I Can’t Orgasm Through Oral Sex – Am I Normal?

I can’t orgasm through oral sex…

Why can’t I? Is it my fault? Does it matter?

I can’t orgasm through oral sex. Or at least, I don’t orgasm through oral sex. Not yet. And believe me, I’ve practiced – a lot. I have a very patient, loving partner, and several female sexual partners over the years, and nope. An orgasm through oral sex just doesn’t happen for me.

It doesn’t bother me too much. There are plenty of other ways I can orgasm, whether through using sex toys (clitorally and anally) or through anal sex with my partner without sex toys. Vaginal penetration is lovely and all but it doesn’t lead to an orgasm for me – not on its own. I do feel like I should be able to orgasm through oral sex though. I’d love to lie there, legs spread, and come hard and loud under the skilled tongue of my partner. Or be sat on someone’s face while they lick me to orgasm.

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Women getting oral sex is often portrayed as a reward for them; that’s how society tends to perceive it. Mind you, a guy getting a blowjob is also seen as a treat, a reward – just look at Steak and Blowjob day. As oral sex is often seen as this ‘selfless’ act, a person sacrificing their own pleasure rather than something both people enjoy equally, there’s some amount of pressure to be able to orgasm from it. There’s also pressure on partners to be able to make their ‘lucky recipient’ orgasm through their oral skills.

My partner isn’t the type to get a bruised ego because I can’t orgasm a certain way, thankfully. What with the not coming through vaginal penetrative sex, and this not being able to orgasm through oral sex on top, he’d be pretty crushed if he were a more sensitive type. He’s happy to go with the flow, find what does actually work, and we build a lot of kink and power exchange into our sex life too which keeps things extremely exciting.

oral sex and orgasms - I cant orgasm through oral sex articleSo who’s to blame for me not being able to orgasm through oral sex? I guess the main suspect is sex toys – those vibrating beauties which seem to have my clitoris attuned for only their delights. I could blame vibrators and sex toys, but to be honest I can’t remember a time before using sex toys when I could orgasm through oral sex either. And I clearly remember a time before sex toys. I got my first vibrator at an Ann Summers party when I was about 18, 19 – and I was masturbating and having sex for years before then. Since becoming something of a vibrator veteran, I’ve gone back to manual orgasm a couple of times, to make sure I haven’t entirely lost the ability to make myself orgasm through masturbation without any sex toys. It takes a week or two of complete abstinence from vibrators, but I do get there in the end. So no, I can’t really blame sex toys for not being able to orgasm through oral sex.

Although I would like to be able to orgasm through oral sex, I am not sure there’s anything I can do to help the situation. All I can do is practice (I know, it’s a shame, but someone has to do it). I can’t blame non-attentive partners either – as well as having an understanding and patient male partner, my girl sex sessions haven’t exactly been rushed and rubbish either. I recall one particularly lengthy session where we went down on each other for approximately 6 hours. What a marathon that was. *nostalgic sigh* 😉

Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter that I can’t orgasm through oral sex. Although it would definitely be nice, it’s the attitude I have towards it (and the attitude any of my sexual partners have towards it) that really counts. If it were really upsetting me then it would matter. If a sexual partner was very upset that they couldn’t make me orgasm through oral sex, then it…well actually it still wouldn’t matter, I’d tell the person to get a grip and not make me feel so pressured just to service their ego.

Just because I can’t orgasm through oral sex, it doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy it. Quite the contrary. I absolutely love being tasted, gently lapped at, licked out. Maybe it’s just the sensations, perhaps it’s a tie-in with some FemDom fantasies. Whether it’s facesitting/Queening or on my back, spread legs with a lover going down on me, I do love oral sex. Just don’t expect me to orgasm any time soon (girly volunteers to beat 6 hours gladly accepted).

There are other women/clitoris-owning folk out there who can’t orgasm through oral sex. This article is mostly written for you. I recently conducted a Twitter survey about whether those who have a clitoris are able to orgasm through oral sex. Here’s the results:

As you can see, the poll was shared far and wide with 91 RTs, and just shy of 700 people got involved – a whopping 692 taking an active part on the poll, in fact.

Just over half of all people who took part both love oral sex and can orgasm through it, and the next largest group of people (32%) can orgasm through oral sex but it depends. I’d love to hear what exactly it depends on, if anyone would like to expand on their answers. You can do this in confidence through email to me, whether for anonymous publication in this post – or you can comment below if you don’t mind us knowing who you are.

I was quite relieved to find out that I wasn’t alone in not being able to orgasm through oral sex – and hopefully those of you in the 10% bracket with me are feeling quite relieved too (somewhat ironically, there’s 69 of us). There’s nothing wrong with you – we’re all different. It’s not your fault, and it’s not necessarily the fault of your partner (I can’t speak for those who have only received oral sex from impatient, pressuring, uncaring partners and haven’t had the chance to explore their oral orgasm potential fully).

Hopefully the other people in the ‘I can’t orgasm through oral sex’ club don’t feel undue pressure to be able to come in this way, and it’s not upsetting you in your sex life. If you can’t, you can’t! It’s been shown time and again that the majority of women/vagina-owning folk can’t orgasm through vaginal penetration alone either. Just because something fits and feels nice doesn’t mean it’s going to automatically lead to orgasm. It’s fun to practice though, just in case 😉

The smallest group (7%) in the poll are those who don’t orgasm through oral sex and don’t like it either. Again, hopefully you don’t feel pressured to get oral sex regardless of your own feelings about it. Just because the majority of clit-owning folk do like it (from the results of this poll) doesn’t mean you should. It doesn’t matter what any well-meaning or less well-meaning sexual partners say, it’s your body so don’t be afraid to speak up and say no. Make sure you communicate what does work for you and what really turns you on. Of course if someone doesn’t respect consent and your boundaries then they should have no place in your life at all – especially not between your legs.

It’s also not cool to ‘other’ people who either can’t orgasm through oral sex or who just simply don’t like the sensation. Unfortunately there are people out there with the attitude that people ‘obviously’ orgasm through oral sex, which leads to the implication that to do or feel otherwise is simply abnormal or wrong.

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These ‘othering’ attitudes are unhealthy & could feed into stigma and shame


How do you feel about oral sex? If you have a clit, does oral sex lead to orgasm for you? If you’ve given oral sex to a person with a clitoris, do you feel pressure to be able to make them come? Would it bother you if they didn’t – or can’t?

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

 

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6 COMMENTS

  1. I love receiving oral sex and find it very erotic and intimate. I enjoy giving oral sex, too, but I don’t feel as intimately connected as I do when I’m receiving. I do feel more in control when I’m giving, but I don’t know that I’d go so far as to use the word “dominant.”

    Oral sex does tend to lead to orgasm for me, but I’d still put myself in the “it depends” category because any orgasm – whether from oral sex or vaginal or anal penetration – can be elusive for me. I take what I think is a long time to reach orgasm, but I will say that oral sex and anal penetration are more likely to work. The only way for me to almost guarantee an orgasm is by using sex toys, especially vibrators.

    I’m also lucky to have a partner who is patient and doesn’t seem to take it personally if whatever he’s doing doesn’t bring me to orgasm. I can’t say I’m the same way because there have been times when I didn’t bring him to orgasm, and I did feel upset about it and somewhat inadequate as a lover. I do wonder sometimes if it bothers him. Perhaps he just keeps that to himself to be polite or so as not to upset me.

  2. I have orgasmed maybe three times with oral sex and those times have all been with my current husband, and all in the last year. I usually only orgasm through clitoral stimulation and even then out takes forever with a partner. By myself i go in less than 5 minutes, so i guess i would put myself in the depends category. My husband is very patient and caring, although in the beginning it did bruise his ego a bit as this was one of his favorite things to do ( still is ) and had always been praised for his skills in that area.
    It has taken some time and a lot of trail and error, but i think we finally have this one licked 😉

  3. I don’t orgasm from oral sex and don’t think I ever have. I’m not particularly bothered about receiving it. I don’t dislike it but I don’t *need* it.

  4. Interesting because I can’t cum via oral either – and I’m a guy! In the 25+ years we’ve been married my wife had never been able to make me climax with a blow job. It feels really really good but… I never cum that way.
    (I’m trying to remember if I ever did, prior to my wife, but it was so long ago)

  5. Like Nero, I’m a bloke who has never orgasmed through oral sex. It feels great, but no lover has ever wanted to do it long enough to bring me to orgasm, I’m not that worried about it. If I had to choose between giving oral and receiving oral I’d chose to give. I wouldn’t describe giving oral as a completely selfless act. I love giving oral. Back in my very promiscuous youth it wasn’t that uncommon for me to share cunnilingus with a female friend and that would be the only sexual act between us. They seemed to love it and I know I did, I wasn’t worried about “my turn” because I knew back then I wasn’t going to short, besides I could always take care of myself if I needed release and I’d have plenty of happy memories to speed me on my way.
    The most common way for my lovely lady to cum these days is during oral sex, but not just through oral, she loves to play with a vibrator on her clit while I stimulate her vagina orally. This is still an immensely intimate act, I feel very involved, I get to feel all her excitement, I get to taste and smell her arousal, in someways I experience those senses more this way than when I do lick her clit. She says it’s been years since she’s cum on her own just through playing with button as she no longer gets that aroused on her own, but as an intimate act between us it seems to work.
    If oral on it’s own doesn’t get you off, try blending your pleasures. Maybe that will work for you.

  6. i absolutely LOVE having my pussy licked, especially after i met my current husband. i thought of him as the “clit master” the 1st time he went down on me. nobody (previously) had ever been able to get me off like he does.
    between his tongue (and fingers) he can have me cumming within a few short minutes. i can have multiple orgasms before he ever enters me, then usually have at least one more from penetration.

Please share your thoughts!