F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine / Fucking Machine Review by Cara Sutra

Price:
£550.00
Brand:
F-Machine
Shop:
MEO
Materials:
Metal, TPR

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine / Fucking Machine Review for MEO.de

Review by Cara Sutra – January 2016

After coveting sex machines for many years, and lusting after first this then that type, I was finally granted my dream early December 2015. I’m now the proud owner of the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine, a mains powered fucking machine from MEO.de.

Yes, MEO.de really sent me F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine free of charge, in exchange for a fair and honest review here at the Cara Sutra sex blog. How lucky am I? Very, I’m sure you’ll agree. Thank you MEO!

F-Machine-Gigolo-Sex-Machine-Review-Cara-Sutra-Home-Slider

Arrival, Packaging & What’s Included

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine arrived fast, safely and discreetly in a plain brown outer box without mention of the contents. Inside the main postal outer was the Gigolo’s box, black glossy sturdy board with blue minimal detailing of the product name and logo.

The machinery itself was safely and snugly (possibly too snugly thanks to a certain cable tie; see niggles below) nestled in shaped polystyrene sections filling the box. There’s an instruction booklet clearly showing how to put the machine together and how to work it once it’s assembled.

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

Never having owned a sex machine before I wasn’t quite sure what to expect with The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine. Oh I knew enough that sex machines pump hard and fast; every cock lover’s dream machine. Penetration that never gets tired, never slows with exertion – just constant fucking that gives and keeps on giving til you can’t take any more. What I wasn’t quite sure of was how they’re put together, how big they are, how they’re powered and then how they’re controlled during use.

As it happens The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine simply plugs in once assembled, then you flick the power switch on and control the motion (speed and therefore force of the penetration) with the included wireless radio remote control.

The remote control

The radio transmitter on the remote control means that the remote doesn’t have to be in sight of any LED; so when I’m on my back or front enjoying the auto fuckery I don’t have to worry about angling the remote the right way to get it to slow down or speed up. I can just keep the remote nearby (or in my hand, as long as I don’t get over excited and crush the thing) and press the buttons without even looking.

There aren’t that many buttons to remember; slide the slider from off to on, then use ||> to activate or deactivate motion and + and to increase or decease speed of the thrust). Take care with the remote, the slider part wasn’t attached too well on mine and sometimes falls off (see niggles, below). Also, the speed of thrust at the moment you press the deactivate button will be the speed it starts up again when you reactivate the motion. That was a bit of a shocking experience. 😉

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine Components

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

As for size, well there’s three main ‘parts’ of The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine once you’ve screwed your bolts and tightened your nuts from the initial set up. As it were.

  1. The ‘stand’, ie the feet/legs and upwardly pointing pole that the machine is slid on to
  2. The ‘engine’, ie the main motion part of the machine which contains the circuitry, tightening vice to the stand’s pole and a transparent window with the Gigolo logo so you can see the circular motion in use
  3. The ‘fucking stick’, ie the in-and-out pole you screw into the front of the ‘engine’, which is topped with a screw on vac u lock style plug and then on to that you pop your choice of compatible dildo. Nice.

These are the three parts I separate my The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine into when I want to store it, which wouldn’t be too often as it happens if I didn’t have kids and a cleaner. I’d just leave it set up for use all the time if I were able. But there we go, we don’t all live in a house where we can have a sex dungeon ready for use 100% of the time, more’s the pity.

Setting Up

In truly rubbish girl style I got the man to do the DIY part, but in my defence this was mostly because I knew he’d figure out the instructions and then put it together much quicker than I could. Hey, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. As I thought, in no time at all a beautiful sex machine stood (sat? Lounged?) before me. I had to take some quick pics during setup so you could get a ‘real feel’ of the assembly stage.

So I’ve covered the machine itself, before use of course, what else… Ah yes of course.

The Can Of Dong

The Can Of Dong™ is quite literally a can which arrived with F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine, and it’s truly a mystery what might be inside. If you’re looking for the world’s most super discreet dildo storage container, you might just have found it.

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

I jest, of course. I just found it too funny.

This pic is going to be sent to anyone who gets on my tits in future. I’ve totally moved on from the can of whoop-ass: “Don’t make me open the Can Of Dong!”

I was disappointed to see a warning label on the bottom of the can, because of the dildo material. At the same time, I guess, it’s good that the manufacturer was open enough about the facts.

