Kink is a drug, and I’m chasing a higher high
By Cara Sutra
There have been so many suddenly shocked faces during my conversations over the past few years that I’m thinking perhaps I’m getting a bit immune to the typically taboo realm of kink and fetish. That moment when you realise everyone at the surrounding tables in a restaurant have fallen quiet as you’re openly discussing anal reaming, or the change in atmosphere as you joke about funnel gags with your dentist. You know what I mean. Right?
I usually see my everyday attitude towards kink as a good thing, a positive thing; being open about every aspect of adult fulfilment without shame or prejudice. I still think that overall, it’s better to be positive about all areas of the adult sexuality spectrum – but there is one small worry. When you don’t see taboo as taboo any more, does it still hold the same amount of appeal? After all, the allure of a place or activity that’s off-limits, out of bounds, even forbidden, is well documented. The door you mustn’t enter. The button you mustn’t press. The delicious looking fruit you shouldn’t eat, no matter how much the snake tells you to.
When kink is part of your everyday life, what do you do to achieve a more intense level of adult and/or sexual satisfaction?
That’s the question I’ve posed to myself recently, and it’s an interesting one to consider. Some fetishes will always be off the menu for me, because they’re just not my cup of tea. I am not personally ‘into’ scat, adult baby/diaper/nappy fetish, racial-based D/s, nipple torture or CMNF – but I can discuss them openly and at length with pretty much anyone who wants to chat on those topics. Your kink is not my kink (YKINMK) but they’re kinks, consensual and for those ‘into’ them, fun – so they’re a welcome part of the BDSM world. I don’t see these kinks I’m not into as being the next step or a step-up in my personal adult fulfilment/sex life because at this point I know myself, what presses my buttons and what turns me on. Although I might discover new kinks which then become included in my sex life, the ones I’ve mentioned are on the ‘nope, not ever going to be for me’ list.
So that leaves me with the kinks I am into – and if you read my blog regularly you’ll know there’s quite a few of them. To me they seem like they’re all part of one big kink – the kink of being Cara, lol – but to onlookers they perhaps seem a bit more varied. Just because you’re into ageplay doesn’t mean you’re necessarily into rapeplay, and just because you love forced orgasms it doesn’t mean you enjoy a bit of fisting now and then. Er, unless you’re me. And that’s without getting into the whole oh actually I’m a Dominant woman in my identity but that’s the D/s fulfilment part of my life not my romantic sex life and no I’m not a switch thing.
All of the above just makes up me as a person and of course to my own mind the kinks I’m into aren’t particularly outrageous, taboo or sensational. It’s only the reactions from others which make me realise that perhaps the way I choose to get my kicks either through adult consensual fun or in my sex life with my partner aren’t exactly run of the mill. It might be because the couple at the next table in the café are torn between staying to listen to the rest of the conversation on kink and fleeing the place forever, or it might be those times when even some articles and erotica I write here at my sex blog are seen as controversial to the audience and evoke strong reactions.
I’m genuinely not writing all this to elicit any admiration of how kinky I might be or how interesting my sex life is. For one thing, I’m well aware (thanks to regular tweets, comments and emails) that the way I choose to get my kicks doesn’t suit everyone and is often seen as weird, disgusting or just plain wrong. I’ve reached a point in my life where I honestly don’t care if you agree with my kinks and sex life, as long as the person I’m with and who is involved agrees with it and consents and enjoys, then your opinions on the matter are entirely moot.
The reason I’m writing my thoughts about kink becoming normality rather than taboo is to debate just how that fact affects how I enjoy the kink in my life and how I can go about rediscovering the buzz of something taboo. One of the important things about enjoying kink and power exchange – to me – is the fact that it’s generally an underground thing, seen in and by the mainstream as deviant, perverted, abnormal and wrong. Ironically, the critical and negative comments I receive about my personal kinks and sex life go some way to redress the balance here – I mean you can’t get much more taboo than enjoying kinks that even some within the BDSM scene disapprove of. Thanks for that, folks.
That said, viewing the entirety of kink and fetishes as a subject matter which can be discussed in purely adult company as easily as the weather and what’s for tea does tend to remove the taboo and forbidden feel of it. I’m chasing a higher high where kink is my drug of choice. I’ve even tried to ‘go vanilla’ but I find absolutely vanilla sex impossible. It’s all going well until my head’s pushed into the pillow and I’m shouting, ‘no Daddy, please no’ and he’s telling me I’m Daddy’s naughty little girl and he’s going to take me any way he wants whether I like it or not. Oops, we did it again.
How do I regain that breathtakingly exciting taboo feel of kink in my adult fun and sex life? I’m not quite sure. My mind turns towards play with my partner at BDSM clubs and events but for me, female submission is a personal affair and something I only indulge in with him, in the privacy of our bedroom and purely for sex – not spectacle (unless I’m cucking, obvs). I’m not into humiliation fetish, so playing in public isn’t something I’d do with my partner as far as my bedroom kinks are concerned – no matter what fantasies I have. Dominating submissive guys in private sessions is something I really enjoy – as well as the few public outings I’ve visited in recent years. I’d like to have more of a public aspect to my FemDom life, but there’s my family to consider in this as well.
Achieving a higher high from kink in the future is definitely a complex situation for me, but it’s fascinating to consider all the options. I’m going to discuss it with my partner and if we work out a fun way forwards, I’ll be sure to let you all know.
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