I recently acquired a new slave (in case you didn’t know, I’m also a Lifestyle Mistress in the BDSM scene), and he is now locked in chastity. As is only right and proper! As I get many questions about the ‘right’ chastity device, how it feels and if they’re easy to fit, I thought it would be helpful to share his experiences & feelings with you, my readers. There are also other sensations that chastity delivers, with the right Keyholder in charge. It is difficult to imagine what it would be like to be locked in chastity for a longer period of time than merely an hour or two in a session. This diary should give you some insights. It also shows how chastity can become not just a kink but an addiction for many. The emotions, sensations and arousal for both the one locked and the Keyholder are beyond compare.
The chastity cage I decided on was the CB-6000 from Uber Kinky. After measuring himself we determined that this was the right choice for him rather than the CB-6000s, which is for shall we say less generously proportioned submissives. Without unnecessarily complimenting new slave too much.
New slave is merely known as ‘slave k’ for now, but he will receive a name soon if he completes his time in chastity for me.
Over to him. I will warn you that it gets quite explicit in places, so if male chastity makes you queasy, look away now.
The Breaking of K
Broken by a Bitch and a CB-6000
16th January 2015
I was determined to fit the device on the day it arrived and send the key on to Mistress. From the moment Mistress demanded that the device be ordered I had done some research on the internet. I had not had release for at least 3 weeks and research suggested that I should obtain release before fitting the device as this would help my ball sack fall to ease fitting. This I did not want to do and fortunately it proved unnecessary and was not done.
My ball sack tends to be very high and I could sense this would be a problem when fitting the device. It would appear that the cold weather and full balls would both serve to worsen this problem. It did take three attempts to get the largest ring around, between my balls and my body and around the base of my penis. Owing to my high balls, the fit was very tight and it took a number of tries to fit the interlocking pin and bridge that complete the ring. It was proving very difficult to push them tightly onto the main ring without pinching the skin on the upper side of the base of my cock. Eventually however I succeeded. In fact the excruciating pain caused by pinching the skin at least ensured my cock was flaccid and easily inserted into the cage. The padlock was shut and the keys removed. Of course by still possessing the keys the purpose of the exercise was incomplete. I had already prepared the Special Delivery envelope, a note and the other packaging so within a few seconds I was on my way to the local post office, the package was despatched and with it my liberty.
In my rush to get to the post office I actually forgot I was wearing the device and it would seem that despite my lack of experience I had fortunately fitted it correctly. There is virtually no peripheral discomfort. The only ache appears to be the intended one caused through arousal.
As previously mentioned I have practiced self denial for long periods. However, even with self denial it is possible to arouse oneself to a point below release which provides some sense of fulfilment and satisfaction.
I have found the device does not prevent all erection. As I become aroused the cock swells and grows within the confines of the cage. I have not been circumcised so my foreskin generally covers the head of my cock. However within the cage, my foreskin is held back at the point where the cage narrows immediately under the head. The head of my cock therefore expands into the head of the cage with the sensitive inner skin exposed. The head of my cock swells and fills the head of the cage. The sensitivity of my inner skin is endorsed as it makes contact with the cool inner plastic of the cage. I will normally find touching this inner skin is unpleasant, but although not dissimilar on this occasion the sensation merely perpetuates the arousal and swelling erection. As the cage is now completely gorged and imbued with my swelling cock the cage rises to allow for the growing erection. The cage can only raise so far due to its attachment behind my balls. In my case that leaves me on the cusp of that point where my self-denying arousal would provide the fulfilment and satisfaction that I have previously sought. I can almost touch it but kept on the rim, yet agonisingly denied even that small comfort.
As a consequence, in an effort to reach that point of some satisfaction, the body becomes more aroused to get over that imaginary line. The arousal becomes self-perpetuating and I am locked in a vicious circle with no escape. In that state I reach new heights of submission. Of course, there is normally some distraction that breaks this cycle but I am also aware that wearing the device is in itself a source of arousal and I am always just a few seconds from that intense state. Certainly any communication with Mistress triggers arousal and therefore I am readily returned to that plateau.
