The Absolute Beginner’s Guide To Bondage And BDSM

The Absolute Beginner’s Guide To Bondage And BDSM

By Cara Sutra, for Fetish Friday

You may have heard lots about bondage, kink and something called BDSM. 50 Shades of Grey has undoubtedly helped to bring kink and bondage into the spotlight in recent years. You might have idly wondered what bondage is and if it’s something you’d be interested in. A little more research will help you discover that bondage and kink are liberating adult activities that millions of sexual adventure seekers the world over enjoy on a regular basis.

What Is Bondage?

The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Bondage And BDSMThe first step is understanding what bondage is, then you can make a well considered decision about whether it’s something you’d like to explore in reality. Let’s start at the beginning.

Bondage is the art of restraining another person, or being restrained, consensually and for pleasure.

When you hear the term bondage, a few different scenarios may come to mind. The person bound may be male or female, as it’s not a gender specific activity. The people engaging in the bondage session might be in a romantic relationship, or they might be indulging in this sensual, adult pastime for enjoyment outside of the traditional relationship setup. The overwhelmingly best known accessory for bondage is a set of handcuffs, seen by many as the ultimate symbol of kinkiness and instantly recognisable.

What Is BDSM?

BDSM covers much more than bondage and the pleasurable art of restraint. The term BDSM covers bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism. The acronym’s overlaps are a happy nod towards the connections and bonds formed in BDSM, and the symbol of BDSM is appropriately a circle comprising of three elements.

The exchange of power and control is at the heart of enjoyment of BDSM, along with the mandatory elements of being of legal sexually active age, giving full consent and paying due attention to the mental and physical safety of all involved. Handing over all control during a BDSM session, whether as part of bedroom bondage or a more advanced scene is known as submission, whereas taking control is known as Dominance. It can be very satisfying and fulfilling to realise the fantasies borne out of a desire to submit or dominate. The ephemeral activities of discipline, sadism and masochism – at whatever level you’re comfortable with – can help you to reach that pleasurable goal even more effectively.

The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Bondage And BDSMSubmission And Discipline

There are many ways in which a person may choose to realise their submission. The most obvious symbol of submission which many recognise is to wear a collar. The one in control, the Dominant (sometimes known as a Dom or Master if male, and Domme or Mistress if female) may choose to use other accessories with the consent of the submissive, to help emphasise the submissive’s position and for the sheer pleasure of it.

Mouth gags such as ball gags, ring gags or many other types are often used to provide visual stimulation for the one in control and mainly, to mute the submissive. Taking away their power of speech is an intense sensation for both involved. This may be combined with the use of a blindfold, or other sight removing element such as a face mask or bondage hoods. Other senses are heightened when the ability to see is removed, so blindfolds and hoods are often used in conjunction with sensory play accessories such as pinwheels, waxplay candles, feather ticklers, floggers, soft spiked gloves and many more.

For more impacting and forceful discipline rather than sensory, ‘punishment’ can be given with the aid of whips, floggers, spanking paddles and riding crops. Of course the one in control, the dominant, may choose to just use their own hand for a close and bonding skin to skin spanking session.

Those who seek a higher level of control might be interested in having their orgasms controlled by their Dominant partner, whether just for the duration of a session in the bedroom or other appropriate play area, or over a longer period of time with the help of a chastity device. Chastity is a very popular fetish in BDSM and is often combined with the art of ‘tease and denial’ by the Dominant to emphasise their control and to help the submissive realise powerful and deep feelings of submission.

Staying Safe

The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Bondage And BDSMThe top priority of both parties during any bondage and BDSM session is that everyone involved should be safe at all times. This means that no activity takes place without the full consent of all involved, and that there is some practical and valid way for anyone to stop proceedings at any time if they truly wish.

As the words ‘no’ and ‘stop’ can be said as part of an intense roleplaying scene or kinky session without actually meaning no or stop, it’s wise to choose another word before you start. This should be a word that wouldn’t normally be said in such a situation, something entirely random such as ‘giraffe’ or ‘bananas’. Choose your own word between you and make sure that all involved know that this word means stop as soon as spoken. This word is your safeword.

Another type of safeword which is often used as a general method in the BDSM scene is traffic lights. The traffic light system is very simple: ‘green’ means good to go/continue, ‘amber’ means stop and discuss before going any further, and ‘red’ means stop immediately.

In situations where the submissive party can’t speak to say their safeword (such as when using mouth gags and hoods), you should work out a way for them to ‘safe out’ before you start. This could be by way of finger signals or handing them a bell or button to press.

When experimenting with rope bondage – which you should research well before you begin and ideally have someone competent and experienced on hand to help – it’s a good idea to have scissors nearby in case you need to cut the person loose quickly. Don’t ever tie rope around someone’s neck and don’t leave someone in bondage overnight.

Your Turn

Now that you’ve learned a little more about bondage and BDSM, you have taken your first step towards a more exciting and adventurous sex life. A good way to gently explore the fun that bondage can provide is to buy a beginner’s bondage kit or soft restraints and enjoy experimenting with them in the bedroom with your partner. Take things slowly and keep the lines of communication open. You could discover that they’ve been wanting to make that fantasy real for a while, and you might even be inspired to create and fulfil new fantasies together.

In a future article we’ll be exploring the many different types of bondage sex toys and BDSM accessories, so that you can make the perfect kinky shopping purchases for you. In the meantime, play safe and enjoy keeping it kinky!

 

The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Bondage And BDSM

 

The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Bondage And BDSM


Bondage And BDSM Sex Toys Shopping

The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Bondage And BDSM

The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Bondage And BDSM

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