’t give me many more answers to be honest. It said: ‘The Perlesque Selene Palm massager is one to take your time with, use it to tease and tantalise. Add to the couples experience and use the delicate vibes to massage and explore the body. It will build tension that will beg to be released.’

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I also learned a little bit more about the details of the product – it’s 9cm wide and 9cm long and is fully waterproof (why on earth it didn’t say that in the leaflet is beyond my realms of understanding). I also realised after reading the leaflet and the brand’s website that I still have zero clue as to what the product is made from. Body safe materials? No idea, sorry!

After reading their online description / instructions, I realised where I was going wrong. I was expecting it to be the kind of toy you could just use externally to bring you to orgasm like a bullet or clitoral vibrator. What the website was saying, was that it was meant to provide a slow build up to a release.

Frankly, I don’t have the time for that. I’m sure it’s lovely if you’ve got hours on end to spend rubbing a massager all over your body to ‘build tension’ but I cannot be bothered. Not all women want to have a long, sensual wank. Some just want to bash one out when they can and there is nothing wrong with that.

Despite hating on the concept, I tried again. Using lots of lube in the hope it would slide over my clitoris and labia easier, I turned it on.

It felt ok. That’s all I can say really. Promise, I did really try but even after working my way through the settings I wasn’t particularly turned on or feeling anything otherworldly.

After about 10 minutes – I hate to admit this – but I cast the Perlesque Selene Massager aside and reached for my go-to clitoral stimulator to finish the job.

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Maybe the Perlesque Selene Massager just isn’t right for my anatomy and situation. I’m sure if you are one of those amazing, luxury women who I am eternally jealous of, who spend a Friday night romancing themselves, drinking red wine and reading some erotic fiction in the bath, this would be a great accessory to that sexy evening.

Unfortunately for me, a woman who spends her Friday nights downing pints before heading home for a furious wank, it’s just not right.

Such a shame when it looks so bloody pretty.

4/10

– Beating Around The Bush


Thanks to Pleasure Panel reviewer Beating Around The Bush for this review of the Perlesque Selene Massager (£35 from perlesque.com)

This product was sent free of charge, in exchange for a fair and honest review by the Pleasure Panel, by perlesque.com. Thank you! 🙂

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