Finding your perfect D/s Partner

BDSM Dating – finding your perfect kinky partner

shackles restraints and bondage

Compatibility in BDSM relationships is important and should be taken into consideration from the outset. We learned that from my article last month, Kink compatibility in D/s relationships. But just how do you go about finding that all too often elusive, but perfect, kinky match?

The main issue you will need to ponder is whether you are seeking a lifestyle partner or a play partner. Would you like to connect with someone on the other end of your own kink orientation for a long term commitment, or do you want to hook up with people interested in playing out sessions and power exchange scenes with you?

There are many ways to connect with others in the BDSM scene. Online, you may visit the several fetish forums and websites that exist, often featuring message boards, details of events and local persons with similar interests. A few examples of these are Fetlife, Informed Consent, Kink.com and Collar Me.

Social media is the 24/7 conversation of the internet. BDSM hasn’t been mute in this respect either. Find kinky interests that appeal to you by searching on Twitter, using hashtags and viewing the suggested, relevant Twitter users that appear once you search.

Facebook is more censored for adult content than Twitter, but there are still relevant BDSM pages centring on such fetishes as FemDom, male chastity, CBT, female submission and general BDSM. Once you request to join those groups and are accepted, you will discover people just like you, waiting to be your friend and maybe more. It may be an idea to open a Facebook account with an anonymous name for this type of activity, if you don’t want your family and friends knowing about your adult and BDSM interests!

For most, the end aim of online activity is to meet a suitable play partner or lifestyle partner in real life, with a view to putting all that talk into kinky action. Speaking to prospective kink candidates online will confirm whether their fetishes and interests correspond with yours or not, before wasting either person’s valuable time in real life.

There are, of course, ways to meet fellow kinksters in real life too, as opposed to the internet. BDSM clubs, munches and Fetish shopping events are all attended by those in the BDSM scene, some of whom are sure to fit your particular kink desires.

Due to the sensitive nature of fetish and kink activities, in correlation to the vanilla world, the main hurdle you may find yourself facing is shyness and self consciousness when it comes to interacting with others in the BDSM scene. Often there is a culturally ingrained ‘guilt’ that how you feel, and what you desire with regards to Domination and submission, is somehow freaky, weird and just plain wrong.

No matter the assurance you can be given here that Domination, submission and all the beautiful nuances of BDSM are in no way wrong, the fight between this ingrained feeling and achieving your kink ambitions is life is one that only you can fight and win. No-one can fix this for you, no amount of advice articles can make it a real part of your life. You need to find the courage of your convictions, decide that BDSM is indeed an important part of your life, and take that first step towards true, kinky fulfilment.

Finding your perfect D/s partner may not always equate to finding the person who fits the ideal you’ve held in your mind for so long. Be prepared to be flexible, for that person may not exist and you may waste months or years on a fruitless and ultimately soul destroying search.

Perfection comes in many forms. Just as with vanilla relationships. Dominance and submission partnerships take work. Some flexibility at the outset may mean the difference between a successful bond and losing someone who may, in time, be a ‘perfect’ fit.

Meeting a variety of people in the BDSM scene and making new friends and acquaintances, whether just online or in real life too, is surely the best way to invest in the future of your kinky life. As friendships and relationships grow and flourish, who knows? You may just happen upon that perfect person to bring your fetish fantasies from merely a dream to spectacular reality.

 

– Cara Sutra

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