I would like to see the guilt of an entire group of people not used any more. Not taken advantage of. It's manipulative, it's emotionally blackmailing, it's controlling and it's definitely not positive.
Working in the sex industry, I've recently heard the term orgasm gap a number of times in blog posts, on social media and in press emails to me. What is this orgasm gap? Why is the spotlight on it now? And why do I believe there are dangers associated with it?
‘Man up’ assumes that anything relating to femininity is automatically weaker. It is telling someone to become better, become stronger, to become more like a man. It uses masculinity as a measure of strength, not only physically, but in any and every area of life. It assumes that the only way a person will be successful in any particular regard or reach their goals is by adopting stereotypical male attitudes and qualities.
As a woman, I'm regularly dictated to about how I should look. The media tells me I shouldn't be bigger than a size 10, that I should have large breasts but somehow maintain a narrow waist, that my arse should be high and firm, small and round, and I should be the correct amount of tanned at all times.
By Cara Sutra: I mean if porn DVDs are being produced which are expressing an enjoyable and liberated view of sexuality, then there should be no problem having Video on Demand following the same guidelines. This has become known as the UK porn ban.
If a woman were telling you her rape story (and how sad it is that this is a common event, so common that I can phrase it as ‘her rape story’ as if all women must have one somewhere) would you respond with an angry, “well I’m not a rapist! How dare you share that story with me as if you’re blaming me for it!” No, I doubt you would. If you did, you’d be an asshole. Somehow though, from behind the chosen anonymity or at least semi-privacy of a keyboard, screen and internet, this type of response was deemed absolutely fine. Encouraged. As if all women were attacking all men, not sharing their utter and sheer sadness that even one man in the world acted horribly towards a woman and made her feel afraid for her mind, body or life.
Been Friendzoned? Why You Need To Ditch The Friendzone Myth Heard of the friendzone? Perhaps you've been friendzoned, or friendzoned someone else. I've most heard the term amongst men, but a few women have referred to it as...
A disgusting sex practice has come to my attention in the past few days – and I’m not talking about whatever you can find in so-called weird porn. No, I mean properly disgusting. The practice known as stealthing. I’m so angry I can barely type.
After asking today what I should blog about next, the first part of this blog post's title came about, for some mysterious reason. Well yes it might seem I've been on a bit of a world domination spree lately. Ok, not just lately I admit, it's in my blood, my nature, my character. I wasn't always this way. I used to be a doormat when I was younger, but times change us and any knocks or bad experiences just callous the heart and make us harder. I have had my share of those, more than my fair share, in fact.
By Cara Sutra: I believe we all know people that we genuinely like – but wow, their social media updates really push our buttons. I know I do. And if you’re thinking it’s you, it’s probably not you. I’m talking about people who seem to spend the majority of their time venting on social media. It doesn’t seem to matter if it’s Twitter, Facebook or any other social media (does anyone even bother putting text updates on any other social media platform?) – their feed is just vent after wail after whinge after whine.
Working in the adult industry I see my fair share of explicit photos. Dick pics: amateur and porn star. Naked breasts: pendulous to Parisienne. Spread vulva: hairless to hirsute. I follow blogs and social media where imagery from artistic nudes to hardcore porn are welcomed, celebrated and shared. So why do some explicit photos anger me so much? Well sometimes, explicit photos are a breach of consent.
By Cara Sutra: A few articles I have read recently about lesbian sex have ignited a bit of fire in me; for a start they tend to read like they were written by either men who get their lesbian sex facts from porn, or by bi-curious fantasists who write purely from the point of view of someone who cannot see outside the blinkers of a sex life involving a penis. Today I'm talking lesbian sex myths - the 10 biggest girl on girl sex myths that you'll probably recognise.
By Cara Sutra: Shocked. Devastated. Emotionally drained. Physically wiped-out. Like many other people, I’m feeling the effects of a particularly grim year. We’ve lost so many creative, courageous and inspiring people from the world of media and the arts. The world barely has time to move on from one catastrophic happening before another tragedy, natural or man-made, strikes, bringing death but also terror and fear-inspired divisions among those left alive.
By Cara Sutra: Cancer has not only affected my own close family, but also the lives of many friends. It’s an evil beast – completely dispassionate and non-discriminatory about who it strikes, when, and how. Cancer awareness months seem, on the face of it, a great idea. I feel they have a limited benefit though. Unless you also donate.
‘Whore’ has become a name used during sex. It’s a term of endearment to me, of affection from my partner. The same as ‘slut’. I don’t see these words as insulting when he uses them to me, to say in the heat of our private moments that I am the stereotypical streetwalking hussy that’s only having sex with him because I want to get paid for it. I can’t lie and say that if we were roleplaying and he slapped down £20 on the bedside table and told me to ‘suck his cock like a good little whore’ that I would get offended, that I wouldn’t be turned on. Because I would. Does that make me wrong, prejudiced, not sex-positive? I don’t think so.
But apparently men have resented this day of love and romance. For now, on March 14th, there has come about Steak and Blow Job Day. I mean, really? That's what men want, is it? Recognition for being SO lovely on Valentine's Day, for deigning to even think in terms of romance, for valuing their relationship for a WHOLE day, that the month after, they need a steak dinner and a suck off session to recover?
When I receive a cock shot in my inbox, I feel none of the sensations and emotions that the above mental imagery conjures up. I see, quite patently and very boringly, penis. Oh look, it’s a penis. Thanks. There's absolutely zero sensation or stimulation whether in my brain, throat, nipples, clit or deep inside my pussy. Nothing. A mild sense of irritation that my time has been wasted opening this message, and perhaps a deeper sense of disappointment if said penis-pic has come from a contact I expected more from than to send me cock shots as some failed attempt at getting my attention and summoning arousal. I toss the email, with disdain, into the trash bin. These days, I don’t even reply to the contact with surprise, anger, or upset. I simply cut all ties.
By Cara Sutra: Inexplicably, when you’re freelance/run your own business/work from home/work in a creative niche such as professional blogging, copywriting or marketing, some businesses feel that paying you for your work is just an option, not a requirement. Requesting payment for skilled creative work such as marketing and copywriting can give rise to attitudes anywhere from surprise and reluctance, to offence and flat refusal.
So, The Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Free Eyemask Is Totally Crap A Stampy Pants Rant by Cara Sutra I have no idea why Pipedream Products go on about giving away a free eyemask so much on the packaging...