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

  • Use a condom for hygiene purposes
  • Clean with mild soap and water
  • Water based lubricants only
  • Dong material: TPR.

My heart really sank with that last one. F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine, £500 worth, and they couldn’t include a silicone dildo?!

TPR is porous for a start, making it a less-than-fabulous dildo material choice (hence the condom advice) but more that that; it simply doesn’t last as long as it’s body safe, non porous and smoother material counterparts. So many old TPR and TPE and jelly dildos I had in the past (when I didn’t know better) ended up semi melted in storage or visibly unhygienic or with deep rivulets where the material had split. Not good.

I know, I know, I can just grab a silicone vac u lock plug compatible dildo and use that instead – but the fact is, if you’re paying out over £500 for a sex machine, you shouldn’t have to. It should come with an all bells and whistles dildo. It’s going to be mains powered fucking so I’d always prefer a flexible material – the body safe non porous flexible material of choice is silicone. Please consider making this change, F-Machine.

How Hard & Fast Can It Go?

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

Before hopping aboard the ‘Dream Fuck Machine’ I took a mini vid of the thrust motion to give you an idea of the range of speeds. It’s bouncy on high because I wasn’t on the  end of it; it’s not bouncy when it’s thrusting into an actual person.

Here’s a longer video of the speeds

What It’s Like During Use

F-Machine-Gigolo-Sex-Machine-Review-by-Cara-Sutra-InstaI was finally ready to give the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine a try. So exciting! I put the lights down low, had my glass of wine on the side and an array of Sliquid for comfort. Doxy and other clit vibes within reach, because I’m greedy. I didn’t know if I was testing the fuck machine or seducing it.

Four things to remember when you’re getting the fuck machine going, you have to:

  1. Make sure all components of the machine are sturdily connected, the central rod and engine are tightened, and the thrusting rod is tightened using the included long Allen key through the side of the engine area
  2. Have the lead connected (to the socket, to the machine and to itself, it’s in two halves like a laptop lead)
  3. Make sure the on/off switch on the fuck machine itself it switched to on
  4. Make sure you have the remote control in hand and you know what button does what.

(Hopefully) obviously you’ll have popped your compatible dildo on the end of the rod, and plenty of lube within reach and your choice of additional stim if you want/need.

As the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine isn’t overly cumbersome or heavy (for a mains powered fucking machine) it’s pretty easy to angle both yourself and it so it’s the right distance away from your fuck hole of choice, and the angle of the thrusting rod. It needed to be closer to me than I’d anticipated and when on my back the rod was angled pretty sharply downwards but on all fours / doggy style it was pretty much horizontal.

How It Feels

The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine feels… Amazing. You know when they say ooh, they/he was fucking me like a machine…? Yeah, that.

Not only is the thrusting constant at the speed and depth of your choice, with the dildo of your choice (as long as it’s vac u lock compatible), there’s nothing else to worry about other than getting fucked as hard and as fast as you like.

There’s no, “oh I hope they’re enjoying it/hope I’m a good fuck/hope my butt isn’t jiggling too unattractively/are my boobs sexy or resembling failed soufflés in my armpits again”… It’s a machine. It doesn’t care. You don’t care either, when getting fucked by it.

I don’t give a shit if it ever did think my butt looked big or I was selfish in bed. It gets plugged in and it gets shoved in and it fuck, fuck, fucks away. It can shut up and like it.

Using The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine: Video

Over the past month or so I’ve become properly addicted to the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine. Not in a worrying way, in a why yes I love my fuck machine and I want it to live next to the bed always ready for use way.

In case you were wondering if I like the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine, the answer is fuck, yes.

Niggles

Now.  I do have a few niggles with the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine, which don’t put me off it but which I should really mention in the interests of a fair review.

It was difficult to retrieve from box.

The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine was almost locked into the box (via a ridiculously tight cable tie in one part) and I slightly damaged the surface retrieving it, having to cut through the tie with a knife – couldn’t even get scissors under the plastic or anywhere near.

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

It doesn’t affect the use of the machine and I don’t mind too much, however I’d be annoyed if this happened after I’d spent so much hard-earned money on it.

It gets noisy.

The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine gets loud (mind you, so do I when using it). Not on the slow speeds, but if you whack it up to mid then right up to WOW levels then it’s probably best if you’re in the house alone at the time. Or have your room soundproofed.

