cock shots and naked photosSince the dawn of the internet age, there has been the fractious exchange of ‘naughty’ photos between lust-driven individuals. Even before the internet, you could simply pleasantly surprise (or non-consensually repulse) a contact by sending a text message to thrust your naked form and genitalia upon them. Before that, who knows. Polaroids through the letterbox?

We like to think we’ve come a long way since the days of flashers in dirty raincoats. But have we, really? As a woman, and more to the point a woman who uses the internet, I have had more than my fair share of unwanted and unsolicited naked pictures and ‘cock shots’. I’m at a loss as to what a ‘fair share’ would be. Of the ones I have received, about 1% were from women, the other 99% and indisputably overwhelming majority from men. You will therefore excuse me if I discuss this subject from the point of view of a woman who has received these unwanted pictures for the large part from men (excuse the hilarious pun), and debate the act of men sending these pictures via the many channels of the internet.

Regardless of how attractive you either think you are or other people insist you are, as a woman of the internet age there’s a good chance you’ve received a naked pic/cock shot in your time. This is especially true if you’ve happened to engage in friendly banter with strangers or web-quantainces on social media or on chat sites. The chat sites don’t even need to be adult themed for this to happen, they can be entirely innocent. In fact many of the cock shots I have received in my life were during my time on a chat site which was specifically ‘not for adult dating’ and ‘not for the purposes of hook-ups’. This did nothing to dissuade the penis parade. In fact I am fairly certain it attracted the willy wavers even more, as if rebelling against a chat site’s rules was the new bungee jumping off Brooklyn Bridge. The allure of the challenge, the thrill of the send.

I don’t actually have an aversion to penises, despite the many jokes I make about being ‘mostly lesbian’ and only finding a penis attractive if it’s ‘behind bars’ (no, not simpering letters to Death Row, I mean in a chastity device). A penis is a functional body part, as is the vulva, vagina, breasts and ass. However you want to personally label them. The sexual attraction we transcribe to these bodily areas is the result of a few things; hormonal changes once we reach adulthood intermingled with sexual attraction education picked up from our peers, as well as society at large and the omnipresent media.

Unlike some women who can evidently find a penis sexually attractive regardless of who its owner is, I need to know the man and find him attractive before I can bring myself to care about what his genitals either look like or where they plan to visit next. I’ve never wanted to go see the Dreamboys or Chippendales and am only slightly bemused when I see a tipsy pink feather-and-sequins mass which started the night as a Hen Party screeching for the men to ‘get ’em off’. It is worth noting that the women I discuss here need to be in control of the situation at all times, and after discussion with female friends the allure of male strippers in these situations causes hilarity rather than any genuine arousal.

I am much more likely to find erotic visual media sexually alluring (and yes, I mean specifically to me) if it is of a semi clad woman, women together, or highlighting the beautiful nuances of the female form, rather than a brightly lit biological assessment of a multi veined stump which gets thrust in your face by so many pornographic outlets.

My personal preferences in this regard are doubtless down to my particular sexuality.  Although sexuality is innate in my opinion, I feel that mine has also been shaped by my experiences through puberty and the multitude of sexual experiences and partners I’ve had, as well as exposure to both mainstream and fetish sexual culture. I am dubbed ‘bisexual’ in this world as I can find either a man or a woman sexually attractive and can and have had full relationships with people of either gender. In this century where we are fast discovering that a dual gender world is narrow minded to say the least, surely ‘bisexual’ as a term is nearing its expiry date. Right now there is no other real term which fits my sexual preferences, so ‘bisexual’ is the one I must adopt to helpfully describe to others my choices. I do not feel ‘pansexual’; sexually attracted regardless of one’s gender or sexual orientation. I have very definite sexual attractions towards someone I view as a man, or someone I view as a woman. I am no idealist in this matter (nor any other) – I confess that I may have a shallow view when it comes to finding someone attractive for their body.

A perfectly shaved vulva, glistening labia, full breasts, dark and puckered nipples. The line of a woman’s spine to be traced by fingertips and tongue. The soft fall of her hair over the curve of her neck and over her collarbone. The delicate slenderness of her wrists, and the soft inners of her thighs. Petite. Adventurous. Naughty.

And men? A sharp, well pressed suit. Pinstriped. Good shoes. Cufflinks. Cleanshaved or a hint of stubble. Of a certain age. Older. Experienced. Stocky, no slim builds for me. Strong. Able to pick me up and throw me down. Unafraid. Not arrogant. Confident. Ambitious. An achiever.

As you can see, I have very definite ideas of attraction for me, for men and women, as I view the world. These are only ideals from my mind; I cannot say that I will only find these types attractive. They only highlight the few points that turn me on, that get me off. Although the points I mention are physical, when conjured from the corners of my mind the person is someone I know and have a sexual connection with. No complete stranger, but someone who knows me and who knows how best to use their physical attractiveness in conjunction with their confidence, kinks and intelligence to make the physical meeting even more pleasurable and satisfactory for us both.

When I receive a cock shot in my inbox, I feel none of the sensations and emotions that the above mental imagery conjures up. I see, quite patently and very boringly, penis. Oh look, it’s a penis. Thanks. There’s absolutely zero sensation or stimulation whether in my brain, throat, nipples, clit or deep inside my pussy. Nothing. A mild sense of irritation that my time has been wasted opening this message, and perhaps a deeper sense of disappointment if said penis-pic has come from a contact I expected more from than to send me cock shots as some failed attempt at getting my attention and summoning arousal. I toss the email, with disdain, into the trash bin. These days, I don’t even reply to the contact with surprise, anger, or upset. I simply cut all ties.

