The 3 different types of lesbians
Where I’m at with girl sex & relationships
I’m a very feminine woman. In the lesbian world, there are terms to describe the different types of lesbians. Of course not all women will fit these categories exactly, it is impossible to pigeon hole absolutely everyone with a few labels. However, I do identify with these types both from personal experience with women and how I feel in myself.
As an aside, it finally finished with kitten. No blame on either side, we just didn’t work on a mental and emotional level. Entirely opposite opinions of the world, relationships, men and women. Possibly we should have had more conversations before the removal of clothes and the multiple orgasms… ah well.
Anyway here we go:
3 different types of lesbians
Most people will recognise the term ‘butch’ as it carries the weight of the world’s stereotype with it. Shaven headed, bare faced, stocky women wearing dungarees and doc martens, with an assortment of tattoos and enough metalware through their skin to worry for their safety near power lines.
As I see it, the 3 different types of lesbians can be explained as follows:
Butch: A lesbian who holds traditionally male values, including how they dress, lack of makeup or interest in being traditionally feminine. Often referred to as a ‘dyke’ whether insultingly or not. May arrive packing and is usually the ‘cock’ in sexual relations.
Femme: A lesbian, often referred to as a lipstick lesbian, often mistaken for a straight woman by the outside world. Holds traditionally feminine values and opinions. Wears makeup and often holds shoes in high regard. The one who is taken by the ‘cock’ in sexual relations.
Boi: A fairly new term to be added to the above two separate identities, a boi may be a lesbian who for all appearances seems very womanly and feminine but holds some or all of the male ideals/opinions. Can arrive packing with a dildo or not. The urban dictionary describes a lesbian ‘boi’ in this way:
‘a young transgendered/androgynous/masculine person who is biologically female and presents themselves in a young, boyish way; a boidyke; often also identifies as genderqueer.’
Personally, I feel ultra feminine, I never have the slightest inclination towards feeling male, even when I wear the largest strap on I own. When I wear a cock, it doesn’t feel natural, it feels funny. I can give pleasure in this way but during lesbian sex I prefer to be taken, ravished… after appropriate wining, dining, flattery and seduction of course.
I am a Femme.
I guess you could tell that from the frequent mentions to health, beauty, lingerie, clothes and shoes in this blog alone!
Ultimately, I’m attracted to women for feminine qualities. It is difficult for me to understand lesbians who are attracted to male values and opinions in other women, as it seems slightly juxtaposed with the fact that it is women you find attractive.
Perhaps the difference lies in attitudes towards sex. For me to have sex with someone, I need to feel a bond, a connection, I want to feel attractive inside and out, valued, worth more to them than anyone (in lesbian sex, that is above all other women, not impeding any heterosexual relationship which I can distinguish from).
If I am to enjoy feeling vulnerable, fragile, to offer myself up to be ‘taken’ by the woman of choice, I need to feel safe and secure with them. Not only in a physical way, but in an emotional welfare way too.
It is likely that due to past bad experiences with men and my naturally cautious, anxious and at times paranoid nature, I seek out sexual attention and affection like it is water to one dying of thirst. Sex has always been how I have both been shown any affection and how I have been able to easily find it.
Heavy flirtation and a sexually suggestive nature aside, when it actually comes down to having relations with a woman I want to be supremely special to her as she is to me. I have had a relationship with a woman before and there is something almost magical about waking up with a woman that you know is entirely into you, as you are with her. Nothing male about in the slightest, just ultimate femininity, knowing the importance of the little things, romance, compliments, enjoying clothes and makeup and girly novelties.
Sometimes I wonder if I am now entirely lesbian (apart from my hetero relationship with my man which is a constant) due to forces beyond my control in life. I have been repeatedly turned off men by their attitudes, behaviour (to me and generally) and place in our culture and society.
I do not enjoy the traditional hardcore porn, with peroxide blondes, collagen lips, botox face and behinds, nipped, tucked, rammed and fucked. I prefer eroticism, sensuality, emotive art and erotic literature.
This is not to say all men are the same, far from it. I know some lovely men and they are very thoughtful and caring. This is rather, a general view of that masculine wave which seems to be everpresent and dominant in our world still, for all the work women do to correct this. That women are weaker, that they are only fit to look physically attractive and to be used as sex objects.
Just because women can take these attitudes and exploit them for their own advantage, does not mean that those attitudes and opinions were correct in the first place.
I was born bisexual. Well, with the DNA which meant that after puberty I realised that I am bisexual. I can have a relationship with a man, children together even – and still need something to cater to the other side of me.
My man is aware that I have a need in my heart for a lesbian love, not purely physical but also to meet that desire for a matched femininity. He is not threatened by this, as obviously it is something that he both cannot and has no desire to provide.
My heart has four sections, physically and metaphorically:
- Love for my child
- Love for my man
- Love for a woman
- Love as a Mistress (see the kinky Femdom side of my life)
These all work in harmony, without impeding one another, to complete me.
Before embarking on physical love with a woman, I would advise that a mental, emotional and personality connection be made first. See if any of the above attitudes trigger a response in you. Which do you identify with? Perhaps not exactly all that each ‘label’ entails but what do you seek from a relationship with a woman?
I think we all deserve to be treated with respect, regardless of our gender, orientation and opinions. Embrace who you are and have fun exploring your feminine (or masculine) world!
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