Sex Preparation Tips: Get Ready For The Best Sex Of Your Life
By Cara Sutra
It’s all very well knowing how to have sex, but what about the time leading up to the main event? Many people suffer from performance anxiety, which can start hours or even days before their sexual liaison. In this sex preparation tips feature I examine 6 steps which may help to soothe those sexual activity fears and make sure you’re as prepared as possible for the best sex you’ll ever have.
1. You can’t hurry love
Be kind to yourself. Great sex is worth waiting for.
If you want to prepare for the best sex of your life, you need to realise that it all takes time. Time to mentally and physically prepare, time to become aroused, time to get into the zone, time to accept yourself and time to learn your partner’s desires and to help them understand yours.
I insist that you put the kettle on right now and take 15-20 minutes out to think about these sex preparation tips, your sex life and how you could better it. Go.
2. Seduce yourself
They (whoever they are) say you can’t expect someone to love you (I reckon this also works with ‘make love to you’) if you don’t love yourself first. Translate this how you wish; love who you are and be proud or go and physically love yourself with the door locked, plenty of lube and your favourite sex toy. Ideally, both of those situations all at once.
Before you even think about seducing a partner, you need to seduce yourself. Personal preparation comes first. Physically, being completely clean and relaxed will help so why not splash out (ahem) on luxury bath treats and sink into a neck deep bath of bliss? Get yourself feeling sparkly clean, smooth and moisturised and the confidence will shine through whatever you choose to wear.
Speaking of which, you need to consider if you’re going to treat them to you wearing sexy lingerie, a roleplay outfit or nothing but a spray of their favourite fragrance.
3. You look organised, tonight
It’s incredibly disruptive and distracting if you have to stop the sexiness to change the batteries in your sex toy, grab another toy because the one you have has run out of power, spend 20 minutes looking for condoms or your stash of lube.
Don’t fall prey to a disorganised sex life – make sure you’re organised and always be prepared for sex. It’s easy enough to stock up with batteries, condoms and lube in the bedside drawer, and you need to make sure you recharge those rechargeable vibrators if they’re running low. Have a selection of sex toys by the bed so that you can swap to a more suitable one in the heat of the moment if the mood takes you.
It’s also a great idea to keep a pack of wet wipes, some tissue and even an old towel or two around for spills and sex messes. Hey, we all know they happen – let’s not be shy here.
4. Confidence is sexy – be proactive
I’m not saying you have to be an all out man-eater or sex pest, but waiting for them to make the first move could be depriving you of countless sexy opportunities.
What if they’re waiting for you to show signs that you want sex? Perhaps they are shy and nervous. If you wait until they pounce you there is the danger that neither one will summon up the courage and misunderstandings about each others’ intentions and desires can creep in.
Confidence has long been heralded as one of the most attractive qualities in either gender, so take a deep breath, remember that you’re sexy, valuable and wanted, and make your move. It could be a suggestive text, an outrageously flirty comment, a kiss to their neck or lips or slipping your hands close to or over their sexual zones. Let them know exactly what it is you want, and that you just can’t wait to get it.
5. Communicate your wants (and do-not-wants)
It’s possibly been overstated, but it’s always worth repeating. You need to communicate what you want, in some way, if you hope to get it. As brilliant as humanity is, mind reading is not our forté.
You don’t have to wait until you’re mid-sex session to let your partner know what you’re into. It’s admittedly difficult to combine sane and rational conversation with the passion and pleasure of sex. Have you tried talking about sex and your particular sex life outside of the bedroom? It can be hard if you’re shy or nervous, but let’s face it – you’re talking to a person you plan to or regularly have sex with, so there’s really nothing to be shy or nervous about. If you find talking aloud about sexual matters quite scary, why not open up on instant messenger, texts, or even write them a handwritten letter they can read.
As well as letting your partner know your likes and what you’d really like to try, your fantasies and turn-ons, you should think about forewarning them about what really doesn’t turn you on. Everyone has their particular turn-offs and discovering them in the middle of what should be a passionate session is never enjoyable and can be embarrassing and humiliating. Telling them what you’re not into before you get into the bedroom can help avoid embarrassment and ensure that sex happens without a hitch.
6. Relax and enjoy
There’s a great article written by Exhibit Unadorned which highlights things he sometimes thinks about during sex, but more relevantly, what he never thinks about while having sex. It’s worth taking a look as it lends weight to the argument that men aren’t mulling over the same doubts and negativity that many of us (male or female) tend to accept as a constant sex soundtrack in our minds. Yes, he’s only one man – but it’s great to see at least this one reassurance articulately communicated in black and white.
Removing any particular genders and sexualities from the equation, it’s most probably the same situation regardless of who you are and whoever you’re having sex with. They wouldn’t be having sex with you if they didn’t want to, didn’t find you attractive or if they had any qualms about you physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise.
The purpose of sex (obviously other than procreation, but how many people reading this have that in mind?) is pleasure, and I would argue that you can’t enjoy sex if you’re worried the whole way through. Orgasms will be more difficult to achieve, your body will be rigid and end up sore and your body language will be negative to your partner not open and positive. As much as possible, use the above sex preparation tips to help you relax and enjoy sex when it happens as much as possible.
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