How To Have Great Sex With Your Partner Despite A Politics Clash
With the United Kingdom General Election 2017 fast approaching, tensions are high – particularly if you and your partner support different political parties. Very recently, I received a Facebook message from one of my followers regarding a relationship-based politics clash. She was very distressed about her new partner who is an ardent Conservative supporter, whilst she’s a devout follower of Corbyn’s Labour. One of the concerns she addressed was whether different personal politics could cause a clash between the sheets, in addition to their everyday ideals?
This got me thinking: is there a correlation between political values and personality traits? If there is, what does a political preference say about our bedroom partners?
I decided to investigate.
What happens when your politics clash in the bedroom?
If your lover votes Conservative…
Tory voters often lack humour and are not the most adventurous of lovers, instead preferring a strong and stable approach to lovemaking. Disdainful of the needs of others, your Tory lover will have a selfish attitude in the bedroom and will not reciprocate during oral sex. Should you be invited to dine out, do not invite your primary school age children along for the treat, as Tories do not believe that these children should eat for free. Whilst out shopping for lingerie or sex toys with your Tory lover, expect to pick up hordes of freebies at the expense of the tax payer. Seriously, nothing is off limits! Shop till you drop… but ensure that you don’t do any lasting damage as you will STILL be deemed fit to work, but unable to access the standard of care required for your injuries.
Threesomes are out of the question, unless fuelled by cocaine and whores. Tory lovers do not approve of bringing more people into the bedroom, much preferring to cap the number of people instead. Out of the bedroom, your Tory lover will ignore important issues for working families to pursue fun activities such as chasing defenceless animals and watching as they are torn limb from limb. Spiffing fun!
Spice up sex with your Tory lover by acquiring a pig’s head and watching as they perform sex acts on the carcass– this will be met with a roar of approval.
If your lover votes Labour
Labour lovers are very disagreeable and make a shambolic lover. Rather than joining together to enjoy a fulfilling and united sex life, your Labour lover will complain bitterly about ‘poor leadership’ and put the needs of everyone, including the kitchen sink before themselves. Numbers are not a strong point for the Labour lover and therefore, be VERY CLEAR when requesting a 69 as you may end up with something very different – and oddly peculiar. When approaching your Labour lover, do not make flattering comments about their erect ‘trident missile’ as this will not be met with approval.
Always be wary when experimenting with food during sex with your labour lover. Egg play in particular has been known to land a mischievous thrower with a swift right hook to the chin. Labour lovers are adept at finding the right time to ‘bury bad news’ so if you accidentally infect them with genital warts or herpes, they won’t mind you waiting for an earthquake or perhaps an alien invasion to relay this information to them.
Spice up sex with your Labour lover by playing songs from the 70’s and watching reruns of Happy Days. Labour lovers are desperate to return to this era.
If your lover votes for the Liberal Democrats
A magnet for sexual scandal, Liberal Democrat lovers are a mystery both in and out of the bedroom. Despite declaring themselves a ‘straight choice’, don’t be surprised to find your Liberal lover sneaking off for meetings with the local rent boy, or important meetings with a ‘secretary’. If you’re the lover of a Liberal Democrat expect to be called upon in times of crisis, and ensure that you always maintain clean driving licence. After all, you never know when you’ll be needed to accept a few cheeky speeding points on their behalf. The great thing about Liberal lovers are that they are happy for lovers to change their mind. If you aren’t happy with your first decision, they will hold a second vote so that you can have your FINAL say. Winner!
Spice up sex with your Liberal Democrat lover by allowing them to get into bed and be dominated by a member of the Conservative Party. Gag them, bind them and let them think that they have power, but don’t spoil the fun by telling them that it’s all just a cruel joke.
If your lover votes for UKIP
Spice up sex with your UKIP lover by dumping them immediately and finding someone else to have sex with.
– Mel MacFarlane
About The Writer
Mel MacFarlane is an experienced adult industry copywriter, product reviewer and business consultant. You can find her at her own leading sexuality magazine, Voluptasse. You can also follow Mel’s work on Twitter and Facebook.
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