MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator Review

Price:
£139.00
Materials:
Silicone

MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator Review

By Cara Sutra

Having followed the progress of the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator from somewhat humble beginnings as sections of metal which buzz (as seen at Erofame 2015) I was eagerly anticipating trying out the finished product for myself. Although the original aesthetics, without silicone and fancy-schmancy buttons, were less than appealing on their own, it seemed like the MysteryVibe crowd really had something special in store with their flexible sex toy design.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator Review Bendable Sex Toy With App

Cut to January 2017 – quite a while since inception, as it must have taken some budget to exhibit at Europe’s largest trade event after all – and I have the finished product beside the bed. I’ve used it several times, and it’s been bent this way and that as I try out various positions for maximum sexual pleasure.

Packaging

A bit of info on the whole package before we delve into the feels; the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator is presented very smartly indeed. I’m impressed by how luxurious the packaging is, not just the outer box but continuing through to first impressions upon opening the box, with ribbons & storage bag & lovely little leaflets etc.

Inside The Box

The MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator is cleverly set into the space made for it and wrapped round the centre with a branded ribbon. It turns out this ribbon is attached to the included storage pouch – a nice touch. There’s also a small envelope containing the instruction leaflet & info cards, the charging dock and the USB/micro USB charging cable to use with the dock.

First Impressions

Everything seemed excellent so far – it was an impressive unboxing experience and I was looking forward to charging up the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator and finally getting to use this futuristic, highly anticipated sex toy. The Crescendo is covered with a velvety smooth silicone material and it’s easy to bend to whatever shape I wish. Fab.

Charging Up

The first annoyance I discovered about the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator is the way it charges. I’d thought that the charging dock was a great idea; simply put the Crescendo on the dock (while the dock is plugged into a USB port) and the vibrator charges up without the need for fiddling with a wire every time.

That’s the theory, but in practice it’s quite fiddly to get the toy in the exact position required to make sure it’s charging. Even then I wasn’t sure it actually was charging, and had to refer not only to the instruction leaflet but also their website several times.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator Review Bendable Sex Toy With App

The MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator seems a bit long for the charging dock, and there’s no indication on the dock or toy which way round you’re meant to place it. I don’t mean upside down, I mean which end is meant to dangle from which side of the dock. Eventually I managed it but I think charging the toy up should be a little easier/more intuitive than it is.

Operation & Functions

Once I had a fully charged MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator in my possession, I was ready to rumble. Or buzz. Either, as long as there’s enough power to get me off. Turning on the Crescendo is easy enough, just press and hold a button for a few seconds.

When it’s on, you then just use the + and – buttons to raise or lower intensity, and the < and > buttons on the other side of the toy are to discover different vibration settings. There seems to be several motors down the shaft of the Crescendo, so the patterns available are fascinating. If you like the Crescendo’s vibration style and you like your vibrating patterns, then you’ll probably love trying out everything available in this vibrator.

In addition there are more vibration patterns available to download to your MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator from the MysteryVibe App. More on that in a bit. There’s a memory chip built into the Crescendo which has a sizable 4GB storage space for extra/downloaded vibration patterns, which is pretty impressive.

Flexibility & Positions

I find it easy to bend the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator to whichever position I like. I can have a straight shaft vibrator, one with an angled tip, a gentle curve all the way down, a C shape or even an S if I’m feeling particularly… kinky.

Something I appreciate about the Crescendo and its flexibility is that I don’t have to press a certain button before I start to bend it (looking at you, Je Joue G-Kii). It’s great because I don’t have a heart attack thinking I’m about to break or actually breaking the toy every time I just pick it up and bend it.

As the G-Kii already offer a bendable vibrator to customers I don’t think the Crescendo have hit upon something innovative in that respect, although the amount of positions and bends available are certainly more generous than offered by the Je Joue toy. Which bendy toy works best for you is another matter entirely.

During Use

Leaving the MysteryVibe App until a later date (there’s only so much tech I can handle at once), I got down ‘n dirty with my MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator on its own for the first few times. If the vibration power + flexibility + sheer awesomeness could bring me to orgasm then that would be a fine enough start, never mind adding in the techy bonus of an app as well.

Trying the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator first without any lube, and later with the addition of some water based lubricant, my feelings about the toy went from elation to hope to disappointment and ultimately despair as smoothly as the vibrator bends from an l to an S.

It cannot give me an orgasm.

