Threesome Dos and Donts? | Sex Tips & Advice

Threesome Dos and Donts

Dear Cara: I’m a single female that’s recently been asked by a couple if I’d like to join them for some fun. We all seem to be on the same wave length. So far we have all been open and honest with each other and plan to keep it that way if it does go further. I have heard good and bad stories about threesomes. How do we make sure it turns out to be a good time for everyone? Are there any threesome dos and donts?


Threesome Dos and Donts? | Sex Tips & Advice Cara: Hi and thanks for the question!

I agree that there are good and bad stories about threesomes and for good reason. Just as there are good and bad stories about any kind of sexual encounter, regardless of the number of partners involved or particular preferences.

My personal thoughts are you get out of it what you’re willing to put in. I have had threesomes which were purely sexually motivated, ones which were more for others’ benefit than mine, ones in which I was out to get what I could and more recently ones where everyone involved had emotional ties and a connection with each other that went beyond the purely physical or sexual lusts.

It’s a good sign that you’ve all been open and honest with each other, deception of any kind is a big no-no. Common sense really, as it’s not a great plan of action when dealing with other people regardless of your intentions!

A lot of people have fantasies about a threesome but the reality is very different to what you perceive them to be before you engage in one. Just like your thoughts about going to a new place on holiday are different before, to afterwards. Not always bad but the reality is just, different.

When you are just two people in bed, it’s easier to find a balance. To share out the attention equally. You only have each other to think of. With three (or more) there is a division of the attentions and it’s important to make sure noone feels left out, that when giving attention to one person the other is attended to in some way, or just happy to watch awhile. It can be as simple as a squeeze of the hand, a gentle stroke or a look out of courtesy to make sure they are ok.

Have conversations before hand, as explicit as you dare, about everyone’s sexual preferences, limits, turn ons and turn offs. If the other two people are in a relationship, have they fully considered the consequences to letting another person into this intimate time with them? Are they prepared to see their partner with another? I would advise discussing this thoroughly and being 100% certain before proceeding, as you do not want to end up feeling any guilt and they don’t want their relationship to suffer and for what should be a fun, sexually adventurous memory and maybe even a sexual first, to turn sour.

Have a drink! Ok, so possibly not what you were expecting to hear as sexual advice. I’m not suggesting you all get thoroughly trollied, get blotto and not able to make decisions or even perform sexually during your threesome. But having *a* glass of wine before the actual event will certainly help ease nerves and tension and make you feel a bit more comfortable.

Don’t be afraid to say no. If you feel at any time unsure about going ahead, don’t feel pressured. You have a right to not be a part of this if you in any way feel it’s not right for you, no matter the stage of discussions you’re at. Even when it gets to the bedroom stage, if things are going forwards in a way you’re not entirely happy with, don’t carry on for the sake of others. It’s cheating them into thinking you’re enjoying it but more importantly it’s cheating yourself.

Enjoy!

Ok so you’ve been through the above and more, and found you’re still excited about going ahead. Great! You’ve made the decision calmly, sensibly, fully discussed all possibilities and preferences. Keep the lines of communication fully open with both of the other participants and make the big arrangement.

I’ve had awful threesomes; I’ve also had life changing ones. It’s sex. It’s emotion. It’s all part of a big scary rollercoaster ride. I wish you all the very best experience possible and hope this has helped a little bit!

 

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Thank for sharing these your thoughs Cara…
    I agree with you that it’s important to know how you feel about the people you are sharing the bed with…

    Really important to make sure that everyone feels comfortable with each other. So starting with a few drinks to warm up is certainly a great idea…

  2. For it to really work, one of the participants should be locked in a male chastity device. The rule is the same if it is MMF or FFM.

  3. I wish I had known these things since my eons-ago disastrous first threesome. Very sound advice, indeed. It’s pretty much old hat now, though. 🙂

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