How To Arrange A Play-Date With Your Sex-Creature
By Galen Fous
Are you aware that wild sex-creatures of every stripe may secretly romp and frolic within your partner’s sexual psyche while they have sex with you. What began as pleasantly passionate love-making, may have suddenly felt like you were being ravaged and devoured by a powerful beast. You might have had the thought – “Wow, who was that!” Of course, your own secret sex-creature may have been as ecstatically engaged as your partners!
Put simply what I refer to as your sex-creature is your innate sexual persona, distinct from your everyday social persona. It comes alive during sexual arousal.
Do you know who your partner’s sex creature is…or your own? What if they could negotiate a play-date! How do you know if you even have a sex creature?
Letting Your Sex Creature Out To Play
To discover more about your partner’s or your own sex-creature, you may have to venture into the taboo, forbidden Erotic wilderness of the subconscious sexual psyche. In the sexually repressed culture we are immersed in, these more perverse and primitive parts of our sexual desire are often kept hidden and secret, even from ourselves.
In truth, most people have a complex authentic sexual persona as distinct as a fingerprint, and as inherent as their eye color. Many may not consciously acknowledge it, but it can still operate below the surface. This complexity includes primal, emotional, physical and mythic archetypal dimensions of the sexual persona that blend together in the human sexual experience.
There can be light aspects and shadow aspects, the parts we show and the parts we hide. There can be tender, sweet aspects and primitive, wild, instinctual aspects.
These archetypal sexual personas, or sex creatures as I sometimes call them, are distinct and independent from our outer social personas. They are typical and prevalent in the emerging Kink or D/s-BDSM sexual orientations, where mythic sexual storylines, symbols and archetypal figures abound.
In my experience working with hundreds of clients seeking sexual wholeness, they often revealed that their inner Erotic stories, and the particular sexual personas involved, were only glimpsed in those brief ecstatic moments right before the frenzied liberation of orgasm.
In those last few moments before climax the rich truth of our authentic desire or sex-creature, no matter how well restrained, can no longer be held back. It bursts forth through layers of protective resistance that have kept it hidden, and animates the body in wild, fierce gestures. It explodes from the voice in a truncated blasphemy such as, “oh god, fuck me, YES! please, harder, deeper”…or “take it, slut, whore, bitch,” and/or less decipherable, primitive grunts and screams. This is just a climactic sound byte from the full story, and a deeper dialogue being expressed internally.
In vanilla sex, these last moments before orgasm are like unlocking a highly compacted zip file of what I call your Personal Erotic Myth. In that moment, the story is being played out in the subconscious sexual psyche somewhat like the super speedy talk of the guy reading the disclaimers at the end of those pharmaceutical commercials. Only way faster! It is barely decipherable.
If you were able to slow those last moments before orgasm way down, and observe what is really going on, you might get a glimpse of the mythic story that drives you to orgasm, or other deep erotic state. Within that packed and condensed zip file there may be a rich, compelling tale unfolding. It is a story generated and played out deep within your Erotic psyche when you have sex.
Have You Met Your Partner’s Sex-Creature?
Like any story, there is prologue, setting, props, attire, lead characters, dialogue, body language, and action. There are mythic, archetypal personas taking part in the story. This may be who you or your partner were screaming for, “oh god, fuck me, YES! please, harder, deeper”…or “take it, slut, whore, bitch,” right before orgasm.
Each counterpart persona and your own represents a dyad drawn from a pantheon of pairs in the collective Erotic archives.
Examples of these embedded sexual archetypes can be dominant/submissive, master/slave, beast/beauty, supreme bitch/cuckold, teacher/student, bad boy or girl/good boy or girl, rapist/victim, teacher/student, mommy-daddy/son-daughter, older man-woman/younger man-woman to name just a few.
There are hundreds of variations. Someone may have a single major theme, or may be able to shift into a variety of these pairings. Often, an overriding sense of alpha/beta Dominance and submission is at play and in its more primitive forms, predator/prey.
All and any of these expressions of our Eros can be valid and authentic. Does everyone have a mythic, archetypal sex-creature? Maybe not. But those that do are far more prevalent within the sexual landscape than many want to believe. For those so inclined, it is simply their personal sexual baseline. It is their normal!
Finding safe ways to reveal and express these sexual personas with your sexual or committed partners in conscious and consensual ways can be powerful, healing, and ecstatically fulfilling.
A hallmark of practicing conscious engagement of your sexuality is that there be nothing involved that would be ultimately harmful or non-consensual in your engagement with partners.
Being consciously sexual means to encourage whatever is true and authentic in the realm of your and your partner’s fantasies. It means to express and explore those fantasies with as little inhibiting judgment, shame, or fear as possible.
Clearly negotiated consent, boundaries and other conscious practices can support the expression of any sexual desire, no matter how taboo, or how wild your or your partner’s sex-creatures may be.
– Galen Fous
About the author:
Galen Fous MTP is a sex-positive transpersonal psychologist, therapist and educator helping individuals and couples get honest, shame-free and empowered around their authentic sexuality. He sees clients via Skype or in person in Portland, OR. For info or to arrange an initial appointment go to GalenFous.com. He is the author of the highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink – Guide to Explore, Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. His innovative, free, research survey, Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth, with over 2400 participants so far, helps people consider and embrace the depths of their own erotic nature, and contributes to Fous’s sex-research mapping the Erotic psyche. Take the survey here. He is also the creator of the Tetruss 3 in 1 Portable Dungeon, Suspension Bondage Rig and Sex Swing, sold the world over since 2000.
Images displayed in this article used with kind permission of the owner Galen Fous. Use or distribution of these images or any other parts of this article including the text will be viewed as a breach of copyright and dealt with accordingly.