The penis pic does the opposite of what the sender intended. Even if their intent was simply to shock or upset me, I have seen far too many penises in my time to be shocked by a picture of one. Firstly, I’m a Domme. I enjoy seeing pictures of penises locked up, I lock them up for fun, I tease and deny them for my pleasure. Secondly, I am an avid sex blogger and sex toy reviewer. I am surrounded by thousands of pictures of penises and fake penises all day every day, and my work office is cluttered with fake penises on every surface. Thirdly, as a 30-something woman in a long term relationship with her male partner, I am no stranger to penises for sexual pleasure. Fourthly, I have two sons.

Sorry, but your penis photo really didn’t shock me. Not a jot.

If it is sent to try to upset me? I don’t have time, inclination or enough troll feed to become upset by a simple penis pic. As stated above, my honest initial response is to feel mildly irritated at having my time wasted, quickly replaced by a sense of disappointment if I had spoken with the contact for some time beforehand, leading ultimately to the person being ejected from every area of my life and quickly forgotten about. I’m a busy woman, I don’t linger on anything which doesn’t require or deserve my time and attention.

So we’ve covered why penis pictures don’t turn me on, why they don’t shock me and why they don’t upset me. I can’t speak for all women and would never try to. However, as a woman who states the above rebuttals to naked photos and cock shots from men, I can only assume I am not the only woman who feels this way. I am strange in many ways, agreed; but it would be arrogance beyond measure to assume I am unique in my feelings on any one matter. Speaking with female friends, no one I have spoken to has ever had a positive reaction to receiving a cock shot in their inbox or a naked picture, when said picture hasn’t been discussed beforehand, offered and accepted, or asked for in some way.

And that’s really the point. Sure, penises can be sexy. They can also be funny. Men can be sexy, as can women. Naked photos can be hot, arousing, stimulating. Sent while in a relationship with the person they can form part of a couples’ foreplay technique (hello, sexting). Sent between single and consenting adults of the sexual kind, receiving or exchanging naked photos of any variant can be fun and exciting. It can even feel a quite taboo and dangerous. The naughty element is a big draw for most. The trust you place in someone not to share the pic around, the satisfying sensation of being trusted with the photos. The power over another, if that’s more your thing. The humiliation if you want to get into a more BDSM aspect of the matter.

Non-consensually sending your naked photos and cock shots to a person? Unsexy. Forcing your nudity (whether typically sexy or unashamedly hideous) on another person and into their brain via their eyes through instant message or email is something to be ashamed of and something to stop doing, immediately. If you feel like the recipient really wants to see your penis, or your naked body, where’s the harm in checking first?

Sending unsolicited naked pics and cock shots to another person makes you no better than the old fashioned flasher in a mac. Put your clothes on and with them, a little dignity – and flash me some intelligence and respect. I may even find you sexy enough in time to want to see more of you than your stimulating conversation.

 

– Cara Sutra

3 Responses to “Why naked pics and cock shots don’t do it for me”

  1. Katie

    I have to say I agree with so much of this.

    I’m a happily married 20something woman, but I have always been attracted, and have acted on this attraction, to other women. Fortunately I have a very understanding husband who actively encourages me to enjoy that side of my sexuality (so long as he gets to hear all the details). By definition, this makes me bisexual, but I prefer to refer to myself as simply being sexual. I enjoy sex, and I enjoy it with both men and women, and, on occasions, with both at the same time.

    As for cock pics, again, so much agreement. Having been a member of an adult contact site, the level of penile bombardment was sufficient that I still can’t walk past the mushroom section in the supermarket without a mild feeling of trepidation.

    Yes, penises are wonderful things, they feel wonderful inside us, they give us a lot of pleasure, but aesthetically, they really aren’t all that pleasing on the eye. I’ve never yet seen a picture of a cock that’s made me think, ‘Fuck! I must have that inside me’. I do like nude pics however, it allows me to see the whole package, as it were. And again, like you, if there’s no attraction to the owner of the penis, said proud inches of flesh, no matter how impressive, aren’t going to get near me, let alone inside me. At the end of the day, we fuck people, not organs. I fuck my husband, not his cock, and he fucks me, not my cunt (or arse, or face). His cock is simply the part of him that he fucks me with and my cunt, arse and mouth are simply the bits of me that the act of him fucking me are assigned to.

    Katie xx

    Reply
  2. GirlOnTheNet

    I’m late to this but I love this post – I used to be totally up for guys sending me cock pictures until they kept coming… and coming… and coming. I was inundated, and not just with the kind of shy, nerdy ‘do you like this I really hope you do’ type guys that I love, but with demanding, sulky, childish emails – “Rate me” or “Send pics in return” or “You haven’t replied to my email yet how rude”. It got exhausting. I love looking at dick, and I have been known to find cock pictures deeply arousing in the past – guys I love send them to me and they make me weak at the knees. But unfortunately the barrage of cock pictures that have been sent since I started sex blogging have desensitised me to the point that I think my reaction is very similar to yours. Just “Oh, a penis.” I’m gutted that I’m now so cynical about it. But I’ve received hundreds over the last few years, and it’s hard not to get a bit hardened to it.

    x

    Reply
  3. Kilted Wookie (@Kilted_Wookie)

    It’s one that I struggle with. I’m all for showing my junk on my #SinfulSunday Posts, but sending unsolicited pictures of my penis to unknown individuals just seems, we’ll, unwarranted.

    I wrote my own thoughts on the subject in a post entitled “Penile Bombardment“, and I’ll be honest, I still don’t know what the “rules” are.

    My own view is that #CocksNeedContext.

    KW

    Reply

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