Is There An Ageplay Element To Spanking?
By Cara Sutra
It seems strange to me that there hasn’t been a connection made between corporal punishment and ageplay before. After a particularly hot session with my partner recently, it suddenly struck me. What’s your first response? Is there any connection between ageplay and spanking?
I guess this is a controversial idea if some of the reactions to ageplay I’ve encountered are anything to go by.
Spanking tends to have a universal appeal, even amongst those who are vanilla. Spanking is a great British tradition for a start; from saucy seaside postcards to pop culture references dating back through the decades, we Brits do love a bit of OTK (over the knee) spanking action. Even Hollywood has used the raw and passionate allure of spanking to sell their movies in the mainstream. ‘Hot’ spanking scenes in films such as Secretary, and more recently the Fifty Shades Of Grey movie, have led to a bit of a cult following for spanking as part of foreplay and couples’ sex. At least, where the spanker is male and the spankee is female. It seems to me that anything else (such as Female Dominance) is still generally viewed as ‘rather odd’ by the mainstream.
Ageplay, on the other hand, doesn’t get quite as positive a reaction as a sexy guy pulling a hot woman over his knee, pulling down her knickers and spanking her arse red before fucking her to oblivion. It’s difficult for people who don’t have the fetish to understand that ageplay isn’t actually about age, it’s about the wanted roleplay of innocence being corrupted in the adult, exposed vulnerabilities and the submissive being cared for in a completely different way by the Dom than in other D/s partnerships. Both people are of adult age, know they’re of adult age, and consent to and enjoy exploring this ageplay fetish together.
Sadly, ageplay is not a fetish which is easily understood or accepted by society, so those involved suffer criticism and even abuse if their interest in ageplay is ever revealed. I’ve personally (because of my own interest in the ageplay fetish) experienced everything from mild criticisms to full on attacks and accusations of supporting child abuse from people. This includes some who are part of the BDSM scene, where the tenets of YKINMK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink) are meant to be universally understood, accepted and valued.
As you can see, the attitudes towards spanking and ageplay tend to be very different. But what is spanking about, really? Isn’t spanking a punishment for being ‘naughty’? Why would you be seen as ‘naughty’ when you’re an adult? And why would it look and feel sexy to get corporal punishment for being naughty, by being spanked on the arse for it?
I believe that at some level, whether conscious or subconscious, people who are lovers of spanking have made a connection to their innocent, vulnerable, inner selves. The inner selves which learned about the world in childhood. As a child, you are well-behaved or you’re naughty, and you are taught this by those in charge, in control, around you. Responsible adults such as parents and teachers.
There have been times in years gone by when misbehaviour was punished in a physical way, through corporal punishment of children. This might have been done by a spanking on the arse with hand, slipper or even belt from a parent (the stereotypical image of a father going up stairs taking off his belt to spank a child’s bottom for being naughty has basis in reality). In our schools, children were punished in times past for their bad behaviour with either a ruler rapped on their knuckles, or a cane over the palms of their hands. In serious cases, children could be sent to the headmaster (or headmistress) to receive the cane on their bottom because of their conduct, in the hope this physical punishment would stop any repeat performance.
Times have changed and school officials in Britain can no longer hit our children (thank goodness). More and more parents are seeing that physical discipline of their children through spanking doesn’t lead to better behaviour. It can, however, lead to raising children who live in fear and dread of upsetting their parents in case they get hit, and/or children who think that problems can be solved by violence. I don’t spank my children but I was spanked/belted as a child by my father, and it’s a horrible experience to go through as you’re growing up, especially from the main adult figures you should be able to trust.
I hope we can all agree that hitting children is a disgusting practice.
Having said that, the fact that (particularly here in Britain) corporal punishment is a very big part of our history – through past generations of parents and teachers in our schools – means that spanking has found a way into adult Britons’ subconscious. Unlike when we were children, as adults we can take back the control we certainly didn’t have when we were spanked by parents or caned by teachers. We can pervert the scenario and instead, choose to sexualise the act of spanking so that instead of a damaging experience, spanking is enjoyable, sexy, therapeutic even. Interestingly, this also happens to some rape survivors who then go on to take back control of their sexual activities by way of enjoying the rapeplay fetish.
If someone enjoys being spanked as part of bedroom power exchange, foreplay or during sex, what is it that they’re enjoying? It’s a rare masochist that enjoys pain without any context; it’s a common myth that masochists get off on everyday pain like stubbing their toe or accidentally hitting their thumb with a hammer. There needs to be a reason, and the reason is psychological. Even if you love being spanked on the arse during foreplay/sex, would you like a hand to come out of nowhere in the middle of your day and wallop you there without warning? No, I didn’t think so.
You’re enjoying being spanked in a sexual setting – or a power exchange setting – because you’re told it is happening because you’re naughty (as well as your explicit consent to it, of course). A naughty girl, who needs this punishment to learn a lesson. Or a naughty boy, who needs serious discipline and correction with a good ‘old-fashioned’ over the knee spanking. And who is dishing out these spankings? The person who is in charge, in control of the situation – the person you are trusting in that scenario to root out your vulnerable, innocent, trusting little self and punish you for whatever behaviour is stated or simply for such depraved, debased desires.
See the connection yet?
When I’m spanked by my partner in the bedroom, I can’t break the connection between spanking and ageplay. It’s a natural connection. I’m a naughty girl and he’s the Daddy Dom who is giving me the thorough spanking I need because I’ve been ‘naughty’ in some way and need this physical correction. Although other people who love spanking might not name the one playing Top in the room as ‘Daddy’ (or ‘Mummy’, when it’s a Female Dom/Top), there’s often an unrecognised nod to ageplay through the other words used during roleplay.
Let’s think for a moment about the whole schoolgirl being taken advantage of by the teacher fantasy which is enjoyed as a part of many couples’ sex lives.
EverydayFeminism says: “The idea of the naughty schoolgirl is a much celebrated and popular character for role play. The source of her sexiness is obvious: She’s supposed to be a naïve and innocent figure under strict rules, but deep down, has a wild side.”
Think about how many schoolgirl outfits are sold to potential female seducers through online sex shops, and even in shops on our high street. It’s common to see hen parties where a flock of sexed-up women don schoolgirl outfits and act provocatively on a night out. Perhaps you’re a guy who loves being spanked and being told you’re a naughty boy. Maybe you’re imagining being in the office of a very strict and stern Headmistress (or Headmaster), who orders you to take down those shorts and bend over the desk for ten of the best.
Can you see the connection now? What’s the common thread here, aside from spanking? That’s right: ageplay.
I believe there’s a very strong connection between spanking and ageplay, but I also believe it’s not a connection that many spanking-lovers will readily admit – whether to anyone else or themselves. Admittedly it’s easier for me to make that connection, both to myself and unashamedly here on my blog – as I have both fetishes.
Spanking has an ageplay element regardless of some people’s negative opinions of the ageplay fetish. To me this unspoken connection is another proof that ageplay is a very misunderstood and overly criticised fetish when actually, it’s just another way for consenting adults to enjoy sexy roleplay and power exchange sessions together.
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