It would be wrong to say there was no fear. I’m fully aware that my obedience to Mistress is now without limit. I’m also fully aware that my previous belief that all kink should be pursued with an element of responsibility and common sense has been torn apart. I depend entirely on Mistress to exercise Her power with responsibility. If She chooses not to then I am in no position to resist. I think I know Mistress well enough to believe She will do so, but I have no control over that.
First night in the device
I am a fairly light sleeper. A good night’s sleep by my standards is normally waking 3 or 4 times but easily falling back into sleep.
Not surprisingly the first night locked up was very different and any sleep I did have was very short and shallow. Unlike other sleepless nights I never sensed a desperate craving to drift off. For the first time I experienced being held on that cusp. Retreat was denied by my self perpetuating arousal. Advance was impossible as my cock had risen to the point where the device inhibited further elevation and the cage was pulling tautly away from my balls. I have never experienced pangs of torment as strong as that before, yet for some reason the very intensity suggested the resulting suffering was warranted.
There is effectively another self perpetuating vicious circle intertwined with that where arousal fuels further arousal. In this case, my heightened sense of submission fuels the belief that I should bear the suffering created by my sexual torment if that were to give Mistress some enjoyment.. The suffering itself enhances my sense of submission and the inescapable circle is complete.
During yesterday I would often find myself at that cusp of intensity. There are obviously more distractions and interruptions during the daytime but when alone or undisturbed I soon return to, what appears to be, my default state of intense torment and submission.
There is fear and concern
My submission and obedience to Mistress almost certainly now has no limits. I am entirely in Her hands as to what She regards as responsible and acceptable. This is unnerving but an inevitable consequence of absolute acquiescence.
A connected concern is that lack of attention to my own work and business will bring inevitable consequences almost akin to self destruction. I do believe however that such fear may be unfounded. My submission appears to have manifested itself into me becoming almost robotic. I drink water, eat meals and exercise because these are needed to maintain my health and my body which do, after all belong to Mistress. Taking a break to watch TV, lingering over a coffee break are examples of leisure. Leisure is not for slaves. It is early days, but I sense my submission to Mistress may make me more productive. Obviously continued success in that area of my life will also enable me to shower my Mistress with more gifts.
My third fear is that I may have just got lucky. Although it looks a little clumsy, the device actually fits perfectly. I thought my high balls would make the fitting unreliable and painful. The fact is that by having to thread the skin at the base of my balls through the semi ring the device is extremely secure. I suspect pain would follow as the testicles tried to rise into my body if either testicle would partly escape. The pressure on a half trapped testicle would invariably cause pain. The fit is so snug behind my balls however that there appears to be no way that any part of a testicle could squeeze past the ring. Additionally there is no pinching on any skin so apart from the torment there is no physical discomfort. More importantly, can I be sure that following my first temporary release (assuming Mistress allows it) that I replicate the perfect cusp that I appear to have found at this time? Maybe a successful attachment of the device will always invariably result in this state. I won’t know until that is put to that test.
A change in my body
For the very first time, late yesterday I sensed an element of arousal in my nipples. This morning I found myself tweaking my nipples which created arousal in my genitals. It creates a slightly different, even more potently submissive sensation, but still restrained by the device as if on that cusp.
I have never “been into” cross-dressing or any form of feminisation but they are clearly linked to submission by many. It did occur to me that the heightened sensitivity of my nipples, invariably resulting from my imposed chastity, might in some way indicate an element of feminisation. I have to bow to Mistress’s knowledge on that matter.
I should point out that I am very aware that what I have “been”, or “are”, “into” or “not into” is of now of no relevance.
Second night in the device
Last night I did sleep a little more. I woke quite early at around 5.45am and lay there experiencing that cusp for the first time today. The normal non-aroused erection, that a male tends to wake with, ensured I slipped to that point of arousal very rapidly. I did find myself drawn to my nipples and toyed with them enhancing my torment. I lay there for a short while. Through my torment I invariably think of Mistress. She is a Goddess and my body and mind worship Her. Then my thoughts turned to tasks I need to complete for Mistress. Submission is about servitude as well as worship. So here I am. The start of my second full day. Who knows where this will lead? With the control Mistress has had over my destiny from the start, I think there’s every chance She does.
