Learning the ropes – introducing bondage to the bedroom

bondage

Restraints, shackles, chains, cuffs, rope – do these give you a connotation of fear or pleasure? For many, bondage is a mysterious and somewhat sinister activity which is only practiced by other people. What are your thoughts?

Bondage in a sexual setting is the act of restraining a person or being restrained for psychological or sexual pleasure. The most recognisable and mainstream item used in a bedroom scenario is the infamous furry handcuffs, now a somewhat derided object in the mainstream, used as a joke on hen and stag weekends to represent kinky and immoral attitudes to sex.

If you have had thoughts of bondage or your partner has mentioned wanting to experiment, you may wonder how exactly to proceed. What do people do? What do they use? Why is it enjoyable and, in fact, will I enjoy bondage at all?

For those who enjoy bondage, the act of being restrained physically triggers a psychological, mental and even an emotional liberation. The ‘kink contradiction’ of restraint leading to freedom is one enjoyed by many individuals and couples worldwide.

The physical aspects of bondage can be enjoyed by both partners. Not only does the one being restrained experience their fantasy of being bound brought into reality, the one performing the act of restraining their partner can enjoy the fruits of their work whether it is their partner seductively and provocatively writhing in pleasure on a bed, or intricate and artistic rope forms in advanced bondage, such as Japanese Shibari.

Bondage, somewhat ironically, can help ‘bond’ partners together in other ways too. Exploring the first tendrils of bondage fantasy together with your partner can enable you both to have another outlet of reconnection. If you have found your love life becoming predictable and in some cases, stagnant or non-existent, bondage can provide a mutually satisfying experience. There is no pressure to have sex either; bondage can be enjoyed as intimately and sex free as a massage session, if you wish.

Of course you need to reach the point where you feel able to communicate these desires to your partner before any of the actual action takes place. It can be very daunting to raise a discussion about bondage when you’re unsure of how well it will be received. Communication long before whipping out the rope or cuffs is highly recommended: you don’t want to exert undue pressure on your partner which is sure to have a negative effect.

There is no reason why couples activity and sexual matters should only be discussed as pillow talk. Why not arrange for some quality time together with this topic of discussion in mind, but in a non-sexual environment? A picnic together, a walk through the countryside or even discreetly over a meal or drink could allow you to sensitively sound out your partner’s feelings on the whole subject of bedroom bondage, without any pressure to decide or react immediately.

Then there is the matter of what to use during bondage, assuming your partner would like to experiment. There are a wealth of beginner bondage bundles available to buy online. If you are in the UK it can simply be a matter of typing ‘sex toys uk’ or ‘sex shops uk’ into your web browser to find the lowest priced bondage sex toys available.

No need to indulge in scary visits to a high street sex store or private shop, you can have everything you need delivered discreetly and safely right to your doorstep.

There are a variety of different items you can use to entice and seduce your partner into the ways of bondage, such as handcuffs, soft silk ties and silky rope.  There are even simple kits for effortless bondage such as bed restraint kits and door jam cuffs which turn your bedroom into a kinky play room.

In time, once you are both comfortable with the idea and activity of bondage, you may even wish to use additional stimulating accessories such as nipple clamps, ball gags and fetish collars.

As important as ‘safe sex’ in the mainstream is the issue of safety first in bondage practice. It is essential that safety is first priority at all times. Setting a word which you wouldn’t normally say in the heat of the moment, a ‘safeword’, will protect both partners from unnecessary hurt. It gives the reassurance that as long as that word hasn’t been said, things are going just swimmingly, thank you.

If you prefer, you may wish to use the traffic lights system (Red = stop, now! Amber = let’s stop to discuss, Green = I am fine, really) which is the universally accepted safeword system in the fetish scene.

Delving into the world of bondage and kinky aspects to your sex life and couples relationship can lead to a greater emotional fulfilment of both partners. Bondage provides an element of psychological and emotional satisfaction which isn’t always covered by sex alone.

Those who are open minded enough to engage in different pursuits to their version of bedroom normality can reap the rewards of a closer bond with their partner, a greater understanding of their psyche and emotional needs, as well as of course relishing a glorious new dimension to your love life together.

 

1 COMMENT

  1. I wish I could experiment with bondage, but at this stage in my life it’d be solo play and I’m afraid I’ll get myself stuck. 😛 I have heard of people doing self-bondage before, but cant’ seem to find much information on it.

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