Desperate loser! Only request my friendship because you want to send me requests for naked pictures, sex, or anything along that line of thought. Even if I were, uncharacteristically, in the mood for a waste of space idiot that trawls the internet for equally desperate women, I still wouldn’t choose you.
Desperate loser (part 2)! Harrass me through my inbox for ‘advice’, when what you really mean is you want small cock humiliation, to talk about swinging, or sex, or the size of my tits, or the depth of my vagina. Go away. Preferably to crawl under a rock but I would also accept the alternative of you calling a dedicated phone line to discuss your fantasy of choice. You want to chat? Fine. £3/min.
Porn! Have a pornographic picture as your avatar and/or cover pic, or a feed that is full of porn, vulgarity or nudity. There is a time and place for these. Your Facebook profile is not one of them. If my photos have been reported and deleted in the past for including me wearing head to toe latex, you can be damn sure I am going to report your acne covered fat ass.
Troll! Attack me either through inbox message or as a comment, for having my own opinion, on my own wall or blog. I have my own opinions and they may differ from yours. Deal with it. Or, if you can string a decent sentence (or three) together, feel free to blog about it yourself.
Spam! Be a company representative and place a link to your site, product or company blog on my profile page, as a comment on one of my posts or on one of my photos. I really don’t mind advertising for a company on my website… but it isn’t free, so don’t take the piss.
Tagging! Tag yourself in my photos or alternately, tag me in one of your photos. I tag my own friends in my own photos. It isn’t therefore very likely that I have you in my photos and you definitely aren’t located in my nipple, crotch or ass area. Similarly, I do not remember being present when you took that photograph of a sunset with some vomit inducing quote scrawled across it, so I’ll be untagging myself then deleting you. Thanks anyway.
Group Adds! Add me, without my prior permission, to your group. I can do without spending the rest of my life receiving updates from ‘Nottingham Swingers’, ‘cum covered shoes magazine’ or ‘if this group reaches 1 million members I’ll fuck a horse’.
App requests! Send me requests to Farmville, Poker, Sparkly Jewel Blitz Game of awesomeness or whatever other stupid Facebook app or game you have to invite 3 million friends to, in order to gain your next 5 important points, or coins, or what-the-fuck-ever.
WTF comments! Leave comments on anything of mine on Facebook in a language I don’t speak, particularly those I can’t even read or pronouce. Why? Why would you do that? STOP DOING IT!
Anything on Facebook really pissing you off? Leave a comment below and tell me about it!