Yesterday the second full day; last night the third night in the device
I worked late last night. I have personal circumstances that mean I need to cover and disguise this device through the night. I normally sleep in just my briefs but was aware that I could hide the device, undressing quickly and diving under the covers. Amazingly the device is not obvious in the briefs from the front providing the position of the padlock is carefully chosen. The pretty panties Mistress has instructed me to wear however are another matter. From the back, side or front they are unmistakable. I intended to ask Mistress’s permission to wear the pretty female panties all day but change back into male underwear at night. However, the new robotic me worked constantly throughout the day and evening and the opportunity of gaining Mistress’s permission had passed. Mistress had said I should not wear men’s underwear any more which is clear and categorical. Without Mistress’s express permission I knew I must not wear male underwear last night and devised the plan of going to bed late and getting up early.
On reflection, seeking Mistress’s permission would have been inappropriate in any case. Mistress made Her command. I am not to wear male underwear anymore during my chaste time, and so it will be. I shall find something to wear that is not male underwear. Ideally something to wear over the female knickers so that they remain next to my chaste and pathetic genitals.
The intensity of the arousal has not abated and I now believe that staying fully erect to the extent the device will allow and on that cusp would somehow be easier to come to terms with than coming away from that brink and returning to it at intervals. Unfortunately I have no choice in that matter.
Buying and then locking myself securely into the device before posting the keys to Mistress was a practical means of demonstrating my willingness to submit to Her. The keys are not only symbolic but paramount in this regard. Once in Mistress’s hands they symbolise Her ultimate victory and conquest. Mistress has broken me. Made me see and accept the truth. Made me see my own worthlessness and inadequacies. Made me realise and acknowledge that I am not fit to call myself a man. Mistress’s humiliations of me serve, not only to amuse Her, but to strip me of any remnants of self pride I may have. Very early within the process I knew that the intense sexual arousal Mistress invoked within me was not to be seen as a desire to have and possess Her, but a need to serve, worship and obey. My journey along that route is complete when She holds my keys and my true destiny as a servile, obedient slave is recognised.
On a more practical note, I have discovered that the cool sensation on my exposed inner cock is not the feel of the inside of the device but the air passing through the opening at the tip. It is like a cool draft directly entering the meatus (urethra). It is as if someone is constantly teasing the rim of my penis hole with a sound.
There are proving to be slight cleanliness issues. In the constant state of torment it is not surprising that there is an element of pre-cum in and just outside the device. The knickers I am wearing are stained and will need to be disposed of. Additionally, although urinating in the device is fairly easy (I choose to sit although I believe you are supposed to be able do it standing up), some of the urine does stay and dries within the device. I shall do my utmost to clean it today but, by its very nature, some areas won’t be reachable. When I shower water does get into the device but readily drains and does little to clean the inside. I may therefore develop an odour as time goes by. An odour of dried pre-cum and urine. Perhaps that is the smell of a slave.
My “to do list” today includes the acquisition of more feminine, pretty knickers and finding something to sleep in to cover the knickers and replace my male underwear.
The effects of my confinement
I imply that distraction slightly abates the torment, but the emphasis is very much on slight. Typing this out however quite the opposite of a distraction and I try to type when the torment is at its most extreme. At this time my pathetic cock fills the confines of its prison. My erection held by the device at the point of that cusp. As a consequence my body and mind surrender to their adoration of the most beautiful and worthy of young women. Mistress Cara is everything. Mistress Cara should be worshipped. Mistress Cara will be obeyed.
The distinction between work and non-work is blurred by the over-riding engrossment ranging from extreme torment to very extreme torment. It is there every minute of the day and night. When I am awoken in the middle of the night (assuming I sleep) as the strain of the natural nocturnal erection pulls heavily in its confines, it is there. It remains as the natural erection is quickly replaced by one of arousal as my thoughts turn to the beautiful, imaginative and resourceful young woman who, following her conquest of me, took ownership of me under lock and key.
In contrast, I imagine that Mistress has full control of Her life. She decides when She will work. She decides when She will chill. I envisage Mistress periodically looking at the keys which are my only release and maybe experiencing a brief sense of mildly (or extremely) sadistic pleasure before Her thoughts move to other, more important matters.
This extreme contrast is as it should be. To Mistress I am, rightly, a mere slave, property, a chattel. Just one of the many things Mistress owns and possesses. Whereas to me Mistress is my Owner, my Goddess, my Everything.