If I loved the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine merely on ‘slow lazy fuck’ level then this’d be a moot point, but as a Doxy fan it’s got to be hard and fast or nothing doing. Because of this, the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine has taken me longer to review because with a family household including a toddler and mother in law it’s been a rare occasion I can go for my fuck machine joy ride without the bad kind of red face afterwards.

Please level-up the remote.

The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine remote control could be better quality, so the slider doesn’t fall off the front. I love that it’s radio rather than eye-line LED, but I don’t want to have to scrabble round the floor or duvet for the slider part because it falls off every. damn. time.

Body-safe, non-porous dildo please?

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

Please include a body safe compatible dildo in future releases of the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine, not this porous TPR ‘dong’ which needs to come in a can with a warning label. Also, some lube might be nice.

Keep a bucket of lube nearby.

Speaking of lube, I need a LOT when using this F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine. It’s all the friction from the intense fucking – my body and natural lube can’t keep up with it. I didn’t want to use silicone lube – it’s so not my fave kind of lube – and using water based led to rapid evaporation. I need a large bottle of Sliquid H2O in easy reach when joyriding the fuck machine.

Consider converting the cellar into a sex machine room.

The F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine is not the easiest thing in the world to store discreetly, unless you fancy taking it all down to the basic elements each time (ie. unscrewing the legs and all).

When broken down into the main four components mentioned earlier, you’re left with the legs and central pole which won’t fit under my bed/in the wardrobe/back in the box.

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

On the other hand if I hide the engine casing area under the bed I could get away with pretending the legs/stand belongs to some mystery piece of exercise equipment. It wouldn’t strictly be a lie, right?

Is the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine worth the money?

So is the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine worth the price? I think that rather depends on you rather than the machine.

F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine review by Cara Sutra

Doxy Massager not included – sorry!

If you’re single or in a relationship and living in a place where you don’t have to worry about kids/relatives/housemates overhearing your frenetic fuckery, then it will probably be great for you on a noise level.

Same goes for if you either have somewhere you can store the equipment discreetly (say in a room away from visitors) or you simply don’t mind assembling each time. Or, just leaving it assembled of course, if you’re able/happy to.

I must confess I take my F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine down to basics and put it away when the cleaner comes round; I don’t think she’s ever properly recovered from the poo dildo and duvet prank.

I probably wouldn’t recommend the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine if you:

  • Share a small or easy sound carrying house with kids, relatives, other people who aren’t a part of your sex life (and don’t want to be)
  • Don’t like to leave sex equipment around in any form in your bedroom but don’t have anywhere else to store it
  • Have an overly delicate bottom or vagina – this thing is going to fuck you and although there’s a slow setting it’s a machine and it basically thrusts a (probably larger than life) dildo in and out of your chosen orifice
  • Have limited mobility – I did need to adjust position and if you do hit the wrong button in all the excitement you might want to move back a bit, or move the machine closer with your feet/heels

I would definitely recommend the F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine if you:

  • Want a powerful sex machine capable of fucking you intensely until you can’t take any more pleasurable stimulation
  • Don’t care how loud the action gets during said fuckery – either from the machine or from you
  • Are happy to proudly display your lovely fuck machine in all its glory in the bedroom at all times (or in the middle of the lounge, whatever you’re into)
  • Want oh my fuck yes satisfying orgasms from an actual sex machine. What a way to shut down those Tinder chat up lines.

Before you check out

I’d also advise that you stick a body safe non porous (such as silicone) vac u lock compatible dildo in the basket at the same time as buying this (MEO, do you have any silicone material Vac U Lock dildos?), as well as an extra large bottle of water based lube or toy friendly hybrid lube.

On a related note, I wish there was a service which converts dildos into Vac U Lock compatible dildos. It’s been difficult to find any silicone Vac U Lock style dildos available to purchase within the UK. And if you don’t want realistic types, then it’s all the worse. Please, somebody offer this service before I take a power drill to the bottom of my Tantus dildos collection.

Buy Links

You can buy your F-Machine Gigolo Sex Machine here at MEO.de for €698, which at today’s rates converts to approximately £550. There are also delivery charges but postage is fast, safe and discreet.

I’d like to say a huge and hearty thanks to MEO.de for sending this fucking machine to me free of charge in exchange for this fair and honest review. The F-Machine Gigolo is my very first sex machine and hopefully it won’t be my last… I am sure I can persuade my partner to convert the loft into a sex machine room…

 

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