I’ve tried every which way with the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator, internal use (vaginal) whether straight, curved, G-spot angled tip, even the C shape to get more brutal G-spot and hopefully clitoral stimulation besides… and nothing. My body barely even registers the thing gently buzzing away.

The MysteryVibe website explains that there are a lot of increments of vibration intensity, 16 in fact, but I can’t feel that much difference beyond the first few. I’m pressing the intensity buttons, once I get on to a mode which resembles closest to constant vibration (my usual favourite – I’m not a patterns type woman) and it feels like low – medium – the highest you’re ever going to get, sorry. No, it doesn’t matter how many times you bash that button, she just cannae give any more, Cap’n.

Damn it.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Video

Can It Ever Give Me An Orgasm?

The only way I can orgasm with the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator is if I use a reliable (for me) sex toy clitorally with it. But then it’s that toy bringing me to orgasm – whether it’s the Doxy, the O-Wand, the Hummingbird or a simple bullet vibrator – not the Crescendo. It may as well not be there. It just gets in the way of my play.

So in reality: no, the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator cannot give me an orgasm. Therefore my recommendation of this toy as it stands is rather limited. I also don’t know what the sticky-up flaps are supposed to be for, other than stopping the Crescendo looking entirely like a skeleton’s finger.

The MysteryVibe App

After my disastrous experiences over the past couple of months with the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator, I wasn’t holding out much hope for the app to make it any better. I was expecting the app to be your typical sex toy app, simply a way to control the related vibrator in a hands-free fashion using the app on a smart phone as the remote control.

Instead, the MysteryVibe App seems to mainly be a library where you can download different types of vibration patterns and even playlists to your MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator. You can operate the Crescendo through the app but I personally find it quite fiddly, mainly as it’s the library of vibrations the app is for, rather than a control type app.

MysteryVibe App Video

Perhaps the app would offer an amazingly powerful, rumbly, constant vibration I’d absolutely love and everything would be forgiven. Along with the help of my geeky partner, I looked through the impressive library of vibrations offered on the app and we oohd and ahhd our way through the list. There’s a cute musical jingle from the app when you try a new one – not sure what that’s for really but there we are. Before I knew it I’d added a playlist to my Crescendo – I think – and downloaded a couple of other vibration patterns. Not sure how I did that or why, but they were on the vibe.

I don’t find the app very clear, but then I’m not an especially geeky person. I’m also not impressed when a toy tries to be all sciencey on my ass; I just want my sex toy to be able to bring me to orgasm and give me delicious pleasure along the journey there, thanks.

As it turns out I couldn’t find the powerful, rumbly, constant vibration of my dreams which would magically transform my far-too-gentle Crescendo into the orgasm-delivering toy I wanted. Very sad face; not that impressed.

Material & Specs

Size: 8.25 inches overall length, max 6 inches insertable and a maximum circumference of 3.75 inches (towards the base of the toy, before the flap things).

Material: Silicone coated

Power: Rechargeable via included dock & USB/micro USB cable

Waterproof? Yes

Brings me to orgasm? No 🙁

Summary

IF you don’t need a jack-hammer style vibrator and IF you really love a bucket-load of vibration patterns on your sex toy and IF you absolutely adore fiddling with a techy toy with its own vibration library app then you might love the MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator. It also bends loads; I think I’ve mentioned this.

Personally, I want a vibrator which is easy to understand, easy to charge, easy to use and which brings me to orgasm quickly or at least eventually due to the vibration strength and style. Unfortunately, the Crescendo is none of those things to me. It’s a real shame because it’s a fantastic attempt at a cutting-edge, technological sexual wonder with plenty of motors, vibration options, SD card wowness and the library app. If it could only bring me to orgasm then I’m sure it’d be great. But it never does and I doubt it ever will.

MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator Review Bendable Sex Toy With App

5/10 as a generous score. This is because other than the fact it can’t make me orgasm as it stands right now, I think it’s a great idea with lovely presentation, lots of great tech and potential (if a strong, rumbly, powerful constant vibration was available and the motors were capable of more).

Buy Links

The MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator is available from mysteryvibe.com for £139. There’s free worldwide delivery and it’s available in purple or blue as shown.

 

MysteryVibe Crescendo Vibrator Review Bendable Sex Toy With App

I have been remunerated for my time and efforts publishing this product review. However the remuneration does not in any way affect my opinions of the product. This review is a genuine reflection of my genuine feelings, opinions and experiences. This review does not contain affiliate links.

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