10 Myths About Bisexual People
As a bisexual woman who is in a long term relationship with her (also bisexual) male partner, you can imagine how much frustration these myths provoke in our house. Although our friends are understanding and respectful of how we identify (sexuality, gender, mono/poly and whatever else), we only have to watch a few TV programmes to see these myths in action even now in 2016.
The British viewing public is (rather offensively) deemed too stupid for the most part to be able to comprehend the complexities and intricacies of bisexuality, so when there’s a sexuality plot twist about a character it’s usually that they’re gay. Not bisexual (it doesn’t exist, don’t forget), but gay. Comments regarding those who do identify as bisexual on the TV aren’t exactly complimentary, including such winners as ‘isn’t your partner enough for you’, ‘doubling your chances of getting laid’ and throwing out various derogatory labels towards bisexual men and women.
I’ve told guys in the past that I’m bisexual (when asked, I mean; I don’t just drop it into everyday conversation) and they’ve taken on a more protective stance about their female partner next to them, as if I were about to consume them whole.
My own parents did not respond at all positively to my realisation that I’m bisexual, despite the fact that were either of my brothers gay this would be cause for a celebration.
Sadly, I find myself feeling like my bisexuality should remain a secret when I’m amongst a group of women I don’t know all that well. Not that I just discuss my sexuality at any time for no reason, like I’ve said. I wonder whether if they knew they would be as happy being so physically close to me, knowing that I have sex with women as well as men. Whether I’d still be privy to the same conversations and carefree laughs. I never lie and hide my sexuality, but up until the point I’m directly asked or it’s a part of the conversation I do wonder how the people present will respond to the news.
Likewise in a group of men. Due to the popularity of girl on girl porn (amongst men and women but very vocally amongst men), and the holy grail sex session that is the FFM threesome, there’s a millstone around the neck of a woman who is revealed to be bisexual amongst the sort of men who would objectify women. Jokes and backslapping occur, with much mirth over the fact they’re in a room with a woman-fucking woman. Watch your girlfriends lads. Can I watch? Bit of a rug muncher are you? Your bloke’s dead lucky, do you let him join in?
Woe betide the bisexual woman who doesn’t laugh, for she is labelled a humourless hairy-legged feminazi who is only bisexual so she has a hope in hell of getting any sex, ever.
Recently I’ve been musing over the main myths about bisexual people that really anger me, and I thought I’d share them with you here.
- Bisexual people are all about the sex. We want sex all the time, with anyone and everyone.
- Bisexual people will try to steal your partner (as they want sex all the time with anyone and everyone. See #1).
- Bisexual people are just confused about whether they’re gay or straight. Bisexuality doesn’t exist of course – it’s just a phase, a middle ground where you’re still deciding which side of the ‘fence’ you’re on.
- Bisexual people are just greedy. We are probably greedy in other areas of our life too. Let’s just throw all those implications out there.
- Bisexual people are created by a confused upbringing or simply diva-style demands for attention. They’re definitely not naturally bi.
- Bisexual people are incapable of maintaining a faithful relationship or feeling and showing true love. All bisexuals will therefore eventually and inevitably cheat as we’re never satisfied with our partner.
- Bisexual people are always women. This is because men who claim to be bisexual are just greedy gay men who aren’t satisfied with manly-butt-sex, they also want your girlfriend. The bastards!
- Women who claim to be bisexual are just doing it to get male attention. There’s no way a woman could find another woman sexually attractive unless it was part of a ploy to seduce a guy.
- Bisexual people need therapy to cure them of this phase. In addition all bisexual people should probably get tested for STDs as they’re just sluts who have sex all the time, with anyone and everyone. (see #1 & #2) #slutshaming
- Bisexual people will without a doubt be incredibly selfish in bed, as everything’s got to be about them the whole time. After all, that’s what this whole attention-seeking debacle is all about.
Do any of those sound familiar? Even in cases where opinions aren’t as blatantly stated, there’s still so many negative implications about bisexual people in the media. Bisexuality is a valid, distinct sexuality. It is not a phase, or a stepping stone, or the decision-limbo between ‘straight’ and ‘gay’. Throughout a person’s natural realisation of their sexuality there may be a time when they’re bicurious. I was bicurious as a teen – because I’d been raised to believe (thanks to a combination of my upbringing and the media) that straight was the norm.
Straight is not the default setting, with other sexualities being a perversion of straightness. Bi and gay are not deviancies or level-ups from straightness. Straight is not the one true and pure sexuality. Being bisexual and gay are not corrupt and dirty ways to identify and live your life.
Bisexuality has absolutely nothing to a person’s ability to get sex, commitment to and faithfulness within relationships, negative personality traits such as selfishness or greed in any context.
However you identify – bisexual, gay, straight, asexual, fluid, other – you have the right to respectful attitudes and behaviour. Hopefully this article has busted a few of those myths about bisexual people, and goes some way towards setting the record straight – actually, make that BI!