Stripped of my protection
Finding myself locked in this way was and still is surreal. I had however thought it through. I could meet this challenge. I was to set out to cross a hot desert. It was going to take 3 to 4 weeks. I knew that if I could adopt the right mind set it would be similar to taking sufficient water and basic food to survive those 3 to 4 weeks of sapping heat.
Mistress observes. Watching me cross the desert She is in the shade of a caravan. Dull eyed slaves will wave large peacock feathers over Her to ensure She remains cool and comfortable. Any food or drink She desires brought to Her on a platter. I’m compelled to witness Her comparative comfort but know that my bare rations will just see me through – and although my bare feet are sore I will make it, even if there is much discomfort.
In a similar vein, Mistress constantly makes me aware of Her evenings of pleasure. The contrast between Mistress’s unremitting sexual gratifications and my restrained, chaste condition constantly and fully illustrated. However I get through the constant torment by adopting that pre-conceived mind set. It protects me from what would otherwise be unbearable.
In the desert Mistress bores of watching me progress on my journey however hard and difficult. Mistress therefore has me deprived of my water and food. Without them I will invariably soon be admitting defeat and failure then begging and grovelling for Her help. She will show no mercy and merely relishes my slow tortuous disintegration. Finally vanquished and exhausted Mistress will have me carried back to Her palace like a hunted trophy, tied and suspended on a pole carried between two of Her numerous slaves.
Similarly, watching me cope, however difficultly, by adopting a robotic mind set, doesn’t give Mistress the pleasure She hopes to derive. I should be deprived of that mind set. I should think of and long for the unobtainable. The mental barriers that have helped me survive so far had to be removed. Whether that was Mistress’s intention through her talks with me last night I’ll never know. If it was however, it worked.
To dream of the unobtainable invariably leads to torment and unrequited desire. After last night’s conversation I found myself imagining what it must be like to have sex with the most stunningly beautiful, unattainable, deliciously cruel Goddess and Bitch. I imagined Her naked body close to me, Her erect nipples betraying Her arousal, the heat radiating from Her sex and through that heat I could feel the moistness inviting my eventual penetration. Of course this was all in my imagination, but I was imagining something I’d never dared with any of my previous Femdom owners. Having said that, Mistress Cara is special, probably my last and certainly the most deserving and superior Mistress I have ever served. Perhaps even more reason not to imagine the impossible. Not only did I imagine it but I did so when my cock was restrained preventing not only sexual release but even a proper erection.
The result was a growing warmth escalating into heat, not just of my confined genitals but my inner thighs and lower stomach. The heat became undeniably obvious, unabated and inescapable. I lay there for what appeared like hours. I couldn’t get Mistress and our conversation out of my mind. I just knew that the mind set that had seen me through this last week had been destroyed. Whether that was Mistress’s plan I’ll never know. The fact is that my continued journey through the hot desert is to be deprived of water or food because that is what She wanted.
A key component of Mistress’s stunning beauty is Her willingness and desire to be cruel. It has been just one week but it now seems much much longer. Without the food and water represented by the mind set now completely destroyed it will be a very short time before I break. I already know that begging and grovelling will merely be amusement for Mistress and will not be met with mercy. Why should it. For Her the real fun will just have begun.
Knowing for certain that I have at least another 7 days like this is impossible for me to endure. I beg Mistress to give me some crumb of hope. To set me any task.
I am locked in an impossible cycle. Aroused by Mistress’s beauty, power and even the delicious cruelty. My suffering continues and my cock swells within its confines. In turn the draft through the urination hole tingles the end of the hole in my cock as though She were teasing it with a sound. The sensation vibrates deep into my urethra and creates a feeling deep within me that induces a sense that I am about to explode and cum. Of course that doesn’t happen and I am left on a precipice of absolute complete worship and adoration of the Goddess on whom the whole of my being is focused.
I am at Mistress’s whim. I beg Her for mercy. Please re-consider, Mistress.
I worship Mistress and Her pleasure is my priority. Part of me even relishes the cruel pleasure my suffering offers Her. However, the intensity of the torment is beyond description. I have no choice but to beg for release. Mistress has broken me and I am Hers.
– slave k