Satisfying Single Sex Life
With so much sex advice focussing on couples foreplay, how to spice up a monogamous sex life and how to keep a relationship happy, it’s easy to overlook the fact that there are plenty of sassy singles out there who want and deserve a satisfying sex life too. Contrary to popular opinion, many singles are not spending all their waking hours masturbating sadly and alone in their bedrooms while pining for the comforts that only a relationship with another person can provide. At this more enlightened time in the 21st century, having a full and active sex life away from the stereotypical constraints of a relationship is nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. Here, we look at how to enjoy a fully satisfying yet completely safe sex life as an independent and single individual.
Where to find no strings sex
As a single person you might be wondering just how you’re meant to find someone to have sex with. It’s not as though available and willing types come with a flashing neon sign, is it. A traditional way to find sex partners is through visiting pubs and clubs, where alcohol can often lessen or completely remove inhibitions and lead to one night stands with strangers. Although you may have success at finding sex for the night, the chances are that having alcohol involved can also remove your conscientious attitude towards safety. Finding out about a person’s sexual health history isn’t exactly chat-up line heaven. Then there’s the issue of complete consent. Waking in the morning with a head full of regrets and worry – for either partner – does not equate to a fully satisfying sexual experience.
There are sex hook-up websites which offer a no strings sexual experience, from being able to vet the person online to meeting them for a no pressure chat which may lead to sex. Some will meet up for sex no questions asked but with safety paramount once again it’s wise to discover as much as possible about someone’s sexual health history and status before leaping between the sheets. This is often easier online than face to face, which is why sex hook-up websites may be a better choice than simply going ‘on the pull’ in pubs and clubs.
A popular choice for casual sex is people you know. This path is full of all kinds of hazards, yet sex with co-workers, friends of friends or even turning a friend into a friend-with-benefits happens more regularly than you might think. A fundamental piece of advice is not to rush into sex with someone you know – not that you should rush into sex with someone you don’t know, either! Before having sex with a colleague at work, consider the consequences of this steamy rendezvous. Will sex with them have a negative impact on your employment? Even if your job isn’t affected, would it be a moment of passion followed by regret or at the very least, an awkward and tense office atmosphere?
If you’re having a quickie at work, will you be contravening your contract and be risking your job simply through the act itself – even if it’s what you both want? Some contracts have a clause forbidding sex or relationships with colleagues as it’s a conflict of interest for the business. Maybe your sexual fling is the result of too much booze at the Christmas party; you certainly wouldn’t be the first members of the post-Christmas party regret club.
Sex with work colleagues is by no means banned; but if you value your employment you will need to think carefully before indulging that office fantasy.
With friends, or friends of friends, it’s also best to think of life after the erotic encounter. If with a person in shared circles, would your friend be upset that you’ve had sex with that person? Will it make friendly get-togethers difficult, or would you have to lie or at least act deceitfully to keep the peace between friends?
Sleeping with a friend, on the other hand, is a decision which has often led to either a successful relationship blossoming or a no strings sex life which both friends consent to and regularly enjoy. This doesn’t mean that the decision should be taken lightly. Open and honest communication is extremely important. Make sure that transitioning to a sexual relationship is what you both really want; once you cross that bridge it can be difficult to re-establish a 100% platonic relationship.
The morality of getting sexually or emotionally involved with people already in relationships of their own is controversial and this topic often causes much debate. For the psychological and emotional safety of those involved I believe it’s really best not to engage in sex or start any kind of emotional relationship with someone already in a relationship, even if they’re urging you to carry on. Having an affair is disrespectful and dishonest and can really hurt people. Contributing to an affair by agreeing to have sex with an attached person makes you just as guilty as the one in the relationship, although you may count yourself as innocent because you’re a single person. This is different from situations where the sex or emotional involvement is known about by all parties of a relationship, such as with swinger couples or polyamorous communities.
It has been shouted about in possibly every single sex advice column on the internet and in magazines but it’s worth stating again: having safe sex is essential. That means using condoms or other barrier forms of contraception when having sex that isn’t part of a long term relationship where not using condoms has been discussed and accepted for whatever reasons. Oral contraceptives and other forms of non-barrier contraception may be a guard against pregnancy, but they do not provide protection against sexually transmitted diseases.
If you’re out and about for a day or night out, don’t rely on pubs and clubs to stock condoms in the toilet vending machines. It’s far better to be prepared right from the start – and have a plentiful home supply – by buying your condoms online. They are often much cheaper this way too, saving you cash which could be put towards that pre- or post-sex meal.
Establishing the sexual health history and current status of an intended sexual partner will give you both peace of mind and let you enjoy sex fully without any niggles or doubts at the back of your mind. As already stated, this is often far easier before meeting face to face, via private messages on an online forum, Skype or other form of digital communication. The internet allows a person to remain as anonymous as they wish, giving a person the freedom to be entirely honest about such intimate details without any embarrassment.
As well as keeping informed about the sexual health of those you may have sex with, don’t forget to keep an eye on your own sexual health. Visit your local sexual health clinic regularly to have the appropriate tests undertaken and you will be able to prove a clear record to future sex partners.
Finally, if you have an impressive sex toy collection, you might be tempted to share their delights with anyone lucky enough to also share your bed. Be careful; sexually transmitted diseases can also be transmitted through the use of sex toys. At the very least use a condom over penetrative sex toys such as vibrators, dildos and butt plugs.
Having a different set of sex toys and replacing them once they are no longer your sexual partner is the best way to prevent the potential transmission of STD’s from person to person through sex